Karma take me away
by Pluh
Summary: Based loosley off of my first playthrough of ME3 one seen in paticular and will show my character Kerry Shepard and the aftermath of the Reaper war. Will be my own version of what happend in the games and will feature a Liara x femshep romance. Some original characters will make an appearance as well as new characters. Some dark themes, humor and romance.
1. Chapter 1

Hello all this is my first fanfic so im a little nervous about it but this idea has been swimming around in my brain for a while. I have only been on fanfic for a few months now and all the other stories ive been reading have been incredible and have given me some inspiration to put this out. Each chapter will have at least one song it andit will be based off of music out of my collection. The first song Karmaway by taproot (youtube it if you want as well as any other songs i put into the chapters as they will fit the theme) will be the basis for the whole story so im starting with that. This is also loosely based on my first playthrough of ME 3, one seen at the end in paticular. Please review/ PM me and leave feedback so i can improve or just to say high it will all be appreciated. Thank you and i hope you enjoy. Oh yeah Bioware owns all.

**_Every day now seems the same…_**

**_Only the faces change…_**

**_Every time I visualize myself, I'm no where to find in hell..._**

**_Surrounded by evil from inside…_**

**_Surrounded by people that have died~_**

**_Karma take me away_**

**_Caught in this web ill drown tonight…_**

**_Sinking away numb to the fright…_**

**_There's nothing left I can relate…_**

**_True memories so filled with hate…_**

**_Grind my teeth when…_**

**_Bite my tongue when…_**

**_I know where I'm headed…_**

**_(Karma take me away)_**

**_Leave my senses to see offenses, I know where I'm headed_**

**_Karma take me away from all these shrouds of doubt _**

**_And away from nothing I can't live without~_**

**_(Karma take me away)_**

"Admiral Hackett there is a report coming across the comm about Commander Shepard." An ensign yells in the commanding officers direction. There were numerous specialists the Admiral commanded that were tasked with listening to all reports coming from earth and any reports about Shepard's status.

"Can you repeat you were cut off?.. repeat your last transmission! The comm specialist sighs turning to look at the admiral

"The transmission got cut off Sir but what I could understand, it was about Commander Shepard, she may be alive."

"We have to double-check this message ensign, see what her status is but we need to keep this quiet for the time. If it gets out that she is alive and it's false, morale will go down even lower. Find out exactly what is going on and if she is alive send all support for her you can…now." Hackett immediately said

"Yes sir."

Shepard's body had been found in the rubble of what was left of the citadel, battered almost beyond recognition, unconscious but breathing, pulse erratic but alive. The savior of the galaxy had done the impossible; she destroyed the reapers, saving the galaxy from extinction. She gave the survivors a chance, a chance to have a life to learn from the mistakes made in the past but at what cost to her?

Shepard had survived but the loss of life was enormous, millions were dying or dead already. Now, it was on to saving those who they could and eventually rebuild one world at a time. The mass relays were damaged but nothing some time and work couldn't fix. There were aliens of all races trapped in the sol system but each race still had resources and man power in their own systems so it would be easier to rebuild on both ends. Communications were down in certain areas as well which made contacting certain worlds harder but with the buoys and relays being a top priority, communication and returning home would be quicker than expected.

At this moment the focus was specifically on the commander, her injuries and her survival. She was alive after the blast and her rescuers and any doctors helping her were not going to allow the galaxies savior to die. As the shuttle came to pick her up the medics attending to her try to stabilize her and get the bleeding to stop. They had to be careful as her body was burnt over most of her upper torso and face; her left arm was only held on by some tendons and skin. She had a massive head wound and her left leg was bent at an unnatural angle. These injuries would heal with time but it was the internal injuries and head trauma that was the biggest concern. Then of course there was the emotional damage that was done. How much stress was the commander under during the last five years? Battling enemy after enemy, loosing crew members along the way, as well as dying herself and the whole time she was trying to convince someone to listen to her about the reapers. Then there were the dreams or nightmares she had been having. Up until the end they had confused her and the once unbreakable resolve and determination she possessed had started to fade. She pushed through the torment they were causing with help from the one thing in her life that made her whole and want to continue on. In the end it had been one thing that kept her going to see her mission was completed successfully; Liara. She had her crew and this group of humans and aliens were behind her and fought by her side until the end; they were her family. Liara, in particular had been by her side since they met and the feelings they had for each other were stronger than any force in the universe. Liara gave Shepard hope that there would be a future and together they would be in it. The commander made a promise to always come back and she stuck to that promise beating the odds stacked against her, defeating an enemy thought impossible to take down. Now all she needed to do was wake up and find her love so she had one more fight ahead of her.

Synthetics had gone off line for a moment some coming back up sometime later, like the geth. The quarians quickly got to work on their systems as soon as they shut down and with the network they were all connected to it made it easier to bring them back online. Synthetics not on a network were still down but any new implants not active at the time of the blast were still able to be used. No one knew why they were down other than the crucible had something to do with it and once they had Shepard's initial scan of her body they had noticed her implants and they were not responding. They had to move fast to get her implants replaced but they were running out of time. Her body had healed completely since Cerberus rebuilt her and in part was self-reliant but the problem was her implants were there as a backup in case an organ shut down similar to krogan regeneration.

Due to Shepard's injuries her body starts to shut down and is unable to recover so time is of the essence. She is immediately sent to a hospital where the doctors were able to operate on her once she reached her destination on the outskirts of London. Surprisingly it had not been touched during the war and it specialized in massive trauma injuries.

Shepard was resting in the hospital bed in the recovery room heavily sedated after her surgery. Every available doctor and scientist in the area was requested to assist in whatever way they could. The biggest help came from Miranda Lawson who had monitored what was going on and learned of Shepard's location. She was able to walk the doctors through certain procedures making sure Shepard's surgery was successful. They had been able to temporarily get her implants back online but Miranda needed to get to Shepard in order to replace and modify them.

Miranda had spent two years rebuilding her and was not about to lose Shepard now. Not after everything the commander had done for her, a Cerberus operative, once Shepard's enemy yet she still helped her with her sister Oriana, she dropped everything in the middle of battling with the collectors, reapers and Cerberus.

It is what Miranda admires most about Shepard, she always made time for everyone…helps everyone who needs it. From getting the Normandy's cook edible rations from the citadel in order to keep morale up; to helping a convict with her past, she helps everyone she can aboard her ship and beyond, always putting others needs in front of her own. She only ever asks that her crew believes in her to get them through any enemy they were up against. Shepard was a born leader and could make any band of pitiful mercenaries an elite fighting group with the shortest amount of time and little to no supplies.

Any team she ever had under her command was ready for any fight they came across but _now_ it was her and her alone in this new fight. Her body had been repaired but the full extent and the effect on her the head injuries she sustained would not be known until she woke up.

Miranda was still on the vid comm talking to the doctors when she is startled out of her thoughts by a blood curdling scream.

"Oh god she's awake. Pain meds now you have to sedate her." Miranda ordered..."help her!" Miranda pleades... another scream nearly stops everyone in the room, utter shock on everyone's face on how deafening and painful it was. This reminds Miranda when Shepard woke up during the Lazarus project too early.

"Commander try to relax we are giving you something for the pain." an Asari doctor leans over looking in the woman's green eyes. A smile on the doctors face; she has soft attractive features, deep blue eyes and markings on her face that resemble freckles. The Asari doctor is trying not to react to the pain filled expression on the screaming human. In an instant everything stops as a bandaged hand lifts off the table caressing the Asaris face while one quiet word comes from the woman.

Liara?

Tears start to form on Shepard's face. The Asari is visibly confused but accepts her hand then gently lowers it back to the bed.

"You need your rest and then we will find her."

Shepard continues to sob as the sedatives start to work shaking her head. She starts to say something but she was soon out.

Miranda's didn't know what to think, she had only heard small amounts of what had happened to the Normandy and the squad that Shepard had with her after the crucible fired; all initial reports were unconfirmed but not good. The galaxy's savior was laying on a bed clinging to life and she only wants one thing in the galaxy and Liara was reported missing or worse. The reports had the Asari by Shepard's side on the way to the crucible and there were no survivors after Shepard made it to the beam and the Normandy was last seen going through the Sol relay. Since Shepard was recovering and her operation was a success Miranda knew what she had to do next and that was find Liara and the rest of the commander's crew. The Asari would be the first thing Shepard would want to see when she woke up but Miranda knew it would take some time. If Liara was with Shepard during the last run to the crucible Miranda knew Shepard would make it a point to get Liara to safety but what if there was no time for an evacuation and they were together on the ground? The reports came back that the entire ground force had been wiped out with the exception of Shepard. The commander had been through so much already and Miranda knew any news of Liara's death would finally make Shepard crumble. They were supposed to have a future together but now that faint light of hope started to fade.

Miranda knew about her romance with the information broker long before Shepard ever told her. Meeting Liara on Omega as she was trying to get the commanders body back from the shadow broker, the first thing she noticed about the Asari was the sadness on her face. She had known of the commander from what information Cerberus had on the Spectre and that she had the respect of a crew that was part human and part alien.

Liara had been different though. If Shepard did have an entire crew loyal to her where were they, why was this lone naïve Asari going above and beyond to get Shepard's body on the _hope_ of her being brought back?

No, this was someone who cared deeply for the commander and risked her life to get the alliance soldier back. Miranda remembers the overwhelming sadness of the Asari as she recounted the events of the SR1's destruction while looking at Shepards remains_; _

_"I was forced to watch from my escape pod as the Normandy exploded knowing in an instant Shepard was gone as the feeling of our bond faded into nothing." _

Miranda remembers the pleading look on Liaras face when she asked if what Cerberus had promised would work and the look of despair she had when Miranda skirted around the question and said she would be in touch but don't expect anything for a while.

Miranda's memories went forward to the Lazarus project when Shepard woke up. The confusion and anguish that the commander had when Miranda informed her she had been gone for two years worrying about the pain Liara was going through and then the infuriated look on her face after she was told Liara was working for the shadow broker, not to trust her. Shepard would not believe for a moment that Liara would work for someone like the broker and wanted to find her as soon as possible.

In the beginning of the fight with the collectors Miranda did not trust Shepard any more than Shepard trusted her and Cerberus. She made sure she knew where Shepard was and who she was talking to when Shepard first took over the SR2. One of the first conversations she had with a crew member was after they brought archangel/ Garrus on board. After his recovery from wounds he had received she went straight up to him on the catwalk near the main battery. Miranda remembers the conversation starting abruptly and Shepard was immediately in the turians face asking, where Liara was, what happened to her and _"why no one fucking helped her?"_

Miranda was amazed how Shepard had yelled louder than should have been possible from the small framed woman. She finally made the Turian admit Liara took it hard when she died, disappearing for a while resurfacing briefly only to go into a life of seclusion with rumors of her living on Illium. What put the commander over the  
edge was when Garrus hesitantly informed the visibly seething human that Liara went on a mission but no one knew what it was about and heard she had almost died. Shepard nearly spaced the turian after finding this out and was a little over zealous on the next mission. To use the word overkill would have been the understatement of the millennia as Shepard ripped through the vorcha almost single handily on their way to get Mordin Solus.

Miranda smiles as she thinks back to the time when they landed on Illium; the commander had an elated look on her face and had bounced on the balls of her feet when the Normandy docked, quickly rambling something about her sister then rushing out the airlock alone.

Miranda has to stifle a laugh at what the Normandys pilot had said; Joker had been taking bets on how many vaenia scenes they were performing and whether Shepard would ask for a shuttle when they were done, not being able to walk.

Dr Chakwas only frowned at the pilots poor tasted statements. She was just happy to see "young love" continue but put her head down and sighed when the commander came back on board as quick as she did. Their concerns were only justified about what happened when they saw the crushed look on the commander's face when she returned from Liaras office.

Shepard nearly lost all composure when she first saw her three original crew members at the air lock. At the time Miranda stood next to them and watched in confusion as she wondered why Shepard was acting this way; _she could get anyone she wanted, what's so special about this asari?_

Shepard did not say a word and quickly walked towards the elevator. The last thing Miranda saw was Shepard collapsing on the floor as the doors closed not coming out of her quarters for hours.

_Now_ the initial reports had said the entire ground team had been killed and if the reports were correct Liara was with her, she was always with her. This wasn't going to be the same as being rejected and Miranda needed to be there for the commander as much as she could and she needs to find all she can on what happened to Liara. She also knew that any of the Shepards' friends and crew mates not on the Normandy would want to help as much as they could. Shepard was going to need all the support possible. She felt like she owed it to the Commander to be there for her. Miranda slowly begins to focus at the picture of the room in front of her as she realizes that people are rushing into the room from all over the hospital as she hears a steady beep.

"She's crashing…clear!"


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N:_ _Id like to thank anyone who has taken the time to read this story and I hope it started out good, ok, crappy let me know... Have to appologize a little late for some of the flashbacks in this story. Anyway this chapters song is Taproot Violent seas (yes they are my favorite band) ._ _Also i forgot to mention that I have four different endings for this story and it has given me an idea but we will see what happens._

_Violent seas:_

_Standing on the land unknown_

_interpreting the same..._

_believing in a chance of hope..._

_ and see it slowly fade..._

_It's breaking far away..._

_replacing what im made of_

_Looking for a way to show that Im~_

_Searching for a faith who knows..._

_That I'm~_

_Screaming for a place to go...cause im drowning in the Violent Seas of being force fed _

_societies...shallow end of misery please take me away_

_Cause i can't stay~..looking for a way to show that I'm O..k~_

_Screaming for a place like home_

_Away~..far away~_

Space:

The leaders of all alien races had made a decision to have a rendezvous point where all surviving leaders of each world would meet and discuss further actions after the crucible fired. Everyone had docked with the destiny ascension where all reports that came in would be handled.

The alliance and all its allies were in full celebration after the crucible fired and the reports came in from earth and other worlds that the reapers were off line. Now it was time for damage control and reports had flooded in from all possible areas that were able to be reached.

Casualties were tremendous and it will take time sorting through all the names. Admiral Hackett knew the situation on the ground was the same as the fleets in space and that was bleak at best. There were reports of Shepard's survival but no one knew for certain where the commander was or her recent condition. She was rumored to have been evacuated to a hospital in London but that report had only come in a few hours ago and there was nothing else to verify it.

Hackett stood on the ships bridge, silent, his strategic mind working full throttle since the reaper invasion and had not stopped once they were defeated. His only concern now was what happened to Shepard, Anderson, the crew of the Normandy and Hammer? The last report was one person, Shepard, made it to fire the crucible and that one sole had saved every sentiment being across the galaxy. Now his main objective while on board the ascension was to gather up as much Intel that he could about the commanders location and condition. He showed no emotion as he stared ahead but he was worried that Shepard and her crew had paid the ultimate sacrifice in ridding the galaxy of the reapers.

"Admiral have you heard anything new regarding Shepard and the Normandy." Councilor Tevos asked, her tone was calm but her face is a look of concern. She had been evacuated along with the rest of the council and been brought to safety. Now the three remaining members had the long task of making sure the recovery efforts of all worlds were being handled as well as they could. There hasn't been a replacement chosen for Udina since the Cerberus attack but Hackett was unanimously chosen as a temporary liaison. Councilor Tevos wants to personally see to it that Shepard was safe and eventually ask her to be humanities newest council member. She smiles at the thought of what the humans answer would be; shove it. Probably more colorful but they want to offer her the job just the same.

Hackett sighs and turns his head, his look finally imitating the worried asari in front of him.

"Councilor, the initial reports that came back said she was rescued and alive but it was only one report and I can't say for certain what is going on. As far as her crew we have only heard that contact was lost as the Normandy went through the relay but nothing else has been reported."

The councilor only nods and stands silent with the Admiral hoping to hear any new reports soon. "Any resources we have are at your disposal Admiral and that includes helping Shepard. She is owed everything that can be done for her at this time. She saved all our lives again and even though Thesia fell, her and her crew are responsible for saving the Asari as a race. We have all been decimated by this war but we will rebuild and Shepard deserves all we can give to her."

Hackett smiles towards the councilor. "Thank you councilor Tevos we appreciate your support in her rescue and we will extend all we can to help in rebuilding your home worlds as well. All of our worlds are hurting and I'm hoping we can use this alliance Shepard created between our races to continue a peaceful world and pull all resources from all worlds to rebuild. My first priority is to find Shepard and the Normandy. I understand that is not proper protocol but I...we owe it to her and her crew. Our working together as a galactic power in order to destroy the reapers was only made possible by the entire crew aboard her ship. If the reports are correct about her being alive it will be a miracle and if Shepard is alive somewhere she would want to know first thing that her crew is safe so we need to find them."

Hackett new exactly how Shepard thought and her mission and crew were always first. She would only blame herself if something happened to any of them and no medals or praise they received would ever be enough for her. The commander would gladly give up her own life in order to save her crew and Hackett knew Shepard would have a hard time moving on if they were gone.

"Do we know who she had with her on the ground Admiral?" The councilor knew the answer to the question but she wants to hear it so she is able to put forth the resources for them as well.

"Yes, the last report I received from Captain Anderson before the crucible fired was she had Garrus Vakarian a Turian with her as well as Liara T'soni."

"Do you know if they were rescued before the beam went off?"

The only response was Hackett shaking his head. The look on his face still filled with concern. "We won't know for sure who made it out from her crew until the Normandy can be found but all initial reports we have received as far as Hammer are saying no one else survived."

The councilor continues to stare straight ahead. They both new who the asari was to Shepard as reports of them being together on the citadel began to surface. They had been seen with each other on numerous occasions and the rumors were ever present about the possibility of a relationship between the two. Shepard had always kept her private affairs out the spot light for obvious reasons and Tevos new all too well about not wanting relationships out in the open. She could only stand there and hope that they would both be alive for the future of the human and asari races. They were two of the most powerful and influential people of their kind. Even if Liara was not as well known outside her own home world she was the last remaining member of an asari family that still held power in name alone. It was hoped that Liara would take over for her mother and become involved more in Asari affairs. Tevos could only wonder if when Dr. T'soni was offered a position in the asari government would she give the same answer as Shepard?

As Hackett and Tevos stood in relative silence the room they were in became quiet for a moment as one human who had been receiving reports from earth attempts to quiet everyone around him.

"Say again I did not hear the last transmission...copy that... Admiral Hackett I just received word confirming the report on Shepard, she was found alive and was transported to a London hospital."

The main deck of the ascension roared to life by the report as Tevos smiled and shook Hackett's hand.

"Ensign what's her status and have you heard anything about the Normandy's location?"

The ensign had to walk up to the Admiral because of the noise level in the room.

"She is recovering from surgery as we speak but there have been complications, they will continue to give us updates. There was a request though from a Miranda Lawson to go to the hospital in order to help with any future operations and recovery efforts for the commander. Apparently she had already helped with the initial surgery from a remote location."

"Grant it ...anything Shepard needs to get her up again I want it automatically authorized."

Aye aye sir...as far as the Normandy there are no reports that have come through yet but I will pass them along to you personally when I hear anything."

Tevos looks at the younger human as her face fills with concern and confusion. "What kind of complications did she have?

"They didn't say ma'am, I asked but they were in the middle of trying to get her stable again but I will keep you both informed the moment I hear anything." With that he bowed his head towards the Asari, salutes the Admiral turns and walks back to his station. She turns her attention to the Admiral once more seeing his normal stoic face showing despair. "Admiral, are you ok?" He pauses for a moment letting out a long sigh before answering.

"Councilor, I have known Shepard for ten years and in that time I have seen her grow into one of the best soldiers ever. She has performed more miracles in her short life than most of the combined races. She has never failed in any mission. She is a soldier yes but a person first and I believe we lost sight of that a long time ago. We all put tremendous pressure on her to succeed even when we didn't back her. For a short time she only had her crew after she joined Cerberus to fight the collectors. We distanced ourselves as much as possible when she needed us the most. Then I send her on a mission to once again save the galaxy from a reaper invasion and we put her in jail when she was done. Only to ask her to save us all once again and she never once hesitated. Now she needs the people closest to her and my biggest fear is they won't be there when she wakes up." He lowers his head staring at his feet." I know she is strong... the strongest willed person Ive ever met but I don't think she will be able to handle it if they are gone."

He continues to tell Tevos all about her past including her parents dying on Mindor and her entire crew being killed by thresher maws on Akuze. Tevos knew some of her past but is surprised to hear such compassion from Hackett. He was concerned about her during the reaper invasion having 'Joker' promise to look after her but that was before Thessia fell and she blamed herself for the mission failing. He noticed Shepard continue to fall apart but could only ask more of her and now she needed all the support possible but he felt it would not be enough. "The closest people in her life are Captain Anderson and her crew and if they are gone I feel we may lose her all together. I need to get to London so I can debrief her when she wakes up personally and if nothing else be there for her as much as I can. She needs as many familiar faces as she can get and I would like to coordinate with any of her old crew that are still on Earth and in the surrounding system to be there at her side as well."

Hackett knew his presence at Shepards side would help a little but if there was a chance she could see all her crew alive nothing else would matter. He still had a pang of guilt knowing he was partially responsible for her over all well-being starting to crumble as he pilled endless tasks and missions on top of her. He needed to get to Shepard and make sure all resources were being made available so she could recover but he worried with the complications reported would end with her dying and anything he could do for her would be too late.

London:

Doctors rush in from all over and begin to work tirelessly on getting Shepard stable. Miranda felt helpless watching her friend die and could only look on as Shepard's body shook from each shock she received trying to restart her heart. Her mind starts to race thinking of anything that could help Shepard but nothing came to her. She could not understand why this was happening. When Miranda was on the vid comm during the surgery she made sure to tell the doctors exactly what to do with her implants to keep them operational until she could get there to replace them with upgraded ones. It would take Shepard going through another surgery but Miranda knew it would be worth the risk in the end. She had to get to the hospital as soon as she could so she jumps into her shuttle and heads to Earth.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: thanks to all who have viewed followed/ favorited its all appreciated. Music by Audioslave Show me how to live. Bioware ownes all just having fun.

**"Show Me How To Live"**

And with the early dawn,

Moving right along,

I couldn't buy an eye-full of sleep.

And in the aching night under satellites I was not received.

Built with stolen parts, a telephone in my heart, someone get me a priest,

To put my mind to bed this ringing in my head,

is this a cure or is this a disease?  
Nail in my hand, from my creator. You gave me life, now show me how to live.

* * *

London:

Miranda sat staring at the wall with a blank look on her face. She had no idea how to react at the news she was given when she first entered the hospital. She had been given permission to view Shepard's medical records and the doctors that worked on the commander had already briefed her as soon as she arrived. She made it through half of the records before laying them down on the chair next to her. The ex-Cerberus operative was normally a calm person void of any public display of emotion but this was different. Shepard had become a true friend to her in the short time they have known each other and with all Shepard had done for her she didn't think it possible to return the favor. Now she was here and only wanted to help but because of what the doctors had told her she wondered if she was too late.

Miranda had been on Mars when the crucible fired; she figured since the reapers had already attacked the low populated planet, her and her sister would be relatively safe. She brought Oriana with her to Earth and was happy she was there to hold her hand when the doctors informed Miranda of the commanders' condition.

Apparently the implant that was attached to her heart had completely shut down and her heart was damaged sometime during the fighting. While mirand was on her way to earth the doctors tried to replace her implant but her body rejected the it damaging her heart further and now she needed a new heart. With the amount of injuries coming through the hospital the medical staff was suddenly ordered to prioritize all of the patients and stop treating Shepard. This confused Miranda as this would never be allowed to happen but she was given the excuse that there were limited amount of supplies and personnel.

Oriana had to hold Miranda back when she was informed that Shepard had gone from number one priority to basically below someone with a paper cut.

"What happened to save Shepard at all cost?! She just saved all your worthless asses and you're turning your back on her? Don't know why I'm surprised it's been the story of her life, she helps someone and they throw her away when they are done using her. I want to see her now!"

I'm sorry Ms. Lawson but we have done all we can for..."

Blue light reflects in the doctor's glasses as he slowly steps away looking for anyone who could help. Dr. Schneider had been the lead surgeon on Shepard's operations and was the one who suggested putting each patient on a list. First on the list were patients who could be helped quickly with little to no strain on their resources, the next were the patients who required a little more as was the case with Shepard. He was visibly shaking especially after the woman holding Miranda let her go and turned to face off against the doctor as well.

"I think it would be in your best interest to let us see her now! We came here to help her and clearly since you worthless piles of Varen shit aren't willing to, we will take over. If you have a problem with it and you like lists so much you can do two things, first you can call Admiral Hackett and tell him what is going on and after he rips your head off through the vid comm you can next, get the fuck out of my way so I can save my friend!" Miranda had an internal smile at how much Shepard had rubbed off on her the entire time she was yelling at the doctor.

Miranda wanted to warp this idiot through the nearest concrete wall and then shoot him just for spite. Oriana had let her go and the rage poured out of her as they both heard the doctor speak; they became horrified at what the doctor was suggesting.

Oriana had only met Shepard a couple of times but knew who she was and the fact that she had saved the sisters twice and was indebted to the commander as much as Miranda was. Listening to this doctor give his pitiful excuses only pissed her off so she let Miranda loose on him.

The asari doctor that Shepard had mistaken for Liara could only watch with a smile on her face amused as ever watching the two human women verbally attack the head surgeon. Dr. Shona V'ler was a medical doctor attached to a regiment of asari commandos that had been on Earth fighting the reapers and had jumped at the opportunity to help Shepard when asked to volunteer. She had known the commander by reputation only but new what she had done and wanted to do anything she could to make sure the commander survived.

"Excuse me, my name is Doctor V'ler and I can take you to see the commander right away."

They all left glaring at the human man who was almost to the point of urinating on himself before the Asari doctor spoke up and he was thankful for the interruption. Miranda and Oriana followed Dr. V'ler to the recovery room where Shepard had been moved to. Her heart had been started again but was only being kept alive by machines that were connected to her. Her heart had been damaged during the explosion on the crucible and was missed by Dr. Schneider during the initial surgery. He had been complacent and never bothered to do another full body scan relying only on the field scan when she was found. The initial scan done was rushed and incomplete and Dr. Schneider was in such a hurry to put his name on the commander's records in order to take credit for saving her he missed the damage that was done. The other doctors surmised her surgery was too much for her heart to handle and had stopped while she was recovering and woke up. They were able to revive her but the crew of doctors realized the mistake as Dr. V'ler did a proper scan. So now due to Dr. Schneider's ego the savior of the galaxy was going to die and he wanted nothing to do with the fall out over her death. He erased all his names on the reports leaving only the ones of the other doctors that worked with him and then completely distanced himself from the patient until Miranda arrived. Miranda knew who Dr. Schneider was from the time she was on the vid comm assisting the surgery so she asked for him directly. After a while Dr. V'ler had realized what he had done and had gone to confront him on it when she heard shouting from the waiting room and became slightly relieved to see Miranda because she would have hurt the human.

* * *

As they stood in the recovery room Miranda was trying to think of anything to help the commander. The first thing to be done was to see if she could be transferred to a hospital that could do the operation. Miranda had sent a message to Admiral Hackett about the situation and he was less than pleased. He ordered a medical ship to immediately retrieve Shepard and transfer her to a military hospital in NY. The trip would take some time but with the equipment onboard the ship she could be moved without putting her in danger. It was not ideal as she knew when the commander woke up she would want to search for her crew in London but it was the best option at the time. As Shepard rested in the bed Miranda looked her over with a concerned expression. The once caramel color skin was now pale and she looked as if her heart may fail at any moment. There were more machines attached to Shepard's body then Miranda first saw during the initial operation. Miranda covers her face with her hands letting out a long sigh. Oriana walks over to her, putting an arm around her sister.

"She will be ok Miri we can help her. She has gone out of her way to bring us together twice and now we have the opportunity to return the favor… I know it's more than just favors but she deserves a life now outside of all this mess. This horror that she plunged herself into without questioning anything, Shepard is a hero and we need to give her the opportunity to live a heroes life."

Miranda starts to feel heat behind her eyes."That's just it Ori she doesn't want that heroes life she only wants the one thing that may have been taken away from her. I want her to live I really do but…she may not. After everything she has done for this galaxy she deserves more than this."

Oriana didn't know what to say to her sister, she never knew the commander had someone close to her to come back to. Now it seemed the commander may have lost her one thing to live for and Oriana had no idea what to think.

"Can I ask a question Miranda?" Dr.V'ler had stood there listening to everything that was being said and began to wonder about what happened in the operating room.

"Who is Liara? The look on the Commanders face when she said the name was full of pain and it wasn't physical. She was surprised when she first said it to me, confused; as if she knew that something had happened to her and wasn't expecting her to be there. I have a bad feeling she may be giving up and it has nothing to do with her implant or her heart failing."

All eyes were on Miranda now but she was having a hard time answering the question. She knew about their relationship but how much did she know. She knew they both would go to the ends of the universe to get each other back. Death could not stop them before but now that may be the case.

"She is someone who is very special to the commander and has been there for her more than anyone else in her life. They met at the beginning of this war before Saren attacked the citadel and continued to be there for Shepard after she was gone for two years and she continued to fight alongside her to the end." The confusion on the two other occupants was obvious to Miranda so she decided to elaborate. She explained how Shepard actually died and how the Lazarus project was put into motion by Cerberus. She told them how Liara risked her life, retrieving her body so Miranda could bring her back. Miranda felt guilty about saying anything about that part of her life and she feared Oriana would leave and want nothing to do with her anymore. This was not the case, Oriana did not pass judgment or say anything Miranda feared would come. She looked at her sister encouraging Miranda to continue.

"They would do anything for each other so would her crew, they knew each other so well and they fed off each other. I wasn't on the first Normandy crew and Liara wasn't there for the fight with the collectors but the stories the crew would sit around and tell about them, the ones who were there, it was amazing to hear them and how protective all her crew was of the two of them and what Shepard would do to make sure Liara was safe."

She continues her thoughts on the two, when she first met Liara on Omega to when she saw her again after the shadow broker was killed.

"We had a Turian, Garrus and a Quarian Tali that were with shepard from the beggining. They had a protective streak when it came to the commander and Liara. I remember when I first realized how close they both had been before Shepard's death and their bond only strengthened as they went along in this war."

She explained when she saw the commander returning from Liaras office and her breaking down in the elevator. It had baffled Miranda that a woman of such strong will and determination could be one who could be so vulnerable due to rejection. It had to be more than a passing thing or Shepard just caring for Liara, what she witnessed on the Normandy was of someone being rejected by a true love. At first it worried her that they may have lost Shepard to her love life and didn't know what to do in order to get the person they thought Cerberus brought back. Miranda continued telling the two women, what they did have was a woman who was still reeling from being dead for two years, a crew she cared about dispersed and her love fall into a black hole of despair. Miranda only had small details of what became of Dr. T'soni after they parted ways on the space station but she obviously took Shepard's death hard and even with the hope of recovery, Liara was focused on revenge and it made the asari cold and void of all feelings. Miranda wondered what thoughts were going through each of their minds when they met again.

Miranda told the story how she had once again overheard Shepard confess to the Quarian engineer that they kissed after their first meeting after two years but Liara quickly turned around and her face turned cold once she finally looked back to Shepard. "Even when they went after the shadow broker Liara tried to distance herself from Shepard after they killed Tela Vasir the rogue spectre." Her story went back to when Garrus had been with them during the fight and said after:

_"Shepard wanted to talk but Liara was focused more on saving her friend Feron, some drell Liara worked with getting Shepard's body back that got captured. If you thought Shepard was a mess after illium you should have seen her then, thinking she was replaced. I had to calm her down as liara walked away but I could swear I heard Liara crying."_

She explained how Garrus hated seeing the two of them like this and after what he could only assume happened when they fought the shadow broker, as he was knocked out, he was relieved when they finally were able to stop and talk to each other. She remembered the story Garrus said as he went limping out of the room with Feron helping him and immediately shoved the drell against the wall gun to his face asking who he was to Liara. After Ferons shaking stopped from how quickly the Turian moved and the gun in his face, he admitted an initial attraction to her but knew her heart belonged to the commanders.

Miranda continued with how Garrus was somewhat satisfied with the answer and he decided to inform the drell to stay the fuck away from "Shepard's girl." Miranda chuckled a little to herself at the thought of how protective everyone was of Shepard and Liara. Anyone who knew the two of them and knew they were together became their security.

"Hell, even our engineer, Donnelly new about them. Mainly because Tali loved to gossip but he had to stop a few crew members from embarrassing themselves because they mistook Shepard's visits as flirting. After Tali came on board she started talking about their mission against Saren, how she had warned certain crew members who didn't trust Liara from making a mistake and talking negatively about the asari scientist on the original Normandy."

Miranda recalled the time when Shepard was screaming at Garrus about Liara and after he came out and told the crew not to worry she was just venting.

"As he shook his head he explained that everyone needed to leave it alone and not say another word.

A crew member made the off handed remark. "She could have anyone she wants why does she care so much about an asari hooker?"

Miranda cringes at the thought of all the blood she saw."Garrus slammed the soldiers head in the table shocking everyone and he prayed Shepard had not heard this moron say anything. After Dr. Chakwas sent him to the med bay she returned ignoring her patient backing up his story of how they both saw first-hand what Shepard would do when upset about Liara as he said.

"_This may be a little different circumstance but I think the results would be the same if not worse if she heard that."_

"Garrus had a captive audience of most of the crew after his violent outburst and he began about how after Liara was brought on board there was always an uneven attitude towards her but it was more of a trust issue but after Tali told Garrus she thought they were a couple another crew member who overheard her eventually made a similar comment about Liara later on and it went bad quick."

Miranda recalls how nervous Garrus was as he constantly looked over his shoulder every so often hoping Shepard would not here what was going on. She was confused as to why he was acting the way he was until he continued.

"Before he started that story he closed his eyes and cringed at the memory. He told us all how as soon as the words left the poor souls mouth that 'she was an asari whore and could not be trusted and the commander should have left that blue bitch to burn on Therum.' Acording to Garus,Shepard dropped everything in her hands ran up to him knocked him down with a kick to the groin then punched him in the face until he was completely bloodied. She continued by pulling out her pistol and shoved it down his throat so hard he vomited. She would have pulled the trigger if she wasn't restrained. Apparently the rage in her eyes made Wrex a krogan who had grabbed Shepard step back. She would have gone after him if she wasn't so focused on her initial victim. But apparently all it took was one touch, one word from Liara and she stopped. According to Garrus, Liara had witnessed it all and heard what was said. Instead of defending herself she wanted to make sure Shepard did not kill the man."

Miranda continues; Someone had asked what the one word she said to the commander was. I think Garrus said it had to do with her first name but that was it, she instantly stopped I guess."

" Dr. Chakwas nodded and continued by saying in her soothing tone. That she could count on two hands how many people Shepard trusted and one finger how many she has loved and she would do anything for them even kill a crew member if they became a threat. This particular crew member got to see first-hand what happens when someone messes with 'her girl'."

"As soon as the medical doctor finished her sentence Shepard spoke up, she must have snuck up on us, she had a smile on her face as she overheard what the crew was talking about. All she said was_. "Oh come on doc you could probably use a foot to go along with your two hands."_ The entire room went silent not knowing what to do. The only straight faced person there was the ship's doctor but she was slightly startled. The commander walked closer and everyone's nerves were on edge as she calmly walked to where Garrus and Chakwas were standing. She smiled towards the doctor and jokingly said." _Now as far as the one finger you would be correct with that assumption"_ she slowly turned her head looking into Garrus eyes. _"I will have to remember to keep you around Vakarian so you can tell that story more; I like your version better."_ She paused and leaned closer to the turian his smile slowly turning into a nervous look. She spoke so low the doctor could barely here her but his face relaxed a bit before his smile came back. _"Yes Shepard." _was all he said."

Miranda was amazed at the display of sheer respect and admiration they all had for her. She recalled Garrus, even after being berated by Shepard continue recounting all the 'crazy shit' Shepard had done much ending the same way, Liara putting her hand on her and speaking to her and it would instantly calm her down. Miranda's interest in the woman began to grow at that time with what had transpired as well as the stories that were being told, each being more unbelievable than the last. Even though Miranda thought she knew everything about the Commander she started to quickly realize she was wrong, that there is more to her than just a great soldier.

Now, this was not the case no word or touch could bring her out of the pain she would be in. Miranda had held out hope they would hear something, anything stating the initial reports were wrong and someone made it out of the hell Shepard had been in alive. Just so there was conformation to Shepard's question Miranda knew would come when she woke. The three in the room remain silent as Miranda finishes her story. Emotions were running high but they needed to work quickly to get her prepped for the transport shuttle. Oriana looks at her sister both women looked emotionally drained.

"Miri we will help her as much as we can and we will do our best to find her crew." Miranda could only force a slight smile appreciating the comfort oriana was trying to give.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Emotional Times Taproot. Again thanks to everyone looking over my story its apprecitaed._

* * *

_Life sucks sometimes, friendships turn to LIES~_

_a hatred in disguise it brings tears to my eyes,_

_i can see the truth from the neutral side in my mind,_

_confusion cripples me unto my element of control unsureness._

_emotional times i'm just fine._

_trauma's etched in my mind, i can see it all the time,_

_i've seen my share of pain and suffering_

_i am just fine, respecting something more than nothing all the time,_  
_and it's time, to move on._

_emotional times i'm just fine,emotional times i'm. just. FINE._

* * *

Admiral Hackett was adamant with getting Shepard out of that London hospital. The hospital Shepard would be headed too is specifically for military members and he had first-hand knowledge of the base and some doctors who worked there.

Oriana wasn't allowed on the medical ship but an exception was made for Miranda. Dr. V'ler was initially there to take care of Shepard and was in the Asari military so she was cleared to go on the transport as well.

When she first heard the reports on the commanders survival Miranda had gathered up all she needed to help with Shepard's surgery she needed to do. As she was on her way she made sure she brought her updated data pads that had all her notes she made during the Lazarus project on creating updated implants that were made initially for Miranda. After witnessing all Shepard went through, Miranda was going to help her friend but the question was sturring in the back of Mirandas mind. Is it the right decision to do? She initially had no doubts about helping Shepard but after the reports came back and it was thought Liara was missing or worse she became hesitant. The problem now became the operation Miranda planned on doing became a necessity in order for Shepard to survive. Now her one worry was how Shepard will react to the news concerning her implants and it scared Miranda.

It had been a week since Shepard was transferred to the new hospital. Miranda and the other doctors were relived they were able to get a heart and the transplant went through with no issues. Miranda replaced all the implants with her updated ones and Shepard was now recovering. The look on her face was relaxed for the first time in years and she was finally able to sleep. Might have been exhaustion from the last few years or just needing to recover but she slept...

Miranda was thrilled that her new implants were working as she had hoped and she made sure she was in charge of overseeing Shepards recovery. She had stayed with the Commander long after hours making sure everything she did was a success. But with that thrill came a feeling of guilt; the implants Shepard was fitted with would extend her life. Miranda didn't know how to feel, she knew the implants were necessary as her old ones were failing but would the commander think this new 'gift' would be a curse and hate Miranda for it? She was petrified at the commanders reaction.

* * *

Eventually Miranda could no longer stay in the room after hours when they rolled in another patient. They had tried to keep the commander by herself but the hospital was filling quickly and needed the space.

The new patient was a medic named Lieutenant Rebecca Finch, who was on an Alliance ship that was shot down. She had been the only survivor of the crash and managed to live three days before being rescued. She had some injuries but the worst was losing her leg in the crash, she had enough medical training to keep herself from bleeding out. She had already been fit with a prosthetic when she was rolled in so Miranda wondered why she was even here not just at a rehab facility. The ex-Cerberus operative had become like everyone else, protective of Shepard and wanted to make sure anyone who got close to her would be acceptable.

The hospital they were in had a top of the line rehab facility and it was perfect for Rebecca and Shepard's recovery. The commander would have to rehab for a while since her left arm was nearly severed and right leg had been completely crushed so both the patients in the room would be spending a lot of time together so Miranda decided to quiz the woman when she woke up. Much to Miranda's dismay the engineer loved to talk a bit too much and it only made Miranda wonder if she made a complete mistake coming here all together. As much as she didn't want the headache that was Becky, she knew eventually she would be needed by her friend Shepard. At least she hoped to have that title after their eventual conversation and she knew this new woman would have to be there for Shepard as well.

Miranda had never heard anyone talk so much as quickly as this woman did except for maybe Shepard when she was excited about something, mainly Liara. The ex-Cerberus operative remembered being confused as ever when they were docking at Illium and Shepard told her she would be back. The commander spoke so quick Miranda thought she missed something and started walking after her so she could clarify what she said. Garrus had stopped her and told her how she babbles a great deal when it came to the asari, getting a slight chuckle from Dr. Chakwas and Joker. They all had stood behind the pilot as they docked and saw once again their commander ramble almost incoherently as the doors swished open and she went flying through them to her destination. She chuckled at the memory of the great commander Shepard brought down to a rambling pile of mush by Liara. She had heard rumors about Asari promiscuity and seen them in the clubs as very "flexible" dancers but she thought Liara must have had an ass of gold considering the commanders odd actions. Miranda's mood changed to sadness once again before being brought back from her thoughts.

"Wow your mood changed quickly, smiling one moment, looking like someone pissed in your Kool-Aid the next." Came from across the room.

Confusion at the last remark set in with a pang of annoyanc_e. Would this woman ever shut up? probably not._

She let out a sigh before speaking. "Just thinking of how to break bad news to a friend is all." She knew she would regret the words that left her mouth and silently berated herself for saying such a thing that could lead to more personal questions in a matter of seconds. Much to Miranda's delight.

"Oh, sorry" was all she heard, for a moment.

"Is she the receiver of the news, how bad is it? I'm sure with everything that has happened it's probably horrible but your here for her so at least she has someone who..."

"Yes she is and that is all I'm saying about it." Miranda interrupts. "I'm here to support her but I want to know more about you before I leave." Miranda was internally pleading for this woman to keep her answer as short as possible. _This is going to be a long night_.

"Well not much to tell, I lived in NY until I was old enough to enlist following my father. He served 30 years in the alliance as an engineer and I wanted to make him proud so I joined up."

_That wasn't so bad._

"I have a sister and two brothers...they both still live with my parents, at least they did before the war hit, haven't heard much so hopefully they are ok. I mean they should be they are all pretty resourceful so yeah I'm sure they are alright."

_Oh for the love of... dammit Shepard just wake up already so you can put me out of my misery...please..._

Miranda puts a hand up to stop the woman before she sucked all the oxygen off the planet. "I'm sorry about your family I _hope_ they are ok and can retrieve you soon. What I really wanted to know was who _you_ were and whether you know who this is?"

The woman across from Miranda looks at her with confusion before turning to study the commander, eyes lighting up as the realization set in. "You have got to be kidding me is that who I think it is? It is right, I mean _THE_ commander Shepard, in my room lying across from me." The woman's voice steadily rising to annoying screech.

"Please, unless you want the commander to wake up before she is supposed to and probably be highly annoyed I suggest you tone it down a bit."

The highly excited woman realized she was making more noise than needed and immediately calmed down. "Sorry about that but we studied her in the academy and she is a living legend, at least mostly living."

"Yes she is alive and will be fine" Miranda's eyes rolling." She had some severe injuries but is expected to make a full recovery." _Why am I telling her anything, her constant talking is contagious?_

"That's awesome, wow... I can't believe this... I was just reading about her less than a year ago and now boom she is here." A questioning look across Miranda's face.

"How old are you and when did you graduate the academy?"

Smiling the young woman replied "I'm twenty one, and I recently graduated the academy early about six months ago and was assigned a ship, it was a good ship didn't know the other crew really. Guess it made it easier to deal with them all being killed in the crash."

Just as she answered the questions a look of despair came across Miranda again. How many lost their lives, how young were they, kids, parents all ages races, alien and human alike? How many perished while she was off looking for her sister, not helping where she could have? Now she has everything she wanted and the one person who deserves it all was lying unconscious waiting to hear about the life she may no longer want.

"Um...did I say something wrong…I'm sorry if I did."

Looking up Miranda met the young woman's sad green eyes that reminded her of Shepard's. "No it's fine I was just thinking about the war and how many lost everything." Looking at the commanders still form with the last few words.

"Oh…you mean...her...do you know for sure that they are...are gone or just haven't been found yet. I mean there is still hope if... What do the reports say about her crew?"

Looking down closing her eyes Miranda fought with herself whether to tell this woman she just met something as personal as this when she herself didn't know if the information was her business or not, she decided to just speak as it was eating her up inside.

" Honestly the Intel I was given was unclear only her ship went down with part of her crew somewhere and the ground crew she was with is thought to have been killed."

The last word hung in the air and Miranda didn't know how she felt. All she knew was the conversation she was having is one she only wanted to have once but now that was not the case.

"I ...I could help... I mean I know I'm in here but I could try to get word out. I didn't know anyone on my ship but a lot of my alliance classmates were on ships that made it and some might have heard... something."

A smile crept up on Miranda's face and she nodded towards the young woman in appreciation. She hasn't spoken a single word to the commander yet she was willing to help in any way she could even confined to a hospital bed and missing a limb. She was acting like a younger version of Shepard by helping someone she just met.

"Yes thank you that is very generous of you."

"Oh please, it's the least I can do...well any of us can do to help her. All I need are names of who her crew was and her ships name." An audible slap to her forehead. "Of course I should know the names they were in my books too. I mean god Becky how dense are you? Well you're her friend; I will try to list off all the names I can, just tell me yes or no." Miranda smiles at the woman's actions across from her." Ok names, names, oh yeah, Ashley Williams and the krogan she was with...uh...Wrex I think."

"Yes LTC Williams is one but not the Krogan he was on Tuchanka."

"Oh ok good that's one name... Uh lieutenant Alenko...no he died before the reapers came... No wait there was a Quarian and a Turian on her ship."

"Yes Tali zorah...and Garrus Vakarian but Tali wasn't on the ship either. But we need to find her she was like a sister to the commander and would definitely be able to help with her recovery. As far as Garrus he was with Shepard on the ground so we dont know his status yet."

"Oh…Ok...uh… lieutenant Moreau pilot he'd be there Dr Chakwas...sorry we only really went through the sr1, not much on her and her fight with the collectors and I was already commissioned before she got her new crew am I missing someone? Wait yes of course how could I miss her… The Asari...Liara?...Liara T'soni... How did I forget her?. I'm not into woman or whatever they want to call themselves but she was definitely hot. Is she the last name?" Becky looked up to see Miranda face full of sadness eyes welling up with tears something she had not done since she was a little girl. Miranda was desperate to leave the room but the young woman needed to hear confirmation as far as who to look for. She tried to focus on something anything but all she could do was look at the commander, tears starting to flow.

"Oh...Oh no I'm so sorry... is that who she... I ...I heard rumors but that's all they were...mainly from that tabloid news bitch Shepard hit whatever her name was… Karim Abdul... Ass –Salami… or something. I would have decked her too; saw all three times she did it, cheered every time too. You should have heard my father yell at the Vid screen when the reporter tried to slam Shepard for being a traitor to humanity, he screamed for Shepard to punch her, then she did, I swear to god a piece of chicken hit my mom across the table, he nearly choked, then he laughed his ass off... That was a fun night."

Miranda let out a small chuckle as the young woman tried to lighten the mood a little wiping away her tears. "Yes...that is who the commander is looking for, all the names on that list especially the last..." She cut herself off how could she prioritize who was more important, she couldn't yet she knew deep down that Shepard would mourn the loss of her crew but break if that last name was a part of the deceased. She knew Shepard had an idea about Liara but they needed to get confirmation on her whereabouts before anything was said. "Please just see what you can come up with. I need to get some rest but I will back in the morning." She turned to leave the room when a slight moan came from Shepard they both looked at each other shocked at the possibility of the commander waking up. Becky's excitement was due to the fact that she would be able to talk to a legend, one her father idolized and her brothers drooled over but Miranda wanted her friend back and out of harm's way. She needed to know what Shepard's condition was but she didn't want her to wake up too early again.

"Do you think she heard us?" Miranda's face went pale; she didn't even think that was possible, that Shepard had heard the entire conversation but Shepard remains quiet.

"I hope not she needs to rest, and so do you. If she wakes please have a nurse contact me" A slight nod from the other room's resident was all she needed. She had to get out of the room, the emotions she was having were bringing up feelings she didn't want to have ever again but she couldn't help it. She leaned on the wall near the entrance to the hospital and took a deep breath tears forming again. She needed to go before she completely lost it. "I need a drink."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Holy crap three chapters in one day, must be a record or something or its the 118 degree heat...wtf was i thinking moving out here...anyway song is Birthday by Taproot. Just making a suggestion to youtube it. Bioware owns all...Hope everyone has a good fourth of july (dont do anything I would do, may blow off a finger or six). Have a good one.

* * *

**"Birthday"**

_All you'd show is love, yet all i'd see is hate,_

_You know that something's wrong I know I can't relate._

_Wind is blowing pleasure by and i dont feel a thing,_

_Emotion fills the sky, Erosion clouds my brain,_

_I can't seem to breath in, I can't seem to see then, through the deafening silecnce of pain~_

_(Left all alone again) Imprisoned by this selfish reign~_

_(With no more rules to bend) I. think. I'm. breaking down_

_And if had just one more day_

_I'd tell you everything, everything I had to say_

_I miss you_

_And if I had just one more day_

_I'd show you one last thing, honesty believes in fate_

_'Cause fate is what I've gained_

_Strength has come and gone so now I lie in wait_

_The void is never long~ The core belief in fate~_

_I've been down this lonely road~ before I know the way~_

_As situations change~, the answers will remain~_

_Now I've got a reason, as time has brought new season, to carry me from this pain~_

_Living proof of selfless gain~_

_And if had just one more day_  
_I'd tell you everything, everything I had to say_  
_I miss you_

_And if I had just one more day_

* * *

Over the next few weeks Miranda would visit just like clockwork, monitoring Shepards vitals making sure they were good, her wounds were healing and Miranda wanted to make sure the improvements she made were working correctly.

Shepards wounds were healing, burns were barely visible as well as her major injuries. All her wounds had rapidly started to heal compared to anyone else. She had always healed quickly since Cerberus brought her back but now with Miranda's improvements she would heal fifty percent quicker. She was ecstatic with how her improvements worked and knew she was benefiting as well. She had been working on this project for the two years she worked on Shepard using some of the Lazarus projects money for her own research. No one questioned her because she was in charge and the illusive man told her to get Shepard back by any means necessary. Her side project was never detected and she knew the overall results would be perfect. She had allowed herself to be the first test subject and was correct in her assumption, all her work had paid off so with proper monitoring they would both live healthy long lives. She smiled at the thought of living to see an age close to that of an Asari matriarch. She wondered what the future held for the galaxy and what new technology would be invented, how much influence she would have and what her mark would be in history yet her guilt came back wondering what Shepard would say.

She was brought back from her thoughts as Shepard's roommate, talkative as ever woke up and greeted her before going into the bathroom. Miranda smiled at how much she had come to like the young woman and how much she eventually enjoyed the talks they would have late hours into the night. With not much to do after rehab all Becky had was her Omni tool with some 'horrible' music, games and Miranda to talk to. She had an occasional visitor, probably from her alliance training but no family so Miranda felt it necessary to keep her mind off of her thoughts and off of her missing family by making small talk. Becky knew what Miranda was doing and returned the favor with keeping Miranda's off of the eventual good/bad news she had to give to Shepard.

When the young woman returned to her bed she smiled at Miranda then picked up her Omni to see what messages she had. "Oh look I got a message from a buddy of mine I think she was able to get some info on the list of names I passed to her."

Miranda stopped with her examination of Shepard and slowly looked at the woman across the room. "Uh... What does it say." was all she come up with as a response, a long sigh let out as she closed her eyes preparing for the worst.

Well the info I got...well...uh… hmm..."

"Say something dammit" Miranda regretted the words quickly. "Im sorry...I... you helped Shepard when you didn't have to and... I'm sorry for yelling."

"Hey no big deal...but there doesn't seem to be anything to tell at the moment...there are some names I guess associated with her more recent crew but not much on the names I sent out."

"Wait what do you mean her new crew?"

"Yeah right here...uh… James Vega, Steve Cortez, EDI...weird no last name...some reporter Diana Allers and that's about it... Lieutenant Williams is on here too."

"Well what does it say about them, alive, what's their status?"

"As far as I can tell its saying they are MIA but the reporters stories are still being sent so that means her camera is active, which could mean she is still getting out information and possibly letting the alliance know what their location is."

"Well that's better than I expected but I wanted to know more about her ground team, I am hoping that they were able to get evacuated."

"I know but there isn't anything about them, not yet anyway.'

* * *

_Running, lungs burning people dying all around her as harbingers red beam continues to decimate their defenses. The determination on her face is ever present as she keeps pushing herself closer and closer only to have to stop and regroup after an explosion wipes out a whole platoon of personnel and tanks in front of her. _

_Another red beam, an explosion, a tank flying end over end crashing down by her crew, a blinding light causes Shepard to look away for a moment, a ground shaking rumble as the tank bursts into flames, streaks of blue blood everywhere vision blurred as tears start to form, a scream leaves her mouth reaching out to her loved ones who were just taken away from her. Not wanting to move anymore and not caring if she ever moved again; darkness_

"No!" Shepard sat straight up gasping for air. She was soaked with sweat and her head was quickly looking around the room not recognizing her surroundings.

"Holy shit!" a tray hits the ground, dropped by a startled nurse.

It had been three months since Shepard was brought to the New York hospital after she was severely injured after the explosion. Some of the mass relays had been repaired so whoever could go home tried to with success. There were still no updates on Shepard's crew much to Miranda's disappointment. She had hoped to hear something, anything about her crew but they were still listed as MIA. It wasn't the worst case scenario due to the long list of loved ones missing and millions of names to sort through.

Most would never be found due to the overall power of the reapers beams incinerating everything it touched but the longer it took to hear anything the less hope people started to have.

Shepard had been recovering nicely but the doctors had kept her in a coma for three months to help the process along. Miranda had objected to doing this but agreed to the three months after the doctors had originally suggested six. She wanted to see how Shepard healed with her new implants and the coma would give her false readings. Miranda now insisted on allowing her to wake up naturally. The doctors finally agreed and it became a waiting game.

Well, today was that day; she had been having a nightmare of the last thing she remembered before everything went black. As she woke up and screamed she startled the nurse and her roommate. They both screamed not anticipating her waking and were visibly shaking before another nurse came into to the room.

"What the hell is going on in here, why all the yelling?"

The two obviously startled humans could only point towards Shepard.

"My lord she is awake, get a doctor in here now and someone call Miranda Lawson."

Looking over to the shaking commander the nurse noticed the confusion and she was restless on her bed trying to get up.

"Commander you're ok and you're in a hospital in New York."

"Reapers?" was the only thing her dry throat could manage to say.

"Sweaty they are gone, destroyed, by you. You have saved us all."

Shepard was trying to hold back her tears, she had done it but couldn't remember how or even when.

"Water please." the older nurse hands her a glass and Shepard sips slowly cooling her scratchy throat giving her some relief as she spoke. "What...What happened to all my crew where is Li..." Her face dropped as the dream that had shaken her awake came back, an obvious sadness overtook her features, sighing heavily.

"We haven't heard anything sweaty the...the alliance is searching but there are so many people to look for it may take some time."

"How long...have I been here?"

"You were brought in almost three months ago, you were pretty banged up but you are expected to make a full recovery, you only need to be here a little while longer for your rehab."

"Three months? They still have no word on what happened for the last three months!" Her annoyance growing." I need to get the fuck out of here now. I need to find her this is nuts I'm..."

"Hold on now, you are not going anywhere your arm and leg need rehabilitation if you try to stand now it won't be pretty." Looking at the pleading expression on the commander's face she continued. "Look...I will get the doctor in here and he can go over your injuries and let you know what needs to be done in order for you to leave. Maybe ... maybe I can help with who you are looking for. What was her name again?"

When Shepard didn't answer the older nurse who had started to look at her vitals and the results of her scan looked over to her patient and a concerned look overtook the elderly nurse. "Oh my look what you're doing, your beautiful face is getting all messed up from those tears. Your makeup is running."

Grabbing a wet towel from the other nurse who had not moved since Shepard woke up, she finally joins the other nurse to try and console the sobbing woman. Shepard couldn't control herself the overwhelming loss she was feeling was too much and her crying had gotten louder. The other three women in the room could only look on with helpless looks on their faces.

"Does anyone know who she is talking about?" The elder nurse asks as she puts her hands on Shepard whispering into her ear trying to calm the commander down.

"It doesn't matter." A low voice came from the crushed woman.

"I don't understand?" the nurse answers "Why would it not matter she is obviously important to you so we need to find her?"

"It doesn't matter." Shepard repeats, "It just doesn't matter."

"It does matter...it "

"IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER BECAUSE SHE'S DEAD!"


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thanks again to all who have read, followed, favorited, reviewed had an idea or helped me with any mistakes i appreciate it all. And yes Bioware owns all.

**Taproot**

**"Forever Endeavor"**

_It seems it's been so long, 'cause it's been way too long~_

_Since we've shared a warm embrace and since I've seen you smile~_

_The wind of misery appears And takes away from all we have _

_The cycle just goes on and on and on and on _

_'Cause only time will tell if, we're meant to be~ You and I won't know, if it's our destiny~_

_forever endeavor, __forever endeavor_

_(I~ am alone again 'cause I~ am alone again) _

_The choice we have to face, is whether to move on ,The urge to right our wrongs, but no fix is long~_

_The wind of misery appears, The cycle just goes on~ _

_'Cause only time will tell if we're meant to be~ You and I won't know if it's our destiny~_

_forever endeavor_

* * *

Miranda are you sure your results are correct and what do you propose we do for her? She needs to be able to remember what happened while she was on way to the crucible. I feel it's the only way we may ever find the Normandy.

Admiral Hackett asks Miranda. He wasn't quite sure how to take the news that the last scans of her brain had found some abnormalities and may cause Shepard to have missing memories. Miranda had just arrived at the hospital and asked for the results of the previous night. After looking over the scans she immediately became concerned with the spots that were noticed and placed a call to Hackett to let him know what was happening. That had been the original agreement between the two; Lawson could take over for commander's well-being as long as all findings and each step was forwarded to the Admiral or his staff. Miranda had graciously agreed and did tell Hackett everything, to include the new implants Shepard had, just not what they did. He only knew they were necessary for the Commanders survival not the life extension.

At the time the only thing keeping Shepard alive were the machines she was connected to and Miranda knew she needed to replace all the Synthetic implants. Miranda was confused as to why her body was shutting down. Even without the Implants her organs should have sustained her long enough to keep her alive for her heart transplant but with the damage done to her after the explosion her entire body had started to shut down. As guilty as Miranda felt Shepard deserved to live so she pushed all doubt aside and performed the operation.

Hackett knew of the history the commander and the ex-Cerberus operative shared after he was contacted by Dr. T'soni after Shepard was arrested. Liara had been in contact with the Admiral trying desperately to get any message she could to her love and tried everything in her power to convince the Alliance to get any message possible to Shepard. Liara had told Hackett all about the Lazarus project and Miranda's role in helping Shepard in a last desperate attempt in order to send Miranda under the impression Shepard needed Lawsons care. She needed to let Shepard know that she had been trying everything to get to her and she was trying to get the charges dropped but everyone to include Haclett and Anderson were not able to see her. Liara felt defeated and felt she failed to be there for Shepard when she needed her the most.

After a moment Miranda finally spoke. "Yes Admiral I am confident in the findings the scan revealed about Shepards brain. She apparently suffered trauma after the explosion and it will more than likely cause memory loss. I am certain it will not be permanent but unsure how long it will last. I do believe the more familiar faces she sees when she does wake up the quicker her memories may come back to her. This is just a theory and we will not know anything officially until she wakes up as we do not know what if anything she has forgotten."

"I understand Miranda thank you for your update. I was able to get in contact with the quarian fleet and Krogan leaders and Tali, Wrex and Grunt should be on their way to the hospital soon. They were all anxious to get there even though Shepard hasn't shown any signs of waking yet."

"That is correct Admiral, she is recovering nicely, quicker actually than anyone has expected and she should be waking up anytime now. I just wish there was any news about the Normandy or her groundside crew."

Miranda continues to hold out hope she can get the two back together once again. She put all her resources into finding out anything that the reports about Shepard's crew were wrong or they had found Liara. She was desperate to hear something, anything about the Normandy and its crew but the information Rebecca had come up with as well as her own search was turning up little to nothing. The reporter that was on the Normandy during the Reaper attack was still transmitting her interviews but they were on a continuous loop and when the Alliance tried to track them down through the signal they came up empty. The Alliance had run a trace on the Normandy itself through the Mass relays that were still damaged but there was too much radiation interference with their search. The only way to find the missing ship was to travel through the relays and do a scan of each planet in each separate system but not all relays were repaired yet. The Sol relay was fixed and the Salarian, Krogan and Asari races were able to return to their home worlds but it was unknown where the Normandy had ended up. Miranda could only hope the Normandy could be found soon with Liara on it for the commander's sake so the two of them could hopefully be reunited once again.

Miranda stood in silence for a moment with a pained look on her face again. Seeing this over the vid Hackett recognized it immediately.

"Miranda are you ok?" He had an idea what she was thinking about but didn't want to jump to conclusions.

Miranda looked wearingly at the image in front of her and sighed."Yes Admiral I am fine I am just worried about her is all. She has sacrificed everything for us and if the reports are correct she has lost her one purpose for moving forward in this world. I…I just don't think she will want to move on no matter who she sees. I'm sure seeing friendly faces will help for a while but it will not be what she truly wants. I know she is a soldier and is trained to deal with death and loss of loved ones but not like this. In the end all she fought for, the one thing she pushed herself to fight for was Liara."

Shepard had confided in Miranda right before they went through the Omega 4 relay, telling her what had happened from their initial meeting on Illium to after the Broker was defeated and they were able to finally talk and work things out. Miranda had wondered why Shepard was telling her all of this but soon realized Shepard just needed to talk and was showing just how nervous she was about breaking her promise and not making it back.

* * *

An annoyed look came across her face as she tried to imagine what shepard was going to say or even think after she woke up. How many times had they been separated by this war? How long did they have to live without each other? Death, missions and even their own emotions kept them apart. Liara had admitted that all she could feal was fear as Liara had been terrified when they were reunited on Illium and thought it easier to push Shepard away than coming to the realization that Shepard was the same person she fell in love with and was scared she would hate her for turning her body over to Cerberus. Even when Shepard had told her she could never hate her for anything and only wanted Liara to join her the Asari's fear came back that she would have to witness her love die again at her upcoming 'suicide mission'. All Liara could think to do was push Shepard away as much as it hurt the both of them and the look on her loves face was too much so she asked her to leave her office. All they wanted was to see and feel each other once again but when that moment finally happened Liara only saw more pain in their future and could not bear the thought of once again watching her love throw herself in harm's way and possibly leave her once again.

After the Shadow broker was killed, Shepard had made her promise of always coming back and did not want to live without Liara in her life. Everything she did was for her and making the galaxy safe from the Reaper threat was her main priority so they could be together again. She wanted to eventually have a family and start a new life with Liara. When the fight with the collectors was over she immediately set a course for hagalaz so they could spend as much time together as possible to prove to Liara she was always coming back. They had only been together for a day before Shepard was dragged away on a mission and ended up arrested for her actions. Liara had felt horrible how their last conversation had ended. She was furious with the Alliance and how they handled Shepard working with Cerberus, distancing themselves only to ask for her help when she was done. Liara took it out on Shepard and regretted all her words once they left her mouth.

When Miranda finally met with Liara to help get a message to Shepard she eventually told her all about the argument where she pleaded with Kerry not to go and to ignore Hackett's request, stay with her. They had found each other once again and the love they once shared before Shepard's death increased to beyond any feelings that could be explained in the single night they shared together. That one night completely pushed all feelings of hurt or fear either of them had and it allowed both of their souls to heal as one.

As Shepard tried to explain the importance of the mission and the possibilities of the reapers arriving Liara ignored it all and lashed out saying she needed to choose between the missions or her. Liara knew it was an impossible and unfair request. Shepard looked at her with a hurt in her eyes the Asari had never seen before even after Illium. Her love just looked at her trying to hold back the tears that escaped to her cheeks and cut Liara off as she tried to apologize and said everything she did, all the missions, the fighting, getting the loyalty of her Cerberus crew was all for her. She needed to make the galaxy safe for _their_ future and only knew how to do it her way and that was to fight to keep Liara safe. She fought for Liara and the future daughters they would have together. Before Shepard turned to leave she wiped the wetness from her eyes and finished by saying she wasn't choosing anything or anyone except for Liara and no matter what ever happened she loved her. Liara told Miranda everything to include how she had wept for days after she left as the pain filled expression on Shepard's face would not leave her mind's eye. Shepard finally contacted her and said she would come back as soon as she could as her promise never to leave her again still held true. Shepard told her they would talk when she got back but she ended up in jail after the mission and Liara tried everything she could and contacted Miranda as a last desperate attempt. Even though Liara knew her love had forgiven her she still felt terrible and she eventually found herself telling Miranda everything about their relationship. From Therum to their last visit before Shepard's incarceration she found herself not able to stop as she was desperate for Miranda's help. They both started to gain respect for each other as they were brought together by the same incredible woman and they would both do anything for her.

Shepard had that effect on everyone she met as they would become drawn to her in one way or the other. It may have been hero worship for some or an un denying attraction to her but everyone wanted to be near Shepard as much as possible. Liara knew this and was deeply touched, honored or blessed by the Goddess, she could not figure out which, if not all three and held on to that. Miranda remembers the blush that overcame Liara's face as she told her even the slightest intimate moments the two of them shared together though not in great detail. From holding hands and walking around the Citadel to their time together after Saren had been defeated, Liara found herself desperate to gain Miranda's help. The ex-Cerberus scientist agreed to help as soon as Liara asked her but found the Asari needed to talk to someone, noticing the pain in her expression knowing she hurt Shepard again.

* * *

Miranda came out of her memories as she heard yelling from Shepards room. Hackett had heard it as well.

"Miranda what is going on who is yelling?"

A smile came across her face as she realized who was shouting but soon realized the eventual conversation they would have to have. "I believe Shepard is awake. I apologize admiral but I must go and I will contact you after my initial examination is completed."

"I appreciate it Ms. Lawson and please let Shepard know I will be there as soon as I can."

Mirada nodded as the call faded and she slowly made her way towards the room she was afraid of the eventuall conversations they needed to have and hoped Shepard would understand what she did and hopefuly could remember something of use.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Again thanks to everyone reading. I do have a warning about a part of this chapter. I had to rewrite part of it because it got a little much i guess and I felt the need to tone it down a bit. You will all know what im talking about when you get to it. Anyway thanks to all who have read followed etc. and again PM's reviews are always welcome. The song is a little rough around the edges as it was never released but I feel it fits this story anyway pretty well. I think i forgot to mention this (a little late in the game but) this is a two-part story if not more hence the four different endings i have written out for this part so we will see where it goes.

Taproot

**Stay Away:**

Our friendship was a long long fare

half of my life that you were there

along my side companionship so true~

you'd pick me up when I was down

you took my fist without a sound

made me smile with no one else around

NOW YOUR GONE~ GONE~

well I miss you so much more than words explain  
(when I hear your name)

and I need you farther more than ever, NOW~

A loyal love you gave to me everything

that I needed free

everything I wanted the pedigree~

but then you had to go away

I know I'll see you again someday

promise me you'll remember the good old days

WHILE YOUR GONE~ GONE~

well I miss you so much more than words explain (when I hear your name)

and I need you farther more than ever,

NOW~

memories now haunting me I never took the time

to say I'm sorry darling for every time I crossed the line

so can you please forgive me

and let me show to you

how I go insane

when I hear your name

remember all the pain that I caused to you

well I miss you so much more than words explain (when I hear your name)

and I need you farther more than ever,

NOW~

* * *

The hospital room was uncomfortably quiet after the commanders outburst and no one wanted to breathe much less move. Shepard sat in her bed shaking with rage and despair she had no idea what had pissed her off more the fact that she blamed herself for everything falling apart or the annoying questions she was being asked. Looking for survivors and her crew was important; nothing else. She didn't care about her injuries or how long they_ thought_ they could keep her here, she needed to leave. As real as her dream was she was praying it was only a false vision and needed to prove to herself that Liara was alive and she had to leave so she could search for her love. She had no idea how or where to even start looking but being in the hospital was unbearable. As Shepard started to calm down and figure out a way to leave as soon as possible as small voice spoke up.

Answering the question the nurse had asked about who the commander was looking for before Shepard exploded, Becky nervously answered.

"Her name is Liara T'soni." A cautious low voice came from across the room.

Shepards' gaze snaps to the young woman who just spoke.

"How the fuck do you know…what do you know?" Sheppard speaks through gritted teeth her hands clenching hard together. Answer me goddamnit!"

Throwing her hands up in defense the visibly shaking Becky begins to stammer." Well I Uh..Uh"

"Fucking talk... you had no problem before… answer the question!" Shepard starts to get up wanting to get in her face...rage oozing out with each word. "I want to know how you know that name?..NOW!" Shepard could'nt understand why she was so mad, all this woman did was say a name but it was her name. It was a name she only wanted to be able to say. Shepard was selfish; she deserved a happy life with her love. They both deserved a life of solitude with all they had been through. The entire crew deserved to be left alone to live the lives they always wanted but she felt none of them would now and she blamed herself for all of it. So when it came down to it she was only mad at one person and this poor girl in front of her, the nurses, everyone was going to feel her wrath one way or another.

The younger woman was flinching at every word screamed at her hoping someone would sedate the Commander, try something to calm her down but the other nurses wanted nothing to do with the pissed off commander. There had been an audience gathering outside the room wondering why there was shouting.

Becky wished she had kept her mouth shut or was able to say something before getting screamed at by the savior of the galaxy. Not how she imagined the first conversation with her families idol.

"I...I know the name because Miranda Lawson gave it to me…so I could do a search through some friends that are out there looking for survivors of the war." finally getting her voice to work." She was tending to you and I offered to help, is all. I...I'm sorry I didn't... mean to...to upset you."

The commander put her hand on her forehead trying to massage the oncoming headache away to no avail. "So Miranda is here now...on earth?"

"Yes she came as soon as she could... I guess she assisted over a Vid Comm with your surgery before she came and was there every step of the way with your transfer from London."

The commanders mood calmed a little as she was trying to think of what to say next but her mind was racing and only one question continued to come up but the answer had already been spoken and Shepard had her mind already made up. Liara was gone and she was now alone. Alone to face the galaxy as they cheered her on created a day devoted to her, speech after speech, continuous drove parading she wants nothing to do with. All she wants is to live the rest of her life in seclusion with her love but now that was taken away from her and she had nothing left to live for and it was her fault. Shepard brought Liara on most of the missions they went on and the last one was no different. She always used the excuse that Liara was safer by her side but that would be the Asari's downfall. The more Kerry thought about it the less she cared if she was ever able to get up again much less leave the hospital.

"I just want to be left alone...please." Rolling over on her side she hears the nurse speak up.

"I'm sorry Shepard but the doctor is waiting to speak with you... He just needs to go over everything...it should be quick, then you can eat get cleaned up and maybe I can take you out for some air." the elder nurse says trying to keep the still frustrated woman calm only receiving a nod. She lead the other nurse from the room who, after Shepards outburst did not want to be there anymore. The doctor came in and spoke with the Spectre for a while as she looked at him with a blank stare on her face. The doctor only knowing she was even cognizant due to the slight sigh coming from the woman as he mentioned how long her rehab would actually take. She didn't even react at the mention of her heart transplant.

Dr. Shift was the lead doctor in the hospital and assisted in Shepard's recovery efforts after her new implants were installed. He only new what was in the medical records in front of him and Miranda had her own private records keeping most of _her _work secret. He was an older balding man who had soft features and had a good bed side manner. He always made sure to leave his patients feeling as good as possible. Today was not the case.

"So all in all you are a very lucky young woman, considering, you've healed quicker than anticipated and you should be out of here soon. Probably only a few months depending on how your rehab goes but it should go by quick."

Shepard eyes flinch at the word lucky and her anger came out again."Oh yeah...I can leave huh... then what doc...What do I do then?!" Her voice level increasing with every word. "I have nothing left so why should I give a single fuck when I get out of here!"

The doctor had never expected to be yelled at today especially from the galaxies savior and was visibly shocked with just how loud the smaller framed woman was especially after being in a coma for three months with heart problems.

Becky was thanking any deity she could think of that Shepard was no longer mad at her as well as not having someone with Shepard's voice in boot camp. _I would have crapped my pants the first day if I heard that voice_.

"Just leave me alone."

Not knowing what to say the doctor simply turned around to walk out calling for a nurse as he left.

The room fell into a deafening silence other than the beep of the machines until a familiar voice cut through the room.

"Glad to see not much has changed; you're bitchy as ever after you wake up." Miranda stands at the door with a small smile on her face. She didn't know how she should approach the commander and decided Shepard needed a friend to push her like she had seen Dr. Chakwas do countless times before. Looking back at this she wished she had gone with a different approach.

"I'm not in the mood Lawson, I appreciate what you and the pop tart over there did for me but I'd rather be unconscious again, I...I just can't deal with any of this right now."

"Well if I didn't know any better I'd say the great Commander Shepard has given up. How are us common folk supposed to go on if she cannot?" The sarcasm was oozing out of each word that was said and she regretted each one before she finished.

Becky was floored by the comments coming from her "friends" mouth, who was she to talk to Shepard like that? Miranda was supposed to be here to help not be a bitch to her from the get go.

"Get the Fuck out, go back to your sister and don't come crying to me when you need help again, I'm done with you... everyone!" Shepard starts to get up again.

"So you have given up… you won't even try to get up, get better, go look for your friends...your just going to lay there and what, feel sorry for yourself for the..."

"Who the fuck do you think you are talking to?" now Miranda had pissed off Becky and Miranda was quickly coming to realize how similar the two were in looks, mannerisms and vocabulary. The young officer had the room's attention.

"You come here; say you're her friend only to belittle her when she gets up! She just went through the worst experience anyone could go through and now she has to worry about her loved ones being out there hurt or worse! And you decide this is the best tactic so she can get up. You have a brain fart this morning or were you always this stupid? I swear Miranda I like you and I _think_ the commander did at one time but you say another word to her one of us cripples are going to get up and beat the shit out of you!... So why don't you come back in here and start over with the words... oh I don't know... hello commander... glad you're up... can I get you anything water, cigarette… a copy of vaenia?"

A loud chuckle followed by a snort came from the commander as she lifted her jaw off the floor. Shepard could not believe this woman sitting next to her she had just screamed at was defending her quite well. She could only sit there in amusement as Miranda had been taken aback by her comments. Shepard realized what Miranda was trying to do but was in no mood to talk to anyone but now all she wants is to hear her young counterpart rip into Miranda with a smile on her face

"Excuse me but this is an adult conversation we will deal with the kids section later...and I assume once again you couldn't keep your mouth shut about what I was going to tell her, Becky." Miranda's voice came out with annoyance and contempt towards the younger woman.

"Oh go fuck yourself you self-absorbed bitch." Shepard's laughter grew louder but was completely ignored. "Yes I said something because I knew you wouldn't. You were so worried about what she may think of _you_ giving her bad news when you yourself didn't know anything about her crew. She needed to know one way or the other that someone was searching for them. You have been so preoccupied with looking over her doing your experiments, wondering what to say that you completely lost sight of what was truly important that you have someone left and I don't." The last two words barely audible as the younger woman started to cry, sadness took over the emotions in the room once again.

"Becky...did you hear something about your parents?" no answer. "Becky please talk to me" Miranda lifts her hand towards Shepards questioning stare and moves over to the woman who is just lying there looking at the ceiling wiping away tears. Miranda squeezes the younger girl's hand. "Rebecca...please say something"

"What ...what would you like me to say?...I mean really Miranda what do you want to hear that they are all dead?...That I just got a message this morning saying they were found trapped in a collapsed warehouse where they probably all starved to death. What do you want me to tell you that will make _you_ feel better?"

"I think we all need to calm down a little." Shepard finally speaks up. "We are all a little on edge and need to take a breather." She slowly gets up testing her leg and was relieved she could put pressure on it with no pain. Miranda got up and helps her as she attempts to protest but Shepard has that determined look on her face that she needed to help someone who was hurting, completely forgetting her own problems. _Maybe that is the answer, she needs to forget and helping others keeps her mind off of her own issues._

After a moment Shepard sits on Becky's bed and swings her legs up lying back against the wall.

"Look kid I don't know you but you obviously need some time to process all this but _we_ are here for you when you need us". Looking at Miranda with a look saying you're helping. "Are you sure the reports are correct?"

"Yeah pretty sure they are but I've come to grips with this a while ago, even before they brought me in here, since they lived in the city I didn't have to guess too much that the reapers would hit their hard too."

"We are both sorry to hear that and as much as you may think you've already dealt with this, again, know that we are here...ok?" Becky nods and turns over as Shepard reaches out for help from Miranda she was going to ask what Rebecca meant by experiments but the young woman grabs her one arm. "Commander Shepard?"

"Yes"

"Did you call me a pop tart before?" A smile returns to Shepard's face.

"I like her she is funny."

"Yes once you get past the rambling and apparent hot temper, she has her moments." Becky sits up; now both women are looking at Miranda with a crooked smile on their faces, two sets of green eyes a little blood shot but having warmth about them with a hint of sadness, blonde shoulder length hair on both of them. A bit of a frightened look overcame Miranda as she thought she was looking at twins.

"Oh no."

"Miranda what's wrong?"

"No. no .no now there are two of you. I could barely deal with one now two...dammit." Miranda is now pacing

"Miranda stop...What are you talking about, two of what?

Lawson opens the door to the bathroom that had a full length mirror. '

"Look…Look at the two of you… You could be sisters"

"Oh come off it Miranda she may look a little like a younger version of me."

"And sounds like you, acts like you." Miranda continues.

Becky had a huge smile on her face being compared to anything of Shepard's, was an honor. Her teasing nature was screaming to come out so she let it.

"You know Miranda I just don't see it... no not really sisters... but I could pass as her daughter... probably use her ID, try to get into clubs. They may give me a senior citizens discount though." Miranda had to put her hand up in front of her mouth to keep the laughter in.

"Your right commander she is funny." Shepard is standing there with a less than amused look on her face shaking her head. She picks up a pillow and throws it into her face. Everyone in the room appreciating the change in tone of the previous moments.

"Hey I was just getting you back for the pop tart remark, no need for violence."

"Yeah you're right Miranda she makes me laugh so I won't have to kill her for that last remark about my age." Becky only sticks her tongue out at the commander.

"I don't know Shepard the galaxy isn't ready for a carbon copy of the biggest pain in the ass ever."

"Oh please Miranda, you know you want me admit it." Becky teases Miranda noticing her red face after her remark.

"I will not." Miranda is shocked by what the young woman is saying

Becky keeps going seeing how much she can push the woman in front of her."Whatever Miranda, admit it you've always wanted to be in one of those vids with two gorgeous blonde twins... Or close to twins..."

Mirandas eyes were as wide as saucers she could only stand there with a shocked expression on her face."What are you talking about I am into men thank you very much."

"That may be but all one of us would have to do is spread our legs and you'd be on your knees quicker than we could say li."

"Whoa… I think that's enough!"Shepard was beat red a shocked look came across her face." Oh my god...where did you find her and where did that come from and why am I involved in this?" The commander was getting a little uncomfortable with the topic of conversation her new roommate was coming out with. It was funny to see Miranda stammer a little but Becky was worse than any Marine she knew.

"Because shep we are the double mint twins according to Miranda and she wants to double her pleasure."

Becky looks around with a huge smile on her face as the two older women in the room had embarrassed red faces. She is thrilled she was able to make friends like the ones in her room especially after losing her family. She felt horrible about it but the banter back and forth between the three helped her deal for the time. She also knew that Shepard appreciated the change in subject even though she hoped she didn't overstep calling her shep but the commander didn't seem to mind for now anyway.

"And why is my age being brought into this again? Miranda's older than I am."

"When is your birthday anyway you never told me?"

"And there is a good reason for it Miranda...I don't celebrate it."


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thank you to everyone for the follows, favorites, reviews or even taking the time to read this. This chapter was delayed a little longer than I would have liked but fam comes to town and your supposed to be a tour guide. I really hope you're enjoying this and I appreciate any feedback. Bioware owns all.

* * *

Audioslave

**"Shadow Of The Sun"**

Once upon a time, I was of the mind, to lay your burden down,

and leave you where you stood. you believed I could, you'd seen it done before.

I could read your thoughts, and Tell you what you saw, and never say a word.

But now all that is gone, over with and done, never to return.

And I can tell you why People die alone. I can tell you I'm a shadow on the sun.

Staring at the loss, Looking for a cause, and never really sure.

Nothing but a hole, to live without a soul, and nothing to be learned.

And I can tell you why People go insane,

I can show you how you could do the same.

I can tell you why the end will never come. I can tell you I'm a shadow on the sun.

Shapes of every size Move behind my eyes.

Doors inside my head, Bolted from within.

Every drop of flame The Light's a candle in,

Memory, of the one, who lived inside my skin.

And I can tell you why People go insane, I can show you how you could do the same. I can tell you why the end will never come. I can tell you I'm the shadow on the sun.

* * *

Shepard's memories went back to her last birthday she was actually happy to celebrate. It had been on the original Normandy and there was only one person who knew about it. Dr. Chakwas had kept all Shepard's personal information quiet and never divulged it to anyone calling it 'doctor patient confidentiality'. No one asked anyway until one day a small voice came from the back of the med bay as Chakwas sat in the mess drinking tea bringing a smile to the doctor's face. She realized the growing attraction that was happening and the personal questions Liara asked were normally simple. Starting with who Shepard was and if she really trusted people as quickly as she had Liara or was it a ruse to try to get the prothean expert to reveal secrets about her mother.

"You have nothing to worry about Shepard trusts you even though some of the crew may not... You have the one and only ally you need on this ship...and if she trusts you so do I." A smile of relief came across Liaras face.

Shepard was always nervous talking with Liara fearing she would say the wrong thing so she would listen to the two of them from the shadows. Shepard was nervous for many reasons the first being Liara would get scared away learning about her past as she herself hated it. She continued to have nightmares about her parents and sister dying on Mindoir and her entire squad being killed on Akuze. She was always the sole survivor and she felt this mission to stop Saren was no different. The next was her own doubts about whether she was even worthy of anyone and if she was she knew they would get hurt one way or the other. The Commander felt either she would push them away or they'd be taken away from her on a mission but Liara was different. She seemed to care about the Commander even after seeing some of her memories in the initial Meld they did when Liara came on board. It seemed to make Liara care more for Shepard. The Commander had never asked what she saw and Liara hadn't asked yet. The Asari always seemed to brighten up whenever they were in a room together; her face showing compassion. Shepard began to realize it wasnt solely due to the Prothean knowledge she was carrying and she could no longer ignore the feelings she had for Liara.

She had walked in on one of their conversations after completing her rounds and she couldn't help but stare at Liara and even though she felt bad about it, she was just being curious and seeing if the conversation would turn to a topic about her, at least that what she told herself. _ I should just talk to her more and answer any questions she has about me. She doesn't need to know everything but this is getting weird and if I get caught it won't matter. _

Much to the commanders delight the talks always were about her and normally the same, Liara asking Chakwas one question about Shepard as they sat in the dark drinking tea together. This lasted a few nights when finally, much to Shepards dismay and extreme embarrassment Dr. Chakwas asked the eavesdropping commander to join them, startling both the asari and Shepard. She remembered being utterly demoralized by Chakwas doing this and only thought Liara would think she was creepy. _I am being creepy_. Shepard sat with a bottle of brandy to calm her nerves and watched in horror as Chakwas left the two alone. O_h great now I'm alone with her and she will ask me how much I heard and I will babble like an idiot because I don't want her to think I'm...oh god I blew this before it started_.

Commander can I ask you something?

_Oh boy here it comes... why were you looking at us in the dark? Oh I don't know liara I'm infatuated with you and can stop thinking of you but instead of saying something I stalk you ... Want to go on a date?... Fuck me._

"What day do you celebrate your birth? If it's too personal of a question you don't have to answer. I just wanted to know something about you and I thought about asking Dr. Chakwas but I didn't know if I should... I'm sorry I'm rambling."

Shepard remembers Liara looking down rubbing her own hands together as her nerves grew. Liaras look turned to concern as Shepard's eyes became filled with sadness as she had thought of a time when she cared about her birthday when she was teenager, sixteen to be exact, a week before her family died and they had celebrated with a huge party. Now all that day brought was pain and sorrow so she put it to the back of her mind but she was asked about it for the first time in years and she was silent, not really knowing how to answer a simple question.

"I'm sorry Shepard I did not mean to upset you." Shepard forced a smile as the tears were rolling down her face as Liara grabs the commander's hands. Shepard realized she was crying and quickly pulled one hand away and wiped her eyes leaving the other in Liaras.

"Liara it's ok. I'm sorry... I haven't thought about that day in a long time and it just brought some things up I'd rather not think about." She started to get nervous and speak faster. "You said nothing wrong please don't ever think that. You could never upset me with anything. I always enjoy talking to you and hope you feel the same way. You admitted to finding me fascinating and I feel the same way about you and..." Her voice trailed off as she got lost in the Asaris gorgeous blue eyes..."Your eyes are like diamonds. "_fuck me what did I just say._

Shepard felt her face getting even more flushed as she noticed Liaras face blush as well. Liara gently grabs the Commanders other hand again and she becomes even more nervous.

"Uh... Wow..I uh..."

Shepard could not think of a set of words that actually made sense. She started to panic and wished she could get up and leave but didn't want the feelings of Liaras touch to go away.

Liara could only sit there, her expression turned into a smile. She initially seemed embarrassed by what the commander had said but soon became amused at how "foolish" Shepard sounded and how badly she was fumbling over her words.

_Oh god she is smiling now …she thinks I'm an idiot. How the hell am I ever look her in the eyes again_…_eyes ...I could get lost in her eyes._

"Dammit I screwed this up." A slap echoes through the quiet mess hall as Shepard realized she said the last sentence out loud her free hand covering her mouth.

Liaras smile stayed but a questioning expression joined as her eyes narrowed. "Tell me commander what do you think you did wrong?"

_Was she on a different planet? _

"Uh...well...I'm not good at this...uh talking... And stuff...and ...

Shepard can only shake her head as the memory continues to when Dr. Chakwas tried to embarrass her as she looks out the window of her hospital room. Her memory continues:

"Well as I live and breathe the great commander Kerry Shepard brought down to the likes of babbling mush by one doctor Liara T'soni." Dr Chakwas said with a smile. Shepard just wanted to find the nearest door, airlock, anything so she get out of this. This had been the second time in less than an hour Chakwas had embarrassed her. W_hat the fuck did I do to her.?_

As Liara had turned around to see Chakwas walk over, Shepard starts frantically waving her away pleading for her not to come over. She could mess this up all on her own without help from the big-mouthed doctor.

"Why Shepard I have never heard you stammer so much when talking to someone." A high embarrassed laugh was all the commander could manage as she slammed her head into the table with a loud crack. She started pull away from Liara and try to wrap her arms around her head begging for this nightmare to end but Liara refused to let her hand go.

Shepard smiles to herself, remembering all the teasing that happened that night. It started when she slowly looked up eyeing the Asari first then looked towards Chakwas as she started to hear the both of them laugh a little. T_hey both look amused, something is going on here_. Her brow furrowed realizing something was up.

"Doctor what are you trying to do to me, I think I've already made a complete ass of myself without your help." With that, a small chuckle came from Liaras direction and then from Chakwas.

"What the hell is going on here?" Laughter started to increase the more Shepard asked...

Much to the dismay of the commander Chakwas had convinced Liara to give her a taste of her own medicine. As much as Chakwas had a soft spot for Shepard she liked the Asari that much more and the teasing Shepard did to Liara, made Chakwas want to get back at the commander the best way she knew how. She knew Shepard liked Liara and became very protective of her but also would ramble while talking to her if it wasn't related to the mission or trying to tease the young Asari. So since Chakwas knew Shepard had been eavesdropping on some of their conversations she came up with a way to get back at Shepard . She told liara to continue to ask something personal about her like when her birthday was and just to sit back and watch her stammer around for an answer because Shepard would figure Liara would want to make a big deal out of it. She wasn't fully aware of Shepard's past feelings towards that particular subject but figured if Shepard thought for a minute that Liara would do something for her that her shy side would come out and they would be able to capitalize on it for their own amusement.

Shepard smiles at what she had said to them and the reaction from Liara.

"I see how it is, my crew is out to get me. Ok good one ha ha laugh it up you two. Now I believe I will go back to my room and die of embarrassment." A blue hand quickly pulls the commander back down as the Asari had an utterly horrified look on her face.

"It's ok Liara the Commander was just using a human figure of speech. Which means that our little plan was a success." The grip loosened a little as Liaras nerves calmed but continued to hold Shepards arm, it was an amazing feeling. The ship's doctor turned on the balls of her feet and walked away smiling. "Have fun you two."

Liaras hands had a Trans like effect on the commander and she loved the feel of it on her skin. Shepard remembers smiling as best she could towards the prothean expert trying desperately to leave so she would not say anything else dumb."Liara I'm a little tired and I think I made enough of a fool of myself tonight. I uh ... Just hope we can talk maybe... Tomorrow if you want... If you don't that's ok too I guess." Liara smiled and let go of the commanders arm disappointment on both their faces. "Shepard I ..."

"Kerry...uh I wouldn't mind if you called me Kerry when we are alone if .. If you wanted to." As Shepards face became red again Liara admitted later that she always wondered how it could change colors so quickly.

"Kerry ... I would love to continue our talk later so you may sleep but I was hoping you could answer my question from before if you wanted to... I was serious about being interested in you" now it was Liaras turn to blush which made Shepards heart skip. "And I don't think you acted like a fool and I'm sorry if you felt uncomfortable with what Dr. Chakwas and I did... I did not mean to embarrass you...much." Shepard remembers the playful look Liara gave her, she loved that look, any look Liara would give her. Shepard's head shot up with a smile ear to ear.

"Ah I see how it is... I think I may have to reprimand Dr. Chakwas for corrupting my favorite scientist and then never talk to her again but as for my birthday I guess it would fall on the eleventh of April as far as the earth calendar... Which if I'm thinking correctly it's in three days.

Shepard kept thinking back to that day and how much she loved what liara had done for her in such a short amount of time. They were headed back to the citadel already and were expected to be there a day before Shepards birthday and Liara wanted to make it as special as she could. She told Shepard how she had went to all the crew she felt comfortable enough talking to which was mainly Wrex, Garrus, Kaiden and Joker who all agreed to help her with suspicious smiles on their faces which made Liara wonder if asking them was a good idea. They ended up having a party for Shepard at Flux, even though Choras den was Jokers first pick and everyone including the commander had a good time. Shepard continued to think back on that night as she eventually worked up the courage to ask Liara to dance after some pushing from Williams and Tali. She was surprised at how Ashley had come around towards the Asari but Ash told her if she was willing to go to the effort to make a big deal about all this then she was ok in her book.

She could still remember the Asaris mesmerizing touch, the form-fitting dress Tali picked out for Liara, her voice and deep blue diamond eyes as they slowly danced. All Shepard could do was close her eyes and smile at the scientist as she became putty in her arms. The intoxicating smell Shepard had grown so fond of coming from Liara, ever-present as close as they were and their bodies moved so fluidly together, she never wanted that night to end. Shepard remembers everyone watching them as they stayed on the dance floor for what seemed like hours and could only smile at how happy she finally was.

* * *

Coming back to reality she soon realized that this was the first time in a while she had thought about that day. She began to remember that it had been over three years since that time and it had been one of the best times of her life but now they were all distant memories. Once again she wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and disappear. As soon as her thoughts brought her some joy it went away as reality set in and Shepard was left with the truth that her love was gone and she was left alone to think about what could have been.

"Wow you two could fuck up a wet dream, you both need to stop thinking so much your starting to depress the crap out of me." Becky had seen the reaction on Shepard's face as she must have been thinking back to possibly better times and she worried that the commander would go down a long hard road of depression if she didn't get answers but she worried as did Miranda that the answers Shepard had told herself were true and Shepard would fall apart because of it. She had heard of it all through her Alliance training of past wars of loved ones dying and the ones closest to them falling apart. Some of the strongest people would shut down because the pain would be too much and the thought of their loved ones never returning was more than they could handle.

This was Shepard though and she had been around and seen it all. Lost loved ones and crew members on missions and jumped right back into the thick of it full force. She never stopped, never quit and succeeded in every battle she was in but that was the woman on paper and she was after all only human. How much could she take before it became too much.? How much loss could a person endure before they shut down? As much pain as Shepard had dealt with and past losses this would be her hardest test of resolve yet. The Alliance had seen it, Becky overheard Miranda tell the doctors that Admiral Hackett wanted a full psych eval done on her when she woke up. She knew why and the more she observed the commander alone in her thoughts the more she understood it was necessary. The war had taken its toll on the greatest warrior ever born and now the Alliance worried she pushed herself… they pushed her to the brink. The Alliance had sent her to battle the worst enemy ever encountered by any race and she once again succeeded but it may have caused her psychological problems.

By the time Miranda and Becky realized what was going on the commander had made it back to her bed.

"I just need to be left alone."

Miranda became concerned but still had tests to run. "Shepard I know your tired and need time to process all that has happened but I need to run tests and takes scans it won't take...

"No...you can do whatever you want tommorow...I really need to be left alone right now."

Gone from her voice was the power it once held. Gone was the conviction she had during the speeches she gave at the citadel accepting her enrollment as a spectre, all that was left of this great woman in front of Becky was a shell. It scared the young woman that Miranda had been right, if Shepard could not go on how could she after losing her entire family. Miranda sighed heavily and left the room. Shepard was quiet so Becky was left to her own thoughts about her family and how they would have raved at the fact that her roommate was the commander. How quickly they would have come to see her only to get a glimpse of the woman but even if they were alive and eventually saw her they would only witness the same tragedy sitting in front of her. Becky had made up her mind at that moment Shepard needed help and Miranda could not do it on her own. Becky would do anything she could to help the Commander and could only hope it would be enough; this was her new family now.


	9. Chapter 9

**Tapoot**

**Memorial Park:**

IT'S A PLACE

lost but not forgotten

IT'S A PLACE

where you once belonged

IT'S A PLACE WHERE YOUR LOVED~

Of the good ol' Sundays way back when  
(Memories)

Carving initials in the sand  
(Memories)

Countless time that you have spent  
(Memories)

a cherished gift given by a friend,

Out of your pocket now,

a necklace made of gold,

see the picture in your hand,

the story now unfolds,

the son is now behind you,

his likeness leaves no doubt,

place a hand upon your shoulder,

with a whisper ringing out,

"You don't belong here"

* * *

_"Skipper, this planet is too hot and there are too many geth and YOUR DRIVING may kill us before we reach the target. You sure this Asari is worth all this effort?" Ash, complains for about the fifth time since being planet side. "Can it Chief" I say with a small smirk. The bickering and the teasing is great but I wonder if they weren't being serious about my driving. "I drive fine" I say only to have everyone stop what they were doing to give me a look of are you kidding me. 'What? I do." A synthesized voice comes from the back of the Mako "Keelah, Shepard there is flat ground to the left of us, how bout heading towards it. Do you know what it's like to vomit in my suit then having to clean it .It's not fun, at all. "Spirits Shepard," I hear Garrus continue, do you know how long it is going to take me to repair all this on the Mako, I think there is one panel you haven't destroyed yet on the top. How about you roll the Mako one more time till you can dent that one too._

_"Alright, I get it, my driving abilities aren't all that great, man, you guys are more ruthless than a hungry pack of varen…Hey wait, why is it that the only one not complaining is Wrex, he has been quiet the entire time" Ash looking at me with a smile… "Because skipper if he does open his mouth what he ate for the last three days will be in your hair. He is trying to figure out which would be worse your wrath or your driving."_

_"We need to find Dr. T'soni she may have the key to help stop Saren and if there are geth here shes probably in trouble." _

_Fighting wave after wave of Geth only to come face to face with a beautiful sight."Wow."_

_Moving up to get a closer look smiling at the sight of someone trapped by her own hands. "Please help me out of here" her voice is entrancing. _

_"What are your orders skipper."Asks Ash."Get that laser ready we need to get her out of there."_

_Coming up behind her my nerves are growing hitting a button she starts to fall. Catching her in my arms, breath hitching a little at being so close. Her eyes are as blue as the ocean, finding myself getting lost in them._

_"Thank you commander if you hadn't come I might have… Thank you." Can't find words heart feels like its beating out of my chest. _

_"Commander we have company." More Geth and a Krogan wanting this blue beauty; Not happening. _

_The entire cave is coming down, running having to stop to pick Liara up loving the feeling of how close she is; ignoring the rocks falling around us legs burning jumping onto the Normandy just as the cave collapses. Laying her down to check on her... eyes closed… not breathing?!…blue blood everywhere…?!"Liara please stay with me. Please no…this isn't right…someone help me please"…too much blood._

_Blue eyes shoot open "You brought me into this… it is your fault I am now dead."_

* * *

"No please no!"

Shepard was breathing heavily and had more tears running down her face. The only words coming from her it's my fault over and over. Becky was already awake and had quickly moved to Shepard's side.

"Shepard it's ok it was only a dream and its over just try to relax a bit and..."

"Who are you and where am I?" Shepard starts to pull away.

Confusion sets in to both woman but Becky brushes it off as her being disoriented from the dream she had. "You're in the hospital In New York, I'm Becky remember we were talking last night the three of us you, me and Miranda." The commander becomes even more confused.

"What? Why is Miranda here she should be with her sister and why am I in here what about the reapers?" The more Shepard talks the more Becky realizes she has no memory of the night before. Becky starts to panic a little but takes a breath and continues looking directly into the Commanders panic filled green eyes.

"You have to try and remember last night...ok... You woke up after 3 months in a coma after you defeated the reapers; Miranda is here helping you and so am I. You seem to have had another nightmare so you may want to try and relax a minute and gather your thoughts."

All Becky sees in the Commanders face is she is scared. Scared that she can't remember anything that happened, not knowing why she was here and not remembering that the reapers are gone. It was like her brain flipped a switch and started the entire day over. Becky had hoped she was wrong and that all she needed was a full day of being awake so her memories would come back but she wasn't a doctor and had no idea what was going on. "Do you remember how you defeated them?. The reapers?.. I asked last night but you had a hard time remembering much." Becky lies trying to see if she can get the Commander to remember something.

Shepard just shakes her head and looks at her hands as she nervously rubs them together. "Do you know what happend to my crew?"

This was going to be tougher then Becky thought. "I had some friends of mine do a search from a list of names Miranda gave me and so far I have only got bits and pieces but ... It just says they are MIA and the Alliance is still looking and so far they haven't found anything yet as far as the Normandy and your crew. We won't know anything until the relays and com buoys are all up ... It may just take some time."

Shepard only blinks as tears form in her eyes shaking her head "I had a ground team with me... They are gone there was an explosion as we ran to the beam to get to the crucible ...and that was it."

The younger soldier didn't know what to do, she felt horrible but she seems to be remembering something.

"Look Shepard I don't want to upset you again but maybe you should just relax a moment you never said anything about this last night and ...and you forgot who I was so maybe clear your head and everything will come back to you."

Shepard nods as concern grows across her face at how she forget the night before.

"Do you remember anything that happened last night?"

"No I don't it's all a blank."

"Man how could you forget about me?... I defended you against Mirandas bitchyness... So you mean to tell me you forgot all about my double mint twins joke?.. Wow that's hard to swallow." She decides to use humor to help Shepard relax a little.

Shepard sat up amused at the young woman's demeanor she rolls her eyes a bit and smiles.

"Double mint twins do I even want to know? You had to defend me from Miranda?.. This does suck I want to know what you said now."

Becky smiles at the Commander she was glad she had not lost her sense of humor and remained calm for the moment. "Let's just say she won't try to give you any reverse psychology pep talks and I'm pretty sure she won't be able to watch lesbian porn without thinking of us." Shepard immediately pulls back a look of horror across her face. Becky immediately went into damage control mode realizing she may have over stepped a little." No… no nothing happened I promise she just said we looked alike and acted the same and could not handle two Shepard's so I just casually mentioned she could not resist being in the middle of a Shepards pie."

The snort followed by more laughter was all Becky needed to confirm Shepard started to loosen up and she wasn't offended.

"Oh god!"

"Yeah that's pretty much what you both said last night too."

"I wish I could remember her face." Laughter filled the room and they were both relived for a moment. Even though Shepard was having trouble remembering certain parts of the previous evening something came back to her." Wait I called you a pop tart right and Miranda had said I was a bitch when I woke up... That's right you said one of us cripples would get up and beat the shit out of her." Memories start to come back. "Thank you ... For dealing with my shit I appreciate it but I still dont remember everything most of it is a blur. But I did want to say again I'm sorry about your family."

A sigh of relief was all Becky could let out she was elated that the commander had remembered or started to. The only thing now was to hope this didn't continue and if it did what was the cause.

* * *

Shepard later tells her doctors what had happened about her memory loss and she had to ask again how long it would take until she got to leave the hospital. She was in a better mood for most of the day and was trying not to think about her nightmare from this morning.

"I hear our patient has woken up." A calming voice comes from the doorway as Shepard is listening to Becky talk. Shepard thinks she recognizes the voice and quickly turns to look at an Asari doctor smiling at her. She immediately starts to shake but quickly calms down as she realizes it's not who she thought it was.

"Hello Dr. V'Ler how are things going?" Becky answers noticing the commander's reaction.

"I am well thank you…Shepard are you alright?"

She cannot stop staring at the Asari standing in her room."Do I know you?" Shepard finally speaks up a defeated look comes across her face. "Nevermind it's not important." Her voice dropping to barely above a whisper.

"It is ok Commander in fact I am glad you did recognize me so quickly it confirms my experiment I was running."

Shepard closes her eyes trying not to see the similarities between Liara and the doctor. She starts to feel the heat behind her eyes and the lump in her throat. She takes a deep breath to try and calm her nerves. "What kind of…experiment?"

"Well commander I heard about your memory loss and wanted to see if you remembered me from the operating room. You woke up and looked at me during your recovery so I wanted to see if your memory came back from that time. The fact that it did is a very good sign and it is showing how fascinating your mind really is…"

"Please stop…do not say another word…please." This was too much for Shepard to take. "I'm sorry doctor but you remind me of … I just need some air." She moves to the end of her bed and takes a deep breath once again. She is trying to walk out of her room but is quickly reminded she needs to take it easy. As she reluctantly gets into her hover chair she continues to ignore the Asari standing directly in front if her.

"Would you like me to come with you?" The doctor starts to grab at the chair.

"No." Shepard snaps. "Thank you I will be fine." Her words are pleading for everyone to leave her alone. As she leaves Becky and the doctor turn to each other with helpless looks not knowing what to do.

* * *

Shepard moves her way down each hallway trying to get as far away from her room as possible so she can get the picture of the Asari doctor out of her mind. As she continues through the hospital everyone she passes smiles at her but she ignores them picking up her pace not wanting to speak to anyone. She comes up on a man with a white lab coat and recognizes him. He starts to walk toward her as she tries to turn around.

"Commander Shepard." it's Dr. Shift. "Please I just wanted to talk to you for a minute." Shepard stops and slowly turns around to face the doctor. Her expression is one of distaste, she has no patience for this man but no idea why.

"What can I do for you doctor? She was never one for long conversations and was not going to start with him.

"I have read over your reports and I wanted to talk to you some more about your memory loss. I am worried it may be sporadic and it may happen again after you wake up that your mind will restart every morning."

"Is that your official diagnosis doctor…my mind does a reboot after I wake up. I could have told you that." Sarcasm flowing from her lips. Shepard did not like this man at all and other than him telling her she had to stay longer in the hospital, there were no other reasons for acting this way towards him. She was mad at everything that had happened and needed someone to take it out on so between the doctor and the two nurses that are taking care of her she had her victims and would take every advantage to let them know how pissed she was. They never did anything wrong directly to her but they were the first people she remembered when she woke up and since she had nothing else to do why make it easy for them. She wondered why she treated Becky better but then again she forgot the young woman within a couple of hours of meeting her. It concerned Shepard that certain memories were there while others were hazy at best. All her doctors wanted to help but she would rather leave and search for anyone she could but Dr. Shift was in charge of her care now and was not about to budge.

"No, Commander that is the official diagnosis from our head psychiatrist here at the hospital Dr. Gallagher."

"Well then maybe you should get a new head, head shrink." She had a sarcastic smile on her face to go along with her attitude. "I knew that already so if this head doctor could tell me why it's happening and what I can do to fix it that would be helpful. That would be some real progress don't you think?" The doctor ignores her remarks and tone as he looks over a chart.

"Well we would like to set up times that went around your rehab schedule to see Dr. Gallagher so we could move your recovery along."

"I see so the quicker I speak with this doctor the quicker I can get out of here?" She started to see a light at the end of this tunnel.

"Yes, as soon as Dr. Gallagher clears you as well as your therapist, you can leave." The doctor finally looks from his chart to see Shepard smiling.

"Where do I sign up?"


	10. Chapter 10

911ost

Nine one one...Nine one one...Nine one one...Nine one, lost

Emergency, this blood on my hands isnt killing me

Take these broken reigns, away from me

In the aftermath while eyes fade to green

To black, fade to green to black, fade to green

SAVE ME!~

Emergency, this blood on my hands isnt killing me

Take these broken reigns, away from me

In the aftermath while eyes fade to green

* * *

Dr. V'ler and Lieutenant Finch are left in the room alone both not knowing what to say. The Asari doctor was only trying to reassure Shepard and did not mean to upset the Commander. She was only trying to help with the Commanders recovery so she can get her memories back but she feels as if she pushed too hard and caused Shepard to close herself off. She only said a few words but the look of despair that came across the Commanders face was one the Asari doctor will never forget. She starts to think back to when she first walked into the room and where it went wrong. Dr. V'ler initially wanted to follow Shepard and apologize but quickly stopped. As much as she wanted to comfort the Commander she knew to leave her alone to her thoughts and let Shepard figure things out on her own. It may not be the best course of action to take but the Commander just woke up and realized her love and crew were gone and the guilt was eating at her that _she_ was still alive. Miranda had explained how Shepard would react to certain situations, seeing it first hand after serving with her on the Normandy. Lawson informed the Asari doctor all about her feelings for Liara and her crew and she was trying to understand what the Commander was going through at the moment but didn't believe she should be left alone too long. It worried everyone that Shepard may give up and try to hurt herself and the Asari was hopeful this would not be the case and Shepards friends and loved ones could be found. Even if they couldn't and they were all gone as Shepard herself had said the Commander needed to live her life and not let loss break her down. Dr V'ler was unfamiliar with human emotions and their mindset but if it was anything like the Asari she had seen it before. She had seen her fellow commandos fall apart after losing a close friend or loved one and it was not something you could ever get used too. Watching someone fall apart after a horrific ordeal was horrible to witness. Giving up and not wanting to go on with life was a thought Dr. V'ler had a hard time imagining herself going through. She loved life and everything in it. Yes there were horrible things to have to witness in a person's lifetime especially an Asaris with as long as they lived but with the evil that is out there she also knew that the amazing gift that is life is enough of a reason to push through all the turmoil. This was the reason for the Asari becoming a doctor to help get her patients back on their feet physically and emotionally. She prided herself on her caring manner she displayed when dealing with a patient. She knew people would become withdrawn and difficult when having to deal with too much physical and emotional pain and the realization of ones mortality is normally at the forefront of a patients mind when injured and hurting. She only hoped the commander would not shut everyone out who was trying to help her and allow herself to live. Dr. V'Ler was brought back to reality when Lieutenant Finch starts to talk.

" Well that could have gone better."

The doctor furrows her brow a little and stares at the young human woman. " Yes I believe it could have but the Commander is strong and seems to need time to…process everything."

"You think?" Finch says sarcastic as ever. "She needs to leave, it is the only thing that will help her, not doctors and spectators fawning all over her trying to get a glimpse of the 'Hero of the Galaxy', everyone just needs to give her a break already…shes been through enough for even your lifetime…

"Do not tell me what to do human. You have no idea who I am or what my reasoning is for being here." The asari doctor interrupts. " I do not tell you how to do your job I would appreciate you do the same. I have seen this before and as much as Shepard wants to be alone she needs everyone supporting her…not making jokes." The last comment directed solely at the younger human in front of her. Dr. V'ler didn't understand this 'coping mechanism' as Miranda had called it, the young human would use in tense situations. The Asari doctor always felt it necessary to deal with problems straight forward and as quick as possible and not skirt around problems by making light of the situation but Asari where not known for their sense of humor.

Being slightly offended the human states. "Look I only do it when I know for certain she and anyone else needs to think about something else so they don't dwell on the negative. It has helped me and I know it has helped Shepard. She let her guard down and became less withdrawn when I joked with her. You should try it, be less stiff." Rebecca didn't know much about the Asari as a race but from what she witnessed of the doctor she had a huge stick up her ass and was way to serious.

"Again, do _Not_ tell me how I should perform my work…worry about your own recovery human and do not concern yourself with things you have no knowledge of." Dr. V'ler was quickly growing tired of this human in front of her as she had no idea of what she was talking about.

Rebecca is getting aggravated and she starts to get up to yell at this stuck up bitch in front of her but gets interrupted.

Dr. V'ler do you know where Shepard went I needed to perform a scan and discuss her recovery process?" Miranda says as she walks into the room. As she looks up from her data pad she realizes she has walked into the middle of something. Sighing a little not really wanting to deal with whatever it is she reluctantly asks. "What is going on in here? Doctor I asked you to check on Shepard, where did she go?"

Before the doctor can answer, Rebecca chimes in still agitated with the conversation she was having. "Doctor blue over there came in and asked a question. The commander realized she had the personality of a pile of dog sh…"

"Enough… I don't care what happened between you two; my concern is for the commander only. Now where is she?

The Asari doctor is staring daggers at the younger human in the room and neither are standing down. She is starting to lose her patience with her and is getting upset by how much Rebecca is unnerving her. Slowly calming down she says. " I came in the room to check on the commander and she seemed to remember me almost immediately and I made a comment on how impressed I was that she remembered me and she seemed to be recovering well from her memory loss but…" Trailing off a little. "She became upset immediately and asked that I stopped talking. I'm not sure what I did."

Miranda becomes concerned immediately; that a simple statement could upset Shepard. Miranda knew she was hurting but something was not quite right with the explanation she was receiving and knew there was more. "Doctor I need to know what you said exactly. It doesn't make sense she would act like this."

The Asari doctor explained what was said, skipping the argument she had with the other patient in the room. She felt it unprofessional on her part that she got into it with a patient no matter how rude the human was being.

Miranda reassured Dr. V'ler that she didn't do anything wrong, per se and reminded the Asari doctor about when Shepard woke up during her recovery and thought she was Liara. The doctor felt bad about upsetting the Commander but knew it was unintentional. She still wanted to reach out and apologize to the commander but Miranda told her she needed time and will comeback to the room soon enough and they could all talk then.

"If you see her please let me know as soon as possible I have to get a scan of her new synthetic implants. I need to make sure her body and the naniets in her blood are not rejecting them." Miranda was forgetting about the young alliance officer as she was looking at her data pad but suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Miranda, perhaps we should discuss this in private?"

Miranda sighs and closes her eyes realizing she made a mistake and knew she would have to explain it to Rebecca without revealing too much. She saw the look on the Lieutenants face and held her hand out to stop the endless flow of questions that were going to come next but they came anyway.

"What the hell are you talking about Miranda? I knew there was something going on dammit. You just could keep your hands off her could you… Cerberus will never leave her alone will they? Even with everything she has done you just couldn't help yourself by doing more experiments on her could you? I read up on you after we met… Something didn't add up, a civilian being in charge of the Commanders well-being…no way so I want to know right now what you did before I have you arrested or shot for being a traitor."

Miranda knew it was none of her business but she had made a mistake and talked about private medical information in front of a another patient. She never made mistakes and it was aggravating her to no end. She was trying to come up with something to say but could not come up with anything. Even though she had the backing of Admiral Hackett she knew if specifics were given to him or the alliance and council she could be arrested or worse. Shepard is a spectre and the Council could easily take back their pardon. Even if there was nothing they could do to her about replacing Shepards implants and 'playing god' again by extending her life she could be charged with anything the Council wanted as everyone left in the galaxy was still reeling from the war and pissed about Cerberus and their role in it. She could be used as an example no matter how she helped Shepard and didn't want to think about it so she sighs again closes the door, explaining everything.

* * *

The rest of her trip around the hospital went by without an issue. Shepard had made her way outside and was happy at the view she saw. It was a clear day, sun was starting to go down but the air was still. Her green eyes stared off enjoying the mountains in the distance. It was a beautiful sight and it was one she had not seen in a long time. Peace, it was hard to think there were still views like this after seeing the devastation on all the planets she went to especially on Earth. This area seemed untouched by the war and Shepard was happy for what she saw in front of her.

It had been three years since she saw a view like this; it was after they defeated Saren then given shore leave and she brought Liara to Earth. They went to a remote island in the pacific away from prying eyes. They had the place to themselves and they spent the entire time there enjoying each other physically and emotionally. They got lost in each other learning who the other one was on every level. They started to develop a true loving relationship with each passing day. By the time they left the feelings they had for each other were stronger than they had ever felt. The next place they went to was Thessia. She had to console Liara when they finally made it to her home in Armali. Liara hadn't seen it in years and the last time she was there her and her mother fought. Liara barely made it to the front door when the tears started. Shepard embraced the Asari for a moment telling her she would be there for Liara and they would get through this together. Shepard still felt horrible with what happened with Benezia and still blamed herself even though Liara never did. They finished the tour of the house looking for anything recent that could tell them why she felt it necessary to join Saren. All they found was a note to Liara…

**Little wing, I only wish our last meeting was happier one and did not end in you walking out. It has been so long since I have seen you I only wish I could have been there for you more as a child. I regret what I said and I need you to know that I have always been proud of you in every journey you have gone on. You may hear things about the journey I am about to partake in but I feel it necessary in order to possibly save the galaxy. I fear I may not succeed so I must insist you find safety as there is a threat looming and if I fail I fear all may be lost. Remember I love you little wing. Be safe and I hope our reunion can be a joyous one.**

Shepard starts to feel heat behind her eyes at the sadness she saw on Liaras face after her confrontation with Benezia on Noveria. The initial look Liara gave her after she killed her mother was filled with hate and she could barely be in the same room with Liara after. All she wanted to do was console her and apologize for taking her mother's life but felt she would only cause more pain and remind them both of what Shepard had done. Her thoughts started to darken as well as her mood. _Dammit, I killed her whole family, how the hell could she forgive me, why did she?_

"No, do not do this, not now." She whispered to herself trying to hold it together. She tried desperately to push her memory away; this is not what she wanted to think about.

"You know you keep talking to yourself people are going to think you're crazy, make you stay in here longer." A garbled voice came from a hooded figure that sat in the corner off to the one side. Smoke billowed though the air and whoever this was had been drinking something, she guessed it was alcohol. Shepard couldn't see a face and she could barely see where this person was. She decided that it would be a nice distraction and continue the conversation anyway.

"Yeah I have heard that too. You a patient here or just visiting?

"Just visiting but im trying figure out if I want to look at them right now."

Shepard became slightly curious. "Well I'm sure whoever you're trying to see has been sent here for a reason and may need a familiar face. Don't you think you owe it to yourself and whoever you're here for to try and see them?"

"You get any visitors yet Commander?"

The title didn't concern her; people knew her but avoiding the question starts to peak her interest as to whom this person was. "No visitors yet but I think they are trying to keep my being here a low profile and since you know who I am it looks like they failed. By the way you have a name?

"Just know there are a lot of people waiting for you when you get out of here."

Shepard's internal alarms were blaring and she was becoming agitated. "If you're trying to intimidate me it's not working. You can tell anyone 'waiting for me' as you so put it that I am here, not going anywhere for a while they can come get me." The more she thought about fighting the more she grew tired. It was over for her she had nothing left to fight for

"Then if you're not going to put up any kind of fight then what's the point then. You might as well stay here and die alone and miserable."

"I don't know who the fuck you think you are but if you have a problem with me I'm right here." Her voice growing louder with last two words. "If you want me dead then do me a favor and put a bullet in my head now, I have nothing left so just get it over with! The sun had completely set and the poor lighting made it hard for her to see. She became nervous when the hooded figure walked towards her. She wanted to get up but all her muscles ached and as she noticed her apparent killer was only a few feet away sopping but still to far away to see who it was.

"You have a lot to live for so do us all a favor and don't give up." With that statement the mysterious person walks away leaving the commander more confused than when she woke up this morning. She looked around but saw whoever this was had disappeared so she plays it off as some nut wanting to get their kicks. She starts to go back inside when she notices an audience crowding around her so she decides to go back to her room, clean up, eat and get some rest. She knew she needed to talk to Miranda but didn't want to see anyone right now. Before she could make it to the door she hears a familiar voice_._

"Keelah, Shepard you're okay."


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Bioware owns all just ahving a little fun

**"Path Less Taken"**

What if we haven't lost our way,

What if we haven't lost our minds, And chose to seize the day,

What if we know just how to rise and shine,

What if we see our circumstances now START AT THE END...END...END!,

So here, we, go, again, A past worth savin, At last we're pavin, The path less taken;

Why not believe in making change,

Why not perceive through open blinds,

Why not be free to go and play,

Why not adventure out to find our eyes,

Why not ignore a broken promise IS STILL JUST A LIE!

So here, we, go, again. A past worth savin, At last we're pavin, The path less taken;

We breathe in TIME, we bleed through second chances,

Believe in-SIDE, that nothing matters if everything just stays the same,

STAYS THE SAME!

STAYS THE SAME!

STAYS THE SAME!

So here, we, go, again, A past worth savin, At last we're pavin, The path less taken;

* * *

"Tali, thank god!"

Shepard quickly recognized who was talking to her and was grateful to see a familiar person. She knew Tali wasn't on the Normandy but seeing her friend, someone who had become like a sister to the Commander was a relief. This is what she needed, someone she could talk to that knew her, not a doctor. As much as her muscles ached from not being used for so long she stood up and embraced the Quarian. Even though she had only been awake for a couple of days she felt as is if she was alone once again before seeing Tali.

It had been the story of her life; losing her family on Mindor at a young age and her squad on Akuze. Floating alone in space after the Normandy was destroyed; she initially felt her bond with Liara and was relieved her love was safe but that soon faded as everything went black. After two years she woke up once again alone not knowing what had happened. She continued to feel this way in her fight with the Collectors. Garrus and Tali were with her as well as Joker and Doctor Chakwas but it wasn't enough. As strong as she was, Illium nearly broke her resolve. The hurt she caused Liara was too much and even though the initial rejection by her love hurt, the pain she saw across the Asari's face was her undoing. Shepard knew the change in Liara was caused by her dying and figured the best action was to pull away from everything and focus on the mission. It helped for a while and the only thing that brought the Commander back was when she received the intel on the Shadow broker. She allowed herself to open back up again knowing this was helping Liara and when the Asari reciprocated her feelings to Shepard it felt like she was finally going to break free of her recurring loop that was her life of being by herself. It ended as quickly as it began when she went through the Omega 4 relay not knowing the promise she made to Liara could be kept. When she did come back she went directly to Liara's ship, continuing their relationship only for her to be pulled away for a mission and eventual arrest for wiping out the Batarian home world.

When the reapers finally arrived and they were reunited on Mars it was like being home once again. They were able to be there for each other during the struggle to eliminate the threat to the galaxy. They found comfort in each other's arms as much as they could. Even with separate living quarters they spent as much time together alternating which room they stayed in. They weren't able to be together every night but they were both grateful to be on the same ship knowing they had each other. It made it a little easier with all the fighting and the amount of pressure they were under knowing they could fall back on one another. The feelings they had for one another were stronger than ever and the only thing they both wanted was the nightmare that was the Reapers to be over with so they could start a family and live in peace.

Now with the war ended and her love dead she felt for the first time ever regret that she ever let Liara into her life. She felt tremendous guilt for feeling this way because they were both truly happy but if she never let her in, Liara would be alive right now. She felt if the path they all went on were different they would all be alive. But would they though, and if not her crew it would have been someone else. Shepard may have not fallen in love but she still would have had others by her side in this nightmare. Would it have mattered who was with her? They would have become close eventually and would have been hurt in the end. She was the reason everyone was gone and no one could tell her any different.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

* * *

Her thoughts went through her mind in an instant, though not able to see Talis face the concern in her voice was obvious.

"Shepard are you okay, do you need to sit?"

Snapping back to reality. "No im alright Tali, truly im fine I just haven't stood much since I've been awake. Legs are still a little shacky."

Supporting the Commander as much as she could she asks. "How long have you been here? I only found out a little while ago from Admiral Hacket and Councilor Tevos. They told me you were here, alive, I couldn't believe it. It was a miracle to hear the news. I just wish I could have left the floatilla sooner. We have been so busy repairing the relays I couldn't get away...at least you had Li…

"It's alright Tali, it really is, the galaxy needs to recover and that is the best start. To be able to go home and help recover their home worlds and be home with family; It's what this galaxy needs right now." She knew the end of the Quarian's sentence but didn't want to hear it and did not want to explain anything right now.

Concerned Tali decides to ask. "Shepard where is everyone else? I was hoping to see someone when I got here. Hackett only told me about getting in touch with Wrex and Grunt. I have tried to get in touch with Hackett to see if they could give a message to the Normandy, to you, but they will not return my messages. Do you know what is going on? I haven't been able to locate anyone and with everything going on haven't had the time.

Shepard is standing there silent refusing to look at her friend and not wanting to discuss this at all but Tali needed to know.

"Shepard? Please say something. You're scaring me. What happened?"

Closing her eyes she lets out a small sigh. "Tali, I need to sit, please." They both sit down on the bench near the entrance to the hospital. It is now completely dark and the view of the mountains Shepard was enjoying before was no longer.

"Uh…I guess from what I have heard the Normandy went missing. I don't remember much and I guess they went through a relay after the crucible went off and…they haven't been heard from since. Like I said I have only heard bits and pieces but no one knows where the ship is."

"Shepard we will find them it will be alright. I'm sure Joker kept them all safe, he is the best you know that." Tali has a feeling Shepard is leaving something out but is unsure until she sees the tears falling from the humans face. "Wh…What happened, was Liara on the Normandy, where is she?

Shepard can only shake her head no. She sits for a minute longer thinking about everything that has happened in her life, all the loss. Her shoulders begin to shake and her sobs grow louder, she finally let all her emotions out, her sadness, anger everything came out in a horrific scream while Tali held her. Even though she didn't say it the emotional outburst told Tali everything and she could only hold on to her friend as her own tears fell.

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* * *

"So what you're saying is..."

"What im saying is the procedure we performed was necessary to save Shepards life. All her vital organs were shutting down and we had to act quickly to save her life and I would not change what I did to help my friend." Miranda felt like she was explaining this for the fifth time and was getting irritated at the constant interruptions. She initially felt she needed to say something to the young alliance officer after she spoke in front of her to Dr. V'ler, not wanting the lieutenant to say anything to the Alliance or the council but after she started talking she regretted the idea. She hadn't planned on even doing the surgery for Shepard until she felt she had no choice and this was supposed to be a gift to her friend after they discussed it of course. She still was not looking forward to talking to Shepard but it needed to be done no matter how Lawson thought the Commander would react.

"So when do you plan on telling her? I know she has only been up for a little while but she may want to know that bit of info don't you think?"

"I am aware of that, now if you are done with your questions I need to get back to what I was doing. If you see Shepard contact me and keep her here." Miranda states as she walks out of the room the Asari doctor follows a few steps behind. Rebecca is left to sit and wonder what she was supposed to do with all that had been said to her. How was she supposed to even look at Shepard without blurting something out knowing what the reaction would be. She could only hope it didnt turn out to be the worse case scenario and Shepard would break.

* * *

"Miranda may I have a word with you?" Dr.V'ler asks

"Yes of course, I was going to see if I could find Shepard so we can talk on the way."

"I was wondering what could be done about the commanders lost memories and I believe I have found a way to help her. I believe I could meld with her and possibly help her piece together any moments she has been having problems recounting."

Miranda stops abruptly and initially was going to agree with the idea as it may have been the only thing to help but that feeling quickly faded as the reaction by the Commander to the notion of another Asari probing through her mind would be dismissed immediately.

"As much as that may work doctor I don't believe she will agree to that. She is a very private person and from what I do know of her, she has only ever opened herself up to one other like that and it took some time." Miranda had only heard bits and pieces from Tali and Dr. Chakwas about the budding relationship on the original Normandy. It was explained that even with the attraction between them being as strong as it was, Shepard was hesitant and the meld scared the shit out of her. Shepard already had her own opinion of herself and it scared her that someone else would see all that she had been through and done. To have another see her darkest secrets that was an unknown would never be allowed even if the Commander knew it would help. Miranda also knew that Shepard would be scared. Scared to see her nightmare again of Liara dying and even though there is a slim chance of hope that it is only a nightmare and the Asari is safe, Miranda knew the Commander did not want to confirm what she thought to be true and lose that hope. It was a double edged sword, Shepard would have an opportunity to see what really happened and possibly gain all her memories but the confirmation of losing her love was not something she would want to see.

"Perhaps I could be of some assistance?"

The two stopped and turned around to see an Asari dressed in a red form fitting leather suit with the front of her suit open from the collar down to the Asari's naval. The recognition was immediate on both woman standing there.

"Samara, I heard you were dead." Miranda was a little shocked by the Justicars appearance. In her search for former crew members Miranda had heard that all the Justicars that were in the Sol system had been killed. So she was a little relieved at the sight of familiar face and knew Shepard would be happy to see her as well. Miranda felt the doctor next to her staring wondering how the ex Cerberus operative knew the Justicar standing in front of her.

"Dr. V'ler, this is Samara she helped us fight the collectors and she became quick friends with the Commander." The Doctor bows her head in respect. She had known of justicars and what they did. Giving up all possessions to live a life of solitude and kill anyone who would go against her code. The doctor is in shock at the fact that Shepard knew the elder Asari standing in front of her and it only increased the fascination she had for the human woman. Being friends or even acquaintances with a justicar was unheard of especially for a non Asari.

In fact, after Shepard helped kill her daughter Morinth who had been an Ardaht Yakshi the Commander wanted to console the Asari, wanting her to open up but Shepard found the Justicar as closed off on the subject as she was. They did form a bond after a while and Shepard confided in the elder Asari about her relationship with Liara or lack there of, hoping to gain some insight on what the Maiden was going through. Shepard had hoped Samara could shed some light as to why Liara had closed herself off. Samara had told the commander that if the bond between the two was a strong as it was then the inexperienced Maiden was coping the only way she knew how. The Justicar seemed cold to the fact that she killed her own daughter but she was old enough to learn how to deal with the grief after losing so many close to her over her seven hundred plus years. This was what Liara had lacked, the Asari life span was a blessing and a curse; over time most Asari learned how to grieve in their own way with family initially guiding them. Liara had lost all her family and was barely a maiden. It was a time all Asari were told to go out and explore and not necessarily settle down and become bonded. They needed to learn how to deal with loss later in life but Liara had fallen for Shepard and her death was too much. Even though Samara had never met Liara until after the Shadow broker was defeated she had witnessed this before; Maidens getting close or bonded young, losing this person and falling into a deep state of depression. It helped clarify some questions Shepard had but did not help the pain. Samara had said Liara may come out of her state but she needed time. It was why she was so quick to lock her emotions away after the initial meeting on Illium. As relieved and excited Liara was to see Shepard the pain of her death and being away for two years came back in an instant. Samara was as helpful as she could be on the subject and sensed she helped the commander but could still see the hurt of being rejected in Shepard's eyes everytime she looked at her. Now she has an opportunity to help Shepard as much as she could and hoped the Commander would meld with her.

" I heard you talk of melding with Shepard and know she would be resistant to someone she does not know but I do believe I can help." Samara said. I believe I can unlock the portion of her mind that is closed off."

Miranda starts to see a brief glimmer of hope in gaining the information locked inside Shepards mind but still felt the Commander will be hesitant. " I hope you are right Samara and you can help but it still won't be easy getting her to agree. I do not believe she wants certain parts of her memories relived or her fear of the Normandy being gone looked at.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The sun was completely gone outside and the temperature had dropped even more. Shepard was just starting to calm down still embraced by Tali and soon began to realize that she was getting cold. Instead of Tali bringing her back in to go to her room she wants the privacy to ask her more about what the Commander believes to have happened. The quarian knew this was no easy task but the crew of the Normandy were family and Liara was in a way her other sister. She was the one who consoled Liara after Shepards death and made sure she was alright after Tali had to return to the Flotilla. The Quarian constantly checked on Liara and was extremely worried for her when she closed herself off to everyone. She tried to push and get the Asari to open up but soon Liara ignored all attempts at contact and then disappeared for a while. Tali was initially hurt when Shepard brought her back on board the SR-2 and berated her and Garrus for not trying to help Liara. She became immediately defensive and started to yell back but soon saw the reaction the Commander gave her and saw she didn't mean to direct all her frustrations at anyone else. Shepard needed to vent and they needed to be there for her.

"Shepard, I know this is hard but can you tell me what happened, why you think she is gone?' Tali became nervous as soon as the words left her mouth. She regretted even asking as if she didnt believe what her 'sister' was telling her. " I know it is painful to think about and I know you but maybe if you talk about it you may remember something else and you are mistaken as far as what happened." Tali knew she was grabbing at straws as Shepard would say but the Commander needed help and needed to remember for her own sake.

Shepard turns to look at Tali's masked face and wanted to scream, _why should I talk about it what good will it do. I already know what happened why is everyone doubting me, maybe I am loosing it. _Instead she took a deep breath and went through everything she could remember. How helpless she felt when she saw the Mako flip end over end towards Liara and Garrus and explode then nothing. She remembers nothing after and as she finished telling Tali what she could she realizes she as shaking again. Tali quickly stands and starts to lead Shepard back to her room so the Commander can rest and the Quarian can process all she just heard.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In the shadows outside the hospital a lone figure stands listening to the two people talk about Liara. _She _was right in front of her and as much as she wanted to end the one person she blamed for all her pain the Asari couldn't do it. Aethyta wanted to punish the commander for all the loss she felt and she blamed everything on Shepard, killing her bondmate and bringing her daughter to into this war only to have Liara die in the end. How could one person, one human bring so much death and destruction and not be kept on a leash. How could the Alliance and the Council depend on this pile of varren shit to save everyone in the galaxy when she could barely save herself. And she had been looking in her eyes and wanted to bring up her shotgun and end the Commander in one pull of the trigger but she couldn't. The look she saw in the woman sitting in front of her was of someone who was already blaming herself for everything so she initially thought to leave her die alone like the Matriarch was foced to do but now listening to the pain in Shepard's voice and the agonizing scream of sorrow she heard come from Shepard, it made her stop and rethink all that had happened. And for the first time ever in her long life she found her cheeks wet and her vision blurry desperately thanking the goddess that no one saw her cry.


	12. Karma Chapter 12

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed followed/ fav I appreciate it.

Taproot:

**Around the Bend**

Inside I'm free...no need to breathe...the knife cuts a careful arch...intent to leave it's mark

and through it, I see

And around the bend this circle remains an end

And around the bend this circle remains a friend

And around the bend this cycle remains a test,  
...

In the garden she's scene...captured imagery

buried beneath the ground...still life all around...and through it, I see

And around the bend...this circle remains an end

And around the bend...this circle remains a friend

And around the bend...this cycle remains a test

And around the bend...this circle remains an end

With a step she closes in on me...like broken glass

a drop of jewelry...with a click she takes my breath away

and holds it for another DAY!

And around the bend...this circle remains an end

And around the bend...this circle remains a friend

And around the bend...this cycle remains a test

And around the bend...this circle remains an end

Below the place I carve and rest a matchbook sparks a lone address the fire burns and walks with me down to Contemplation Street

* * *

"Bag of dicks, what the fuck am I doing." It had been the first time in the Matriarch's thousand plus years of life she allowed herself to show this much emotion. But by this point she couldn't help it. All the pain she felt over the past hundred plus years finally came to the surface after seeing the shell that was Commander Shepard. When she first met her on Illium, Shepard exuded confidence but the Asari bartender saw right through it. She saw the emotion behind the façade. It was like looking into a mirror when Aethyta lost her love, twice. After her bond dissolved from Benezia it hurt but she put up a mask. Then when her Nezzy died on Noveria she wanted to head butt something but she kept her emotions down. She had been watching her old family from the shadows before she was tasked by the Asari government to sit and watch her old bondmate when she joined Saren, it had been hard to just sit and watch. But Aethyta did her duty for the Asari people, her people and did it without question.

Watching liara dig in the dirt was the cutest thing she had ever seen, only to be enraged how Benezia reacted. Who the fuck did her mother think she was telling a kid they could not have fun or follow her dreams; neither of Liaras parents followed theirs. They both were a part of the Asari government in some fashion and both were forced into that life they led. Aethyta told Benezia to let her spread her wings, she'd be special and that she should not be held down by a pre-established life. Liara would be better than that, she was better than that and as much as Aethyta wanted to take her daughter away from everything, all the pain she saw her go through on Illium, the war; she was told to watch her, make sure she didn't become too powerful as an information broker and take action if needed. The Asari government knew she was looking for the Shadow Broker and when that finally did happen the Asari's would acquire his location and take over in order to dominate the galaxy in secret. Liara was leading her people right towards him and didn't know it or she did and chose not to care.

Either way she had been investigating the Shadow Brokers whereabouts based solely on revenge and then Shepard came back into the picture. How was that possible, she was reported dead over two years prior and even though Aethyta had heard of Liara's attempt at recovering Shepards body she couldn't find anything else out past that. She started hearing something about Shepard working with Cerberus but still couldn't fathom her returning from death but she was there, on Illium, she stood directly in front of the Matriarch and she initially froze. Aethyta didn't know what to do. She wanted to strike out and make the Spectre pay for killing her old love and blamed her for Liara falling apart. She thought about bringing her in the back of the bar for a quickie and make it look like an accident when Shepard came up dead but she had people with her. Then she found herself answering personal questions about her past. How did this human do it? She had heard of the Commanders charm and felt as if that charm manipulated her daughter into a fling and was pissed.

Then she met the woman who had Liaras heart and saw the honesty and overall genuine concern when hearing how Aethytas parents had fought each other after finding out about their pasts. She couldn't help but like the commander and that aggravated her to no end. Who was this human and why couldn't she shut up about her life when the Commander asked. Aethyta almost let out the secret of being Liaras father but was lucky enough that the Commander was getting sloshed, drinking everything that had alcohol and kept it down. _Heh, she could drink most Krogan I know under the table, maybe not me._

Shepard was drinking to forget and was doing a good job of it; the drinking part. Aethyta could see the pain on Shepards face with each drink she had and eventually was cut off. She stumbled away and didn't see each other until the citadel. Then she saw it, the true protective nature of the Commander; how aggravated she got when she thought Liara was threatened and no one was going to hurt her girl. Then she shocked the Matriarch and brought father and daughter together for the first time and she was grateful, they both were.

After she made it off the Citadel when Cerberus attacked she hid and when it was finally over she searched for the Commander knowing Liara would be by her side. But then the realization of her daughter's death hit her hard and she found herself drinking to forget and hating Shepard all over again. When she saw the commander sitting in her chair outside the hospital she looked like she was feeling sorry for herself, then she heard her scream. The pain she heard in her crys of agony were absolute. The initial rage Aethyta felt towards Shepard quickly reversed and she questioned her own life. All the hiding and manipulation she did to get in close to her family but never acting on her feelings. She realized she was a coward and now there was nothing the Matriarch could do to continue a relationship with her daughter but maybe, just maybe Shepard was worth helping. In the end Shepard loved her daughter; was a part of Liara's life and according to her daughter, Liara was Shepards only family besides her crew and now Shepard is the only 'family' the Matriarch had left as the rest of her family had been reported killed in the war.

"Goddess fuck I need to sober up, this emotional crap is as useless as tits on a Hanar."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Admiral Hackett, we finally got the network operational and should be able to broadcast to most planets within the day." A tech expert along with a squad of Quarian engineers had been tasked to work on reaching out to all planets they could with a small news feed. Even with only half of the relays working as well as the Comm buoys, contact and information could be shared to most home worlds and they set up a single broadcast station on each planet they could. Now any information needed to be sent or any updates could be broadcasted. It would not be encrypted so any and all classified material would not be sent but it was a start and a necessity. One of the main purpose was to see what worlds needed supplies in order to help in the recovery and rebuilding process.

"Good work ensign, thank you for the update. Any more updates need to be directed to Admiral Curtis, he will be overseeing everything while I am on Earth."

"Yes sir, thank you sir."

"Councilor Tevos, when you are ready we will be departing for Earth within the next few minutes. I appreciate you coming to visit the Commander, I'm sure she will appreciate it as well."

A small smile comes across the councilors face. "Admiral, it is the least I can do to show our appreciation to Shepard. I just wish we had more news on her ship but as far as the Commander wanting me there, we will see." Tevos knew the opinion the Commander had of the council but besides Anderson, Shepard only had an understanding with the Asari councilor. It may have been the understanding Tevos tried to convey when talking to the human or the lack of respect Shepard had for the other councilors or the fact that the commander was involved with an Asari but they could sit in a room together and talk without the human getting upset within the first minute. Tevos just figures she was not one of the first people Shepard wants to come see her but was genuinely honored by the invite.

"Nonsense councilor Shepard needs familiar faces right now and you being there will show the appreciation the council as a whole has for all she has done." Hackett spoke without missing a beat. He knew how Shepard felt but also knew she would eventually realize the honor and thanks everyone want to bestow upon her. Without another word Hackett motioned for the esteemed Matriarch to enter the transport ship along with as many alliance soldiers and Asari commandos the ship could fit.

* * *

"Thank you Tali for bringing me back to my room I ...I just need to go to bed. It's all I do anymore is sleep." Tali was walking back with her friend to mainly make sure she went back and got to her room without an issue. After hearing everything that had happened and seeing the once strong-willed Commander fall apart in front of her the Quarian became scared and needed to be there for Shepard as much and as long as she could. The flotilla could wait, her older sister was hurting and it didn't matter how much Shepard had done for Tali on her pilgrimage she was still family. Shepard was a person who never asked for anything from anyone when it came to her personal life. There was only one who ever had that task so Tali felt honored that Shepard would even consider opening up to the young Quarian and will do anything she can for her.

"Shepard you need your rest. You just woke up a little while ago your body is still healing."

"Thats just it Tali I feel fine physically other than being sore and from what the doctor told me I was in pretty rough shape when they brought me in. I know Miranda wants to talk to me, maybe she can explain all this."

Tali stops walking and puts a hand on Shepards shoulder. " Miranda as in Miranda Lawson that Cerberus boshtet? She is here helping you? Why didn't you say anything, you need to be as far away from her as possible, not letting her probe you again. Who knows what she has planned for you, never understood why you helped that bitch. I don't like it not one bit. I'm going to call Hackett she...

"Tali relax, really its ok. She hasn't done anything to me that I have to be concerned about so neither should you. In fact she helped with the surgery and my transfer here. She has been helping me." When Tali didn't say anything, standing there with her hand on her hip tapping her foot Shepard immediately holds up her hands. "Look I know you don't like her but she helped, truly and as far as me helping her, she needed it just like you did. And before you shoot me for comparing, you are my sister and always will be but she is my friend. She helped Liara when no one else was around when she didn't have too. She didn't know her other than when they met once or twice but Li asked her to get a message to me when I was locked up and was there for her when she didn't think I was getting out of jail. And again she kept tabs on Liara and gave her a heads up when Cerberus attacked her ship. She didn't have to do any of that but she did. You did all you could for Li and myself because your our family. Miranda was someone who saw me as a project and that turned into what we have now. As much as I have wanted to space someone in the past we are friends now so please for me, be civil."

The quarian knew she was right and it was only her overprotective nature coming out but she didn't have to like it at all. She still didn't trust Miranda but Shepard asked her to be civil so she would for a time. "Alright Shepard." She finally sighs. " I will be nice to her but if she does one thing I don't like she will get a piece of my mind among other things."

Shepard smiles for what seems like the first time in ages and it felt good. She felt as if she was finally starting to go down the road to recovery. They finally make it to Shepard's room where the young Alliance officer was sitting on her bed deep in thought.

"Hey LT...you ok, you look a little off?" Shepard asks but before she could answer Shepard continues. "This is Tali. Tali this is Lieutenant Finch. She is my cellmate while im locked in this hell whole."

The change in Shepards demeanor was a nice sight but concerned the two other woman in the room. One minute she was complaining about being exhausted and the moment they entered the room she seemed to have gotten a second wind. The young Lieutenant was confused as Shepard had looked spent when she first entered the room and now seems to have a bounce in her step so to speak. She brushed it off as the Commander being happy at finally seeing a familiar face, as much as you could see it anyway. Finch knew of the Quarian but not how close they were. She began to wonder how close the commander was to her entire crew. She knew about Liara and now the Quarian standing in front of her but could only surmise she treated everyone the same. It was a family aboard the Normandy and the young alliance officer felt a twinge of sadness that she hadn't had the same comradery onboard her own ship. Another part felt the loss of her family all over again and she was happy the commander seemed to accept her in the tight nit group that was formed around the saviour of the galaxy.

Extending her hand out to the Quarian Finch said. "Nice to meet you Tali or should I say Admiral Zorah."

Tali was impressed at the knowledge the younger woman had. "Ah... so you have heard of me then...Impressive not too many outside of my people even try to know about us let alone our military, Shepard being the exception. Still I feel as if I should be worried about you knowing even that much about me. Shepard?

"Na, shes harmless, unless you keep talking to her then your ears may blead and you'll pass out due to lack of oxygen. She rambles worse than I do just ask Miranda"

The quarian couldn't help the laugh that came out but this Finch woman did not seem to take much serious. It reminded Tali of Shepard when she first met the Commander, always playing jokes on people. It was hard for the quarian to know when Shepard was being serious or not. Only during battle did the Commander flip a switch and stopped joking around up until it was over then her playful nature came back out again. Liara got the worst of it when it came to the jokes and rumors that were spread throughout the ship by Shepard. The Commander hated scuttle butt started by others but she was fine with it when she did it. The Quarian smiled at the time when Liara frantically came down to talk to her in engineering after Shepard had started a rumor about her.

_'Goddess Tali I need your help, someone said I got the Commander pregnant after we melded when I first came on board. Now...Now chief Williams...she is upset with me. She feels I will impregnate the entire ship. Please...what do i do?' The Asari was visbly shaken and Tali was glad she had a mask in order to hide her amusement but could not let it go any further. The Quarian was surprised Shepard would say something like that as she was always nervous around the prothean expert and for her to go this far with a joke, it was just another thing to add to her list as weird things humans did. Tali told Liara about the joke and this turned into getting Dr Chakwas involved in order to give the Commander a taste of her own medicine. _

_'Liara I have an idea but first you need to ask Shepard why she did this and see what happens. If you call her out on it she will stop.' And she did, Shepard stammered so bad turning bright red, she couldn't make eye contact with Liara for a week. It back fired a little as Shepard grew more uncomfortable around Liara but at the same time helped with some of the crew due to the fact that when Ashley found out as well as most of the other crew, she in turn, came to the Asaris defence.' Skipper, what the hell is wrong with you why would you say something like that? You drag poor Liara into this, you should have seen her. She was nearly hyperventilating trying to talk to me. She thought I was going to shoot her.' Ashley was lying of course, Tali told her what happened, still the Chief was pissed at how scared Liara became around her once again. They had started to talk and were getting along up until that point but after Shepards joke the Asari became hesitant again until Ash told her she would help get back at the commander. When the ships doctor embarrassed Shepard in front of Liara while she was watching them from the shadows the entire crew laughed about it for three days much to the Commanders dismay. But Shepard continued her ways but never involved Liara again, instead she turned her sights towards garrus giving him the nickname the Bird man of Alcatraz and handing him a carton of eggs calling them his own mini turian army, needless to say he was less than amuzed._

* * *

Shepard lost that part of her on the SR-2. It wasnt the same on the new ship and neither was the Commander. Even with part of her original crew on board including Garrus who had become a brother to her, Wrex, Ash and Liara were all off doing their own things and Shepard couldn't come to grips with the change. At the time it had been two years since her death but to Shepard it felt like a long overdue rest and when she woke up everything changed. When the Reapers came and most of her old crew came back on board Shepards joking ways seem to come back from time to time. Now it looked like she came back full circle, for now.

"Commander your hilarious, really you should have quit the marines and took your routine out on the road. You would have cleaned up." Finch says dryly, turning towards the Quarian she continues. " Yes I know a little about Quarian people and as far as your rank; when I did a search for the 'comedians' crew over there your name came back with the title. And yes I guess I am stuck with the old ball and chain that would be Shepard and I do mean old."

Tali was extremly amused at the brashness of the younger human. Most people, human or other would not say such things to the Commander unless they knew her. This younger human seemed to be the reason Shepard had started to relax a little. The sadness was still there but the Quarian saw a glimmer of hope that was Lieutenant Finch. She seems to be another person that can help Shepard get through this long road of recovery.

Shepard walks out of the bathroom and starts to lay down. "Hey Ri Ri when do you have your first physical therapy? I think mine..." She drifts off as she realizes what she just said. It was a name she hadn't said in years. It was nickname she gave her younger sister Caterina, who was murdered with the rest of her family on Mindor. Tali recognized the name immediately as Liara had told her of the vision she had seen of her family dying. It troubled the Asari and she needed to turn to someone to talk about it and between the Quarian and Doctor Chakwas they were able to help Liara sort out all of the horrid visions she had seen. Liara didn't want to upset the Commander by discussing her most personal moments but when Shepard admitted that Tali had became her sister and the ships doctor became more of a mother figure, Liara felt she could trust the two with Shepard's vision.

Shepards shoulders immediately fall as her head lowers to look at the floor. Tali looks at Rebecca who has a confused look on her face and shakes her head to indicate not to ask.

Finch continues the conversation as if nothing had happened. "Actually Shep I have it tomorrow morning early, you?

Shepard lets out a sigh and turns around slowly. "Yeah... I guess we have it together then, good. Tali I need to lay down I will see you tomorrow, I hope."

"Shepard I am here as long as you want me here. The flotilla can wait, so whenever you are done tomorrow I will come by."

The commander forces a smile and nods in appreciation towards her friend then lays down facing away from the other two woman in the room. An uncomfortable silence starts to form before Tali speaks again." It was nice to meet you Lieutenant Finch I will see you tomorrow." As she goes to leave she walks towards the other human and whispers something in her ear. Finch acknowledges with a nod a sad smile comes across her face. She knew to leave it alone but all the talk about lost loved ones was starting to take its toll on the younger human. She was barely holding up and wondered how much more Shepard could take.

Tali walks out into the hallway and much to her surprise sees a familiar face in Samara."Samara its good to see you. Have you seen the Commander yet?"

Samara smiles a little at the Quarian, she liked Tali she was the first of her kind she had met but she had a good heart. "Tali I am happy so see you as well but no I have not seen Shepard yet. I was hoping to talk to her and offer her my assistance." She explained about the idea to meld with the Commander and see if some of her memories could come back.

"Do you think that would work for her?" Tali said.

"I do but it is a matter of Shepard wanting to do the meld, I believe that will be the first hurdle, then we can deal with the rest..."

"Do it." A voice came from behind them interrupting the Justicar, it was desperate almost pleading as they turn they saw a very determined commander standing in the doorway. "Do it now...please."


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Thank you all again for fav/follow reviewing and reading my story, I appreciate it all and all feedback is welcomed. This next chapter has a little fluff hopefully I did alright and yes the song attached to this chapter, I feel anyway, fits the romance scene in ME3 but maybe thats just me. Enjoy

Deftones

_**"Diamond Eyes"**_

To the edge, Til we all get off, I will take you away, with me, Once and for all

Time will see us realign, Diamonds rain across the sky, Shower me into the same realm

Calculate I'll embrace, Hold on, (come with me now). Run away outer space with me, Once and for all

Time will see us realign Diamonds rain across the sky Shower me into the same realm

Time will see us realign Diamonds rain across the sky I will lead us to the same realm

Get Set!

When the coffin shakes, And the needle breaks, Come run away with me, Come on you'll see, Once and for all

Time will see us realign, Diamonds rain across the sky, Shower me into the same realm

Time will lead us to the same realm, I will lead us to the same realm.

* * *

_It be so easy for a small ship to get lost up there. _

_You say... __How I wish we could just leave and find a small system to disappear in. Leave this war behind and not look back but we know that's not who we are. We have been thrown into this war and plan on seeing it through to the end. But the fantasy of living a life free of reapers and war is so tempting, almost too much not to pass up. We look at each other, eyes meeting for what feels like the last time, trying to study each others faces so not to forget. That will never be the case, I could never forget such a beautiful face. Your features are mesmerizing and I can't help but wonder how I got so lucky to have you as my love. I get lost in your diamond eyes every time I look at you. As if you can hear what i'm thinking you look down blushing. You always react this way when I say it and it reminds me of when we first met. How you took my breath away then and still do now. _

_Your eyes find mine once again and a smile adorns your face but the look that comes after is too much. I see what you are thinking, your comments about running away are serious as the fear of what is to come are brought to the forefront of both our minds. We both push them away not wanting to dwell on what we may lose. I made that promise to you and plan on keeping it, there is always doubt but this is our time together once again. As many times as we have been together making love to each other it never seems to be enough. Craving more but now is the time for us to express our love for each other once again. I feel the tendrils of your mind against mine and I let you engulf me with all your emotions of love and adoration. I reciprocate all the love I have for you, it's overwhelming but accepted. Our hands and lips explore each other with a passionate desire, it reminds me of when we found each other again after the shadow broker. Being able to rekindle what we had after we thought it was lost. It is a memory I will never forget though the reasoning behind it is too much to think about. Since being reunited after mars we have had our private moments but they always seemed rushed, feeling as if we need to get back to the fray in an instant but now is a time for us with no distractions only two souls minds and bodies becoming one. We make love for what seems like an eternity keeping each other on the threshold of euphoria as long as we can not wanting it to end. When we finally feel the release together it rocks our bodies to their core. The aftershocks continue well after until sleep claims us both, content with holding each other. We pray to whoever will listen that this will not be the last time and with any luck it won't be..._

_This is it, isn't it?_

_ I close my eyes at the question knowing the finality of it in more ways then one. You offer a gift and I accept wholeheartedly. As much as we have been together I have never seen such a sight and it is beautiful. I can't take my eyes off what I am witnessing until I feel you pull me into an embrace. An embrace I never want to let go of; just wanting to go back to the ship and lock you in it until its finished. You know my thoughts and in an instant kiss me...**I will never leave your side**...**we are eternally bonded and I am with you till the end**...you say in the meld. I am consumed with your love and feel the same knowing we will have a life together if we succeed but the finality of your question lingers if we fail. Faltering a little you deepen the kiss pulling me in closer grabbing at my hair you love so much, a quick memory makes us both smile a little before returning to our embrace. It's one of you washing my hair each time we shower, another when you wanted to cut it. I couldn't bring myself to say no regardless of the outcome. It just meant your touch would grace me once more. The surprise on the crews face as I walk through the ship with you in toe. The smile you had was contagious at your accomplishment, it actually didn't look that bad. The questioning look on Ashley's face shaking her head saying 'the things people do for love' earning a slap to the back of the head..._

_Your gift is one I will never forget but as I feel you tire from the meld and pull away I send and feel all the love we have for each other. The want of protecting each other is overwhelming and knowing we will be by each others sides is what pushes us to succeed. Wanting nothing more than peace, a life together, marriage, old age and a lot of little blue children. A joke at first to lighten the mood oh so long ago but the more time went on the more we both realized it was what we both longed for. It meant a future together and at this moment is when we can make that future possible. The thought of what Garrus had said moments ago echo in my mind..._

_ 'Save me a seat at the bar'... We will make it through this. You took a rocket to the face and I died and it still didn't stop us, this will not be our final moments... I pull away keeping you at arm's length so I can take you all in, the beauty that stands before me. One last un-interrupted look, saying we love each other one last time before we jump into battle. It's too brief and for a moment I want to lock you up somewhere safe but where is safe?..right next to me...I believe it with all that I am with you next to me we will make it. _

_Thoughts moving forward? Not knowing where I am feeling all my energy slowly draining me not able to move...seeing two blurred figures standing in front of me..._

_'Look at the power I hold' I hear as a shot rings out. Then nothing..._

_ Please let Liara be safe!_

* * *

Waking up..."Dammit I was just starting to remember!" Shepard rubs her face wishing she could find sleep again but the light breaking through the curtains of the hospital room meant it is time to come back to reality once more.

Hesitantly the younger alliance officer asks. "You ok shep? Hoping the reaction is different then the previous morning.

"Yeah...thanks Finch."

A smile breaks across both their faces as the realization comes through. Shepard is starting to get her memory back. There may be hope yet but the look across the commanders face after her smile went away worries Rebecca, prying a little."You want to talk about it?

A smile comes across the Commanders face as the memory replays in her mind. "No I think I'll keep this one private."

"Ahh one of those dreams...ok I won't ask anymore but will you be needing a change of clothes or bed sheets perhaps?

Shepard rolls her eyes and tosses a stern look to her roommate...laughter fills the room...shaking her head Shepard thinks..._god is that all that woman thinks about...wait what am I saying?_

"You ready for today?" Finch asks

"If I say no do I still have to go?" Is the reply.

"Oh quit your bitchin old lady,come on get up I will get your walker."

"Not much has changed." A deep voice comes from the doorway. " your still mouthing off to your superiors."

"Brock, holy shit, get over here."

Still looking at the man behind the voice Shepard notices his size. He takes up the entire entrance to the room. _Great another tatted up crew cut marine. Man he could give Vega a run for his money._

Snapped from her thoughts as the man moves over quickly and picks up Rebecca as if she were a pillow. "Careful big guy she's still not healed." another voice comes from the hall. A woman slowly walks in...blonde hair puled back in a pony tail a bright smile on her face..." You don't want to break her before she gets better." The woman looks to be about Finches age and she realizes that this must be Rebecca's friends..._finally someone comes to visit her, this will be good for her._

After a few moments of catching up Rebecca realizes she forgot about something..."Uh guys, I'd like you to meet someone." They turn and the immediate recognition crosses both their faces.

No words are spoken for a moment as they both try to figure out how they missed seeing the Commander when they first walked in. They both turn towards their friend as if asking what they are seeing is real. A nod is all they receive.

"Ma'am it's an honor, Brock is the first to speak as he snaps to attention saluting the hero of the galaxy in front of him.

"At ease soldier and please just call me Shepard."

The woman was next mimicking the other soldiers response. " ma'am ..commander...shit...sorry Shepard." She stammers. I'm lieutenant Darian Pomilio and this is lieutenant Brock Patrickson. It's an honor."

"So what are you two doing here?" Asks Finch. She is grateful but the two of them just look like they crawled through a war zone, still in armor and weapons adoring their backs. "You two look like you've been through hell."

"We'll we were just put on leave for a little while and both decided to see how everything was with you...especially after we heard...

Finch cuts Darian off."So you decided to come see little Ole me? I'm touched. You could have at least gotten cleaned up. "

"God you are such a smart ass. You know we didn't have to come. There was a shuttle on its way up here with some supplies and we figured we would come visit...boy what were we thinking?" Brock says. He turns his attention to Shepard once more, still not believing his eyes.

"Before you ask Commander yes she has always been like this." He says as a smirk comes across his face.

"Yeah I figured that...been a pain in my ass ever since I woke up but she does make me laugh which is the only reason I haven't strung her up on the rafters by her feet."

Laughter fills the room again, three of the four amused.

"Yeah Shepards been a bowl of fucking cherries." Finch starts but is quickly interrupted by her female friend

"Rebecca, shut it! You would think after the last time you would learn to shut up. Especially since your talking to the hero of..."

"It's ok really, I'm used to it." Shepard interrupts. "My pilot was the same way. Great at what he did but dammit he was a smart ass."

"Is."Rebecca corrects her. "He is a smart ass and we will find him." She is trying to help the commander cope as best she can but at the same time not let her thoughts turn to the negative. Directing her attention to her friends once again continues. "Why don't you both go get cleaned up while me and the old bag o bones head to therapy. You know the older they get the more frail they become. Besides I need to make sure she doesn't break a hip. It's all down hill from there."

"Your unbelievable becca you know that? Shepard I apologize for our friends mouth. She tends to speak before she thinks."

"It's ok really" a coy smile comes across the commanders face; surprising everyone with her next statement. "She'll get hers, she has no idea who she is fucking with. Be careful Finch I've been known to do some shady shit. So if you end up missing your prosthetic or having it replaced with an arm or another right leg...just warming you ahead of time."

Both of her friends turn around with smiles on their faces. "Well we would hate to miss that but we will come back when we can." Brock says

* * *

Physical therapy was uneventful for Shepard. They were both tired after but Shepard seemed to have no issues with anything the therapist threw at her. She had always been a quick healer but this was quite remarkable as both therapists and lieutenant Finch marveled at how well the commander had done. She had only complained about being sore while Rebecca had almost given up entirely. It wasn't until Shepard started to push her more than the therapists. They were a little hesitant being it was her first day and didn't want either of them to over do it but Shepard had a way to push people who looked as if they were gong to give up. She almost forced them on sheer will alone to get up off their asses and move. Whether it was the battle field, life in general or picking up a fellow soldier when they were down she was always able to motivate people past their own expectations.

"Dammit Shepard I am so freaking soar. I hurt in places I didn't know existed. I'd ask if it was good for too but you barely broke a sweat...next time your on top." Finch said, once again turning the conversation into a joke or sex.

"Is that all you think about? Besides I thought you said I was the old bag o bones so quite _your_ bitchin."

Finch changed the subject as she realized Shepard had not talked about the night before."Do you remember last night at all I mean with the meld?"

Shepard just looks at the younger woman with an emotionless expression. It's one she always has when she processes information or a question. She has always been quick to react on the battle field but when there is no imminent threat she takes her time especially when she is caught off guard.

"No I don't . The last thing I remember is Tali walking me back to the room then Samara offering to meld with me the rest is a blank. Did she say anything?"

"Only that you were both tired and you had passed out after it was done." She didn't have the heart to tell her the Asari looked as if she saw a ghost. That the look that Samara had scared her and as much as Finch wanted to ask the Asari she knew enough to leave it alone. But to have Shepard not know what happened was disheartening.

"I guess I will have to ask her next time she comes by." The commander became quiet for a few moments then added." I will be back in an hour. Have to go see Dr. Gallagher."

"Oh what fun." Finch says, her voice oozing with sarcasm. "I do have a question for that Asari, Samara?"

Not really liking where this conversation is going Shepard reluctantly answers. "Yes her name is Samara and she will kill you where you stand if you blink the wrong way, sooo, what would you like to ask her."

Now a little nervous Rebecca continues. "Uh...well I saw what she was...was wearing and I was wondering if she had..."

"I don't want to know!" Shepard says quickly and enters the shower room shaking her head, mumbling something about having a death wish just to act out some porn fetish with a Justicars body suit.

* * *

"I'm Aiden Pierce galactic news.

"As this is our first ever broadcast I have to apologize in advance if there is any interference during this transmission. I first have to thank all those involved in making this broadcast possible. With the a majority of communications down throughout the galaxy still the galactic forces felt it is imperative to have some sort of access to what is happening around the galaxy. As this broadcast is from Earth we will be reporting what is happening here first...the remaining broadcasts from other planets will follow. All broadcasts will be repeated until our next transmission.

"The recovery efforts across the planet are still a slow process according to an alliance representative. With that said all major areas hit by the reapers are expected to recover as much as expected given the devastation that occurred. The remaining alliance ground forces as well as remaining alien forces still here on earth have all continued to help in the cleanup efforts. The death toll continues to rise as more remains have been uncovered over the last couple of months since the reaper forces were destroyed. The actual number may never be known but the survivors of this war still seem to have hope that we will all recover one day from this travesty.

The majority of that hope comes in the form of one woman Commander Kerry Shepard. Her ability to gather the forces she did in order to defeat the reaper threat is something that can never be repaid... We are all in her debt. The fact that she survived after leading the charge and fired the crucible weapon is a testament to her leadership and courage and overall will to succeed. Unfortunalty we do not have access to the her location as of now with the alliance brass namely Admiral Hackett saying 'she did her job now let her recover in peace'. With that being said we all hope it is a full recovery and she can enjoy the peace she helped create with her loved ones as a true hero to us all.

"The alliance navy has also reported that all ships have been accounted for with the exception of one, the Normandy. Apparently it has not been heard from since it went through the sol relay and recovery efforts to find Commander Shepards' ship is a top priority. Diana Allers was aboard the Normandy reporting everything the Commander and her crew had accomplished during the war in an attempt to keep hope alive during our darkest hours. Initially her feeds were on a continuous loop after contact was lost but have recently stopped.

'We can only hope now after the remaining relays are fixed the Normandy and the remaining crew aboard can be found. And if they are able to hear this broadcast they all need to know their efforts and sacrifices during the war will never be forgotten and you all will be rescued and given a heroes welcome home.

"This is Aiden Pierce"

* * *

Admiral Hackett walked the halls of the old Army hospital with councilor Tevos by his side he had hoped their presence was not going to be a distraction but in reality everyone they walked past stood at attention a little taller and with a little more pride. Seeing the two distinguished visitors and knowing the reason for the visit seemed to awaken everyone to what had happened a few months prior. Not that anyone would forget but the reality of the people who were at the forefront of the war and seeing it to its successful end survive the war and be in the same building helped give a sense of pride. Knowing that they all played a part no matter the size gave each person a great sense of accomplishment.

Arriving at the Commanders room, Hackett enters hoping to find Shepard in good spirits. In reality he was scared, scared of the questions he had to ask and the answers she would give. He didn't want his first encounter with her to be one that would open up fresh wounds. They enter her room and immediately notice a young woman stand up at attention with a nervous look on her face. To see two of the most powerful and well known people in your room tends to do that even if they aren't there to see you. Lieutenant Finch immediately starts to report to the Admiral but is stopped just as sudden.

"At ease soldier, we are looking for Commander Shepard and was told she was in this room." He stopped to look over the woman who had started to relax a bit and wondered if the receptionist had made a mistake. He swore he was looking at a carbon copy of the Commander just a little younger.

"Sir she is here but getting cleaned up shall I get her for you." Anyone who knew Finch would have been puzzled at her response. She was never one for formalities but in this instance all her old habits left and she became the model officer.

"Thank you, but that won't be necessary." Hackett replied. The room fell into a silence as Hackett continues to study the young woman in front of him. As the Admiral was making Rebecca feel a little uncomfortable she couldn't help but stare at the Asari Councilor for a moment. It still baffled her that the woman she was sharing her hospital room with was who she was . She had become a friend to the commander, helped her and here she was being scrutinized by the top Admiral in the fleet and a counselor. She was reminded of what her father had once told her that if you keep your integrity, go above and beyond in your career you will be rewarded. She had never been one to follow his words until she met Shepard. Sure she loved and respected her father but the Commander brought out a side in her she never expected. She always kept her head down and did the minimal amount to get by and even though her integrity was never questioned she did not always live up to the expectations of what an Alliance officer should. After she talked to the Commander and she saw the woman her father wanted her to be; something instantly clicked in her mind and she felt she needed to heed her father words. That's when she decided to help Shepard try to find her crew. She had been unsuccessful so far but she knew the commander was greatful. Just as she was about to blurt out something she would regret Shepard came out of the shower room dressed only in a towel.

"Finch you could have at least cleaned up in there I damn near killed myself.." Shepard sees the look Rebecca was giving her and her gaze went to the door of their room. A look of disbelief came across her face and she has to instantly keep her emotions in check. Part of her wanted to hug the man in the room who had become a father figure to her just like Captain Anderson had. They were both on her home planet of Mindor after it was attacked and both of them helped her get through the constant torment of her families massacre. Another part of her wanted to scream and tell them to get the hell out; telling them both she was done, she did her time and she wants out. Not to bother her with praise, medals or the distinguished honor of being the galaxies hero. She didn't have anyone left to revel in the victory; she had lost the majority of her crew. At least the ones who weren't with her were smart enough to stay as far away from her as possible. She was grateful that Tali had left the Normandy to go back to the flotilla and lead. After Admiral Han' Gerrel vas Neema was removed from his position after firing on the geth dreadnought while Shepard and her crew were still on it as well as restarting the conflict between the Quarians and the Geth. They needed someone to replace him and Tali was the unanimous choice. She was reluctant to leave Shepard's side but did so after some encouragement from the crew. No one wanted to see her go especially Garrus as they had started a relationship of sorts but they all felt it was the best option. After Shepard told her about Liara and Garrus dying, tali had mentioned she one day wanted to settle down on the piece of land they all stood on and live out her life with Garrus. Now all she wanted to do was go to Rannoch and jump off a cliff but they both needed each other.

Then there was Tevos, as much as she respected the Asari all the anger and frustration she had towards the council for not listeneing to her warnings start to return. She instantly became furious at the fact that she would even show her face here, now of all places, to do what exactly, apologize? _A little fucking late for that!_

She slowly lets out a sigh and smiles almost forcefully at the two in front of her. She starts to walk forward to great them but quickly is reminded of the lack of clothing she has on. "Uh sir let me change into something and I will be right out."

With a smile and chuckle Tevos answers. " Of course Shepard we would not want you saluting us only to have you reveal yourself at the sametime."

Shepard returns the smile and turns to enter the shower room once again. As soon as the door closes her anger immediately comes back to the surface. Who did that bitch think she was acting like nothing had happened over the last few years between them and why was she even here? Now she was mad at Hackett for bringing her here and all she wants is for them to say their pleasantries and leave. Shepard had been mulling it over for the past few days about wanting to continue her career mainly to keep her mind off of everything that had happened but as soon as she saw them her mind instantly was made up. She no longer wanted to be a Spectre or an officer in the Alliance. She never thought she'd make that decision especially without discussing it first but the only person that mattered to her to even have the discussion with was gone. So why should she care anymore? Sure she could use their resources and try and start a rescue attempt and find the Normandy but they had people doing that already and knowing her luck they wer gone anyway so what was the point. Chastising herself for having those thoughts she quickly gets dressed and heads back out into the room. She could not have prepared herself for the upcoming conversation.

"Shepard its great to see you moving around. When Miranda Lawson told me the extent of your injuries I was fearful you would not recover so quickly." Hackett says with a nervous twinge in his voice.

Sheapard notices immediately and wonders why but asks the one and only thing she wants to hear. "Sir, where is Captain Anderson?"

With a heavy sigh Hackett tries to find the correct words to tell Shepard but can only think to take the direct approach. "Shepard...Kerry, Anderson is dead."

The look on the Commanders face is of complete anguish but she holds back the tears that are threatening to fall and the pain she feels to her core. Taking a deep breath she says. "Excuse me Admiral, Councilor but I have an appointment to go to." and walks out of the room.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: thanks once again to everyone who has read over this followed/ faved it is much appreciated. And now i must give Kudos, props, thanks, to spectre117 for help with this chapter...take a bow my man... Nice melodic song with this chapter enjoy

**Taproot**

**"The Everlasting"**

It's 8am and her blood's still warm, the radio choke's out my favorite song, i hear sirens they sing along...

(Through the walls) my pulse is pumping to the beat outside, a violent screaming rise and shine waves of helplessness reach to the sky...(with heartbreak eyes)

And as the walls around come crashing down i ask myself how am i still around

It's easy it's beautiful it's simple the everlasting Sunday glow~

I won't let you in... don't push me away

I turn the music up a little more trying to drown out what's in store there's a battle raging right outside my door...

(it's all over) head downstairs empty table the tv glares a criminal has been declared..beware

And as the walls around come crashing down i ask myself how am i still around

It's easy it's beautiful, it's simple, the everlasting Sunday glow~

I won't let you in time and time and time again we seem to break before we bend

It's easy, it's beautiful, it's simple, the everlasting Sunday glow~

I won't let you in... So don't push me away

* * *

Shepard stands in the psychiatrists room gazing outside, looking through the window at the view, her physical wounds mostly healed only some scars remain. Her tired green eyes filled with guilt and grief, red from crying for the last hour or so, again, trying to concentrate on anything other than the images that her mind continues to push at her, all the while knowing she needs to remember. At least that is what her therapist told her. "Remember the small things and start from the beginning then slowly everything will fall into place". Words of wisdom from Dr. Gallagher the resident "head shrink" at the hospital she was currently 'stuck in'. Shepard is trying to recover physically, mentally and emotionally. The latter being the hardest to overcome.

She continues to have to remind herself that the war is over the reapers are gone, destroyed by what she did on the Crucible. That's what she had been told anyway and it was done with the help of a galaxy wide army and her crew of the Normandy. She remembers some parts of what happened at the end but there are too many blanks in her recount of the last push to the beam for her liking and she can't figure out what thoughts that are real and what her mind is making up. The last nightmare she had, were the hardest as she had visions of Captain Anderson walking into her room of the hospital she was recovering in saying "you did good child" just to have Admiral Hacket tell her a few moments ago that he had been killed.

The illusive man also haunted this last nightmare, he was standing at the end of her bed, saying he could control the reapers as the indoctrination continues to take over his mind and he won't let her destroy them. Only for him to disappear, closing her eyes tight screaming out loud that he isn't real, feeling arms snake around her to comfort her only for everything to disappear and once again she is alone. Alone, with her thoughts and it's all she has left, nothing but her mind and memories she doesn't want. This was how her last nightmare started only to be replaced by her and Liaras last night together.

That is the worst part, feeling the comfort of another, the light touches, kisses the faint voices telling her she is safe, then nothing. Her love was dead or so she thought and these feelings of her blue angel embracing her made everything worse. Confusion and heartache set in, the depression is getting worse, she feels like she is falling apart and has nothing left to live for but why is she having these sensations. There has to be some reason she is having these memories of Liara being with her now or is it just her mind not letting go?

Her memories turn once again to the last thing she remembers before initially waking up in the hospital _._ Running to the beam with her crew behind her, just having destroyed the reaper guarding their destination with the Thannix missiles after battling what seemed to be every abomination that the Reapers could throw at them that was on Earth. It was endless but her crew stood by her side the entire way, absolutely exhausted from the fighting both physically and mentally but they kept going, they had to.

Her thoughts continued after the memory subsides, shaking uncontrollably from the loss she felt.

"So how do you feel? The doctor asks and only one word comes to Shepards mind.

"Failure";

That's all she was, she failed to protect her parents on Mindoir as they were slaughtered by the Batarian slavers that attacked. She failed her fellow marines on Akuze when they were attacked by a swarm of Thresher maws, she failed to convince the council to believe her until it was too late about the Reapers. She failed everyone she ever became close with, one way or the other.

"Fuck…I failed all my friends and family but protecting, helping strangers… that is what I was good at, helping people who I just met." The last words spoken through gritted teeth as she berated herself over and over as she spoke to the human doctor.

"The consort, those Salarians in the tower while trying to recruit Thane, Thane himself, Jack, Jacob, Miranda all people I just met and for what! To gain their trust so I can go on a suicide mission for Cerberus. I sacrificed everything in my life… gave my life for the council and the Alliance just to have them turn away from me. This kid on Omega who wanted to become a merc. I saved the Rachni queen, twice, just so we had more allies in the war." She says looking at a spot in the corner of the room.

When it came down to it though, regarding the people she truly cared about she felt she brought them into this hell and destroyed their lives in some way. Curing the genophage, helping Wrex and Grunt but losing Mordin. Feeling that history would show her as the cause of another krogan rebellion.

Uniting the quarians and the geth but loosing Legion, possibly causing another war. After all she had been fighting against them for five years was a "reboot" really going to stop them? Tali had told her that the Quarians were succesful in bringing some of the Geth back online as their network made it a bit easier espcially since the Quarians created them in the first place. Shepard all but screamed at her Quarian sister when she told her this. Why would they think bringing them back online would be the best course of action?

Not able to help Garrus with his home planet and being numb when she watched Thessia burn. The latter almost destroyed her resolve as she watched Liara crumble.

Once again feeling the tremendous guilt of failing in her mission to gain the information that was hidden there eventually leading Cerberus right to it.

Remembering the comforting words from Liara, hollow words from her love that it wasn't her fault as she tried to hold herself together in front of the crew and tearing into joker as he made his comments how the Asari should have trained more Commandos than strippers, only to feel like she _was_ losing control.

Knowing how her love felt as she knew Earth was suffering the same fate, still feeling horrible about leaving and even worse as she saw each world she went to fall to the reapers only to ask for help for Earths defenses.

Eventually ending the reaper threat only to have all synthetics go offline in the process, the geth as well as EDI; her friend who she had come to admire, an AI learning to have feelings, good and bad. EDI learned to care for someone, everyone on board the ship only to have her "life" snuffed out at Shepard's hands. "I have failed, everyone." she whispered to herself, tears flowing again her body shaking uncontrollably through her sobs as her knees weaken slowly stumbling to the couch. _Why did I survive?_

* * *

Her thoughts turned to her love, to Therum and the rescue mission she headed, to bring the Prothean expert in for questioning, not knowing if she was standing with her mother Benezia and Saren or could she be trusted.

Finally getting to where the prothean expert was, having encased herself in a stasis bubble. A small smile on her face as the memory continued, the instant attraction she had for the Asari hovering in the air. Her voice, which almost made the commander melt when she spoke and pleaded for Shepard's help to get her out of the blue prison she trapped herself in.

Her voice continued to make her come back to visit more and more especially after the doctor told the commander how fascinating she was.

The teasing, about the doctor wanting to dissect Shepard in a lab and the look of utter horror, shock and embarrassment on Liara's face as she realized what she said, then the dark blue blush that came across when Shepard told her she was joking. The constant looks each would give one another from across the room only for one or both of them to look away, realizing they had stared a bit too long.

The realization of her crew about the attraction they had for each other especially Dr. Chakwas. Of course she knew, with as many times that Shepard would visit the Asari in her room in the back of the med bay. How could Chakwas not know?

The medical doctor would just look up from her desk and smile a warm smile as the commander would walk by barely acknowledging the doctor, not wanting to hear any teasing or comments that may have been said, trying not to be embarrassed.

Then the guilt came back for a moment as the thought of ending Benezia's life surfaced. The look on Liara's face as her mother's life slowly escaped, it is a look that will never leave Shepard's mind. The words "Little wing," the last thing said to her daughter only made it worse for Shepard to look in Liara's beutiful eyes. Trying to comfort her after but desperately wanting to distance herself, due to the guilt, to no avail.

Liara forgave her yet never really blamed Shepard, not directly; she blamed Saren for her mother's fall and all but pleaded with the commander not to leave her room that she needed someone to talk to. In secret Liara wanted to spend the rest of the day with the commander and no one else.

Shepard remembers the smile that slowly came back to Liara's face as the commander held her eventually falling asleep in each other's arms.

Shepards thoughts continued on about her beloved Asari;

How her breathing would hitch a little when the prothean expert would look at her and smile.

How the scent of Liara's room would take over the commander's senses, smelling of flowers and a hint of what she could only describe as cinnamon, that Shepard figured out later was Liara's natural scent.

This is what Shepard needed, these memories that made her feel good again, that she was cared for, eventually loved. Her feelings of sadness leaving her replaced with warmth that she craved.

The feelings they had for each other that they eventually admitted, the comfort Liara gave to her when Kaiden died on Virmire. The blame Shepard placed upon her own shoulders that were relieved by Liaras touch and soothing voice, telling her it was not her fault as they sat on the bed in the commanders room;

_"Kerry please look at me." Liara gently using her one hand to brush a stray hair behind her ear, loving the feel of the humans shoulder length blonde hair in between her fingers, her other holding onto Shepards shaking hands. The sound of her first name from the beautiful Asari made her forget everything for a moment. Shepard brought her attention to Liaras. Green eyes meeting blue with nothing but affection, understanding, along with a small amount of desire mixed in. "Saren is the cause of all of the tragedy that is happening now, not you. We will get past this tragedy together and continue our hunt for him, stopping him and we will succeed."_

_The look of defeat started to come back to the commanders face as her decision to save one crew over the other began to chip away at her resolve. "How can you be so sure that we will? What if I have to make another decision like this later on and I can't? What if the decision Im forced to make includes yo…" her voice trailing off, her head turning away looking at a spot on the floor. "I don't think I will be able to… not if it comes to someone I have grown to care about." Her voice barely above a whisper. "Liara, how can I, can we finish this if I know I won't be able to make difficult decisions if and when they come up? What does that say about me as a leader of everyone on this ship, as a spectre? How will they be able to trust me if I can't trust myself to do what is needed?"_

_Liara slowly knelt in front of Shepard, thier eyes meeting once again._

_"Commander, you were chosen for the great honor of becoming a spectre, commanding your own ship and crew, me included, they all see what I see. A woman who is strong willed and gains the attention of everyone around when she walks into a room. You make your presence known and garner respect whether you mean to or not, just by your reputation alone. You have accomplished so much in a short period of time and not just for a human. You have accomplished more than the entire Asari commando force on Thessia and beyond._

_Feared by all your enemies as if you had the entire Krogan civilization behind you but it is more than just your military achievements, it is the woman you are. Caring, compassionate yet stern when the time calls for it, everyone will follow you. In a word commander, you are fascinating."_

* * *

Shepard's mind came back to the present the last few words still brought an immediate red hue to Shepards smiling face. She loved that night, it was then she knew that as much as it scared her they were destined to be together and she was not alone anymore. She had always been distant to everyone around her not wanting to get close for fear of hurting them or her being rejected due to her scarred body and past but at that time she felt home with Liara.

Her thoughts continued remembering the almost kiss that Joker interrupted. Once again Liara was reassuring her and making her realize that she wasn't defeated even if the council had grounded the Normandy.

The time they spent together right before Illos not knowing if they would make it out of the fight with Saren alive yet not caring, just wanting to be with each other as long as they could. How nervous they were, each of them wanting to make the other feel wanted and comfortable. Especially Shepard knowing this was Liara's first time with any kind of intimate contact or meld outside of the ones she had with her mother. Not that Shepard was that experienced, hell she only had a fling with her N7 roommate and that didn't last more than a few weeks.

The feeling of euphoria during their time together as it continued when they woke up in each other's arms not wanting to move.

Shepard's thoughts continue to how Liara's face lit up with excitement while on Illos with all the information on the protheans surrounding them. Even with the Geth trying to stop them, Liara had a look about her that she was in sensory overload with everything 'prothean' that surrounded them. The small feeling of guilt for the Liara when they were forced to leave knowing the doctor wanted to stay and explore.

The final battle with Saren and the decisions she had to make, either save the Destiny Assention and risk losing alliance ships or loose the council and direct all the fire power towards Soverign.

Liara had been right; she would continue to make the tough decisions even if she knew people would die yet her orders would be followed.

Her thoughts moved forward to after the battle as they tended to each other's wounds as they healed. Spending all their shore leave together and loving every moment that they had together, holding each other making love to each other every day until they could barely move.

The annoyance Shepard felt when the council sent her back out after the geth but knowing her crew would still all be with her made her current mission bearable.

Her last thought of confusion when the Normandy was attacked;_ how could this happen how could I be floating here loosing oxygen? I was lying in bed not ten minutes ago the color blue embracing me. The glorious feeling of liaras breath on my shoulder, moving closer as she wakes me up with a kiss, grabbing a hand full of hair letting it fall from her fingers then grabbing it again tighter as she pulls me in for another kiss…Boom… dressing in an instant running trying to save ship and crew. Pleading with liara to get everyone off the ship letting her know I will be in the next pod after I get Joker. Now I see my crumbling ship in the distance praying that everyone made it off wishing I could see my love again before the inevitable... Nothing._

Waking up to Miranda's voice telling her to move. Wondering if she was still on her ship and where her crew was.

The pain was everywhere and she was barely able to move. Her only thought was whether Liara and the rest of her crew were safe.

Shepard did not want to be here talking but she knew she had to go to Dr. Gallagher's office to speak to her. As much as she hated recounting what she could remember she knew she had to talk to someone to get the images real or not to stop haunting her to try to make some sense of it all.

Shepard had united the galaxy to help her defeat the Reapers so she knew she was needed to come through in the end. There were millions of people of different species counting on her to finish what her and her crew had started a few years ago and knew they all counted on her to get the job done. Just like she did on the citadel with the battle with Saren, the Geth and Soverign, the Collectors, Cerberus, and the final battle with the reapers. Shepard saw it through to the end, finish what she had started or die trying but she made a promise one that she was going to keep. Her love was the only thing keeping her going the only thing keeping her from sacrificing herself to end the war and she had to come back. And she did so now it was the galaxies turn to help Shepard and get her back on her feet one step at a time.

Dr, Gallagher continues to tell her she should eventually get her memory back piece by piece. She tells her she may not remember everything that happened but she should be able to get an outline and that Shepard should seek the help of the people who were there or what is left of her crew, to fill in what her mind blots out. That is the problem there is no one left from her crew they are all gone, killed in the final battle either on earth or crashing while on the Normandy.

Trauma, PTSD, is what the docotor says she is suffering from, she is trying to focus on the events of that time but her mind is fighting her trying to keep what she witnessed at bay. As much as she wants to remember the blanks it's almost as if her mind does not want her too.

"Why do you feel this way when you have helped so many? Who do you see in the mirror each morning?" The doctor asks. Shepard was never an eloquent speaker but when the time called for it she was able to draw everyone's attention with how her words flowed and she shocked the doctor when she spoke next.

"Mirrors reflect the image they see... mine is a broken reflection of loss and regret. I sit alone in a dark room save a flickering candle to keep me company, I watch as it dances across the wick and my mind begins to wander. I don't possess the strength to keep going, I say in my mind I can't do it anymore but something tugs at me to keep going and its a warm feeling compared to the cold im exposed to, I see my friends and family my childhood before my eyes in what have to be my memories but they are violently yanked away by a force unseen. I scream to let them go give me back my happiness give me back my long sought after life... I've longed to live but it still takes from me and in a flash I realize its my regret anchoring me to the cold darkness of my mind, each in turn is before me and each asks why I've held them here and my only answer is that I never wanted to let you go. They all appear to me in a crowd telling me its ok just let go and it'll all be okay but im hesitant at first but as each is forgiven I come back to myself in the real world and when its my families turn they hug me and say they're proud of me, my eyes are glistening but I let them go as well and I come back to looking in the mirror and for the first time I see a smile in the reflection."

"Commander that was..." The doctor was at a loss for words.

"It was nothing but a thought...you asked me what I see and feel... that's it."

"I want you to know that no matter what you feel right now and how helpess or depressed you may be...there are people that are here to help you. Please don't turn away the help. It will get you throught this." The doctor says.

Shepard can only nod as she stands to leave the room. She had been tired of being in the hover chair so she chose to walk. She felt the more she could show her doctors she was okay physically she be discharged. _Then where do I go?_

As Shepard walks back to her room she remembers what Ash had said to her when talking about losing her father and how much her grandfathers legacy had affected her and her family. Ash had always been great with words and her poetry and these words were no different:

_Often times your mind lets you dream only to have it become a nightmare and sometimes its one you can't wake from, to be left a void to your own consciousness feels like a heavy weight on your chest. Do I dare dream or do I dare act? I dont know the effort it takes to tell the difference anymore but as I lay shivering and sweaty I can only see one goal in the distance and its that one singular ray of light that one soothing voice that one body who's eye's lift me to them each and every time I stare at them, I have to get up I have to move I have to see those eyes that smile those reflections of me you cast as I look upon you, I find the courage I find my strength I find my power and I lift that weight and I sprint to the light not which takes me away but which brings me home._

Shepard used these her words to live by when she was searching for Liara after waking from her two year 'coma'. She used these words to push herself to get her love back in her life and it worked now Shepard only wishes her freind was here.

* * *

X

X

X

X

"Specialist you wanted to see me?"

"Yes maam I have been scaning all frequencies and found a continual loop from some kind of galactic network. Its hard to hear everything as there is a lot of interference but I think I cleared it up as much as I can and I figured you would want to hear what I have so far."

"Have you listened to it yet. What does it say?"

"Uh...I have but I was more focussed on trying to clean it up but I figured you would want to hear this first."

* * *

**"I'm Aiden Pierce galac ...**

**"As this is our first ever _..._ I have to apologize in advance if there is any interference ... thi... transmission. I first have to thank all those involved in making this broadcast possible. With the a majority of communications d... throughout the galaxy still the ...orces felt it is imperative to have some sort of access to what is happening around the galaxy. As this broadcast is from Earth we will be reporting what is happening here first...the remaining broadcasts from other planets will follow. All broadc... will be repeated until our next transmi_..._**

**"The recovery efforts across the planet are still a slow process _..._ to an alliance repres_..._. With that said all major areas hit by the reapers are expected to recover as much as expected given the devas... that occurred. The remaining alliance ground forces as well as remaining ...still here on earth have all continued to help in the cleanup efforts. The death toll contin...se as more remains have been uncovered over the last couple of months since the reaper forces were destroyed. The actual number may never be known but the survivors of this war still seem to ..._._**

**The majority of that hope comes in the form of one woman Commander _...ry_ Shep...d. Her ability to gather the forces she did in order to defeat the reaper threat is something that can never be repaid... We are all in her debt. The fact that she survi... after leading the charge and fired the crucible weapon is a testament to her leadership and courage and overall will to succeed. Unfortunalty we do not have access to the her ...tion as of now with the alliance brass namely Admiral Hackett saying 'she did her..._..._cover in...ce. With that being said we all hope it is a...'**

* * *

"Get this cleaned up now and tell no one what you heard!"

"Maam?"

"Trust me Traynor if word of this gets out to the rest of the crew and we heard it wrong...well I'm sure you can figure out how bad that can be."

"Yes maam, once we get closer to a comm bouy and our outgoing communications are up we should be able to confirm this report. How long until we reach Earth."

"Joker said we should be there within a day or two. We are not close enough to anyBouys or relays to hear this any better?"

" No maam, but I am trying." Relief floods the specialists face at the realization of actually getting off the ship she's been floating on painfully slowly. They were still unsure of where they crashed but were relieved to have the ship fixed within a couple of months and able to get back to Earth."It's been a long couple of months. It will good to be able to take a nice shower."

Before Traynor can say anything else Willams turns around and heads towards the elevator to go to the Commanders quarters as the door closes behind her tears of relief fall and as she sinks to the foor she can only look up to the ceiling in the room and mutter. "Thank God."


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: I want to thank everyone again for fav following or reviewing... I was told I was being evil... which was my intent... ha ha ha...But before everyone gets fed up and stops reading this I will say this...Your questions will be answered... maybe...HA! Enjoy...

Also very hard M rating in this chapter wasn't going to include a certain part but having dealt with it and it fitting the story I left it in...hope I don't offend anyone was not my intent.

Taproot

**"Facepeeler"**

I've been waiting, for you

To show your face as a clue

Living disgrace

My eyes are burnt

And my ears are tired of all these SCREAMS...SCREAMS~!

So I run

The truth is falling

You're the one sent to kill me...

Several days in a mood

Since there's no way to elude

What can I say my skin's a alive

And my heart is broke from all these LIES WHY~!

So I run

The truth is falling

You're the one sent to kill me

It's so wrong

that death is haunting

now I'm gone to self inflicting...

SO I!

run, the truth is falling

It's so wrong

That death is haunting

Now I'm gone to self inflicting

* * *

Shepard needs to speak with Samara again about what happened in the meld. She can only hope her answers will clarify what happened. She heads back to her room relieved that it is empty other than some armor and a weapons pack. _Hmm one of Finches friends must have left it...have to talk to them about that._

She didn't want to face Hackett again, not before she could figure things out. She was told that the Justicar was still in the hospital and had her paged. As she sat quietly in her room with her eyes closed she hears a familiar voice in the distance.

"Athames ass I want to see Shepard now!"

"I am sorry but she needs her rest and you are not permitted to see her right now."

Shepard realizes who this person is and how similar the voice is to who confronted her when she first went outside. Agrivation sets in as the threatening words she said to her come back. Shepard figures Aethyta blames her for Liaras death and it seems now she has come to collect on the threat she made the other night. She stands up from her bed awaiting the confrontation she knew was coming until she heard the Matriarchs next words.

"Listen fuck stick, she is my daughters bondmate and I need to see her, I'm here to help her!"

Shepard was surprised to say the least. She never expected to hear those words from anyone other than Liara and her frineds. _Maybe not those exact words_.

She shakes her head and smiles a little as the Asari enters the room followed by a couple of nurses.

"It's okay, she can stay." Shepard says to the visibly annoyed nurse. The nurse nods and slowly heads out of the room. Everything is silent for a moment each not knowing what to say. Aethyta is the first to break the silence.

"Hey kid, thanks... for letting me stay. I know we haven't seen eye to eye in the past but I think I needed to finally come up here and tell you something." She takes a deep breath and continues. "I'm glad Liara chose you...I didn't... approve of you at first but who am I to judge. And when we talked on the Citadel and she told me about you and basically how she felt...you were good for her."

Shepard smiles at the heart-felt words from the matriarch. She knew it was hard for her to say no matter the circumstances. Her smile continues at the memory when she brought the two of them together and how hesitant they both were. Liara had told Shepard all about the conversations they had and how much Liara had blushed at what her father had said. Shepard had made a mental note to thank Aethyta for telling Liara how uncivilized they needed to be in the bedroom but decided it could wait for the time being.

"I'm surprised to actually see you here Aethyta especially how our last conversation went."

"Heh...didn't realize how I felt until I saw you...still not sure but I figured you were good enough for my kid then... you at least needed a chance."

They both sat in silence for another moment before Shepard spoke up again. "Thanks...for what you said before...uh...I guess one of my old crew members is coming up soon and...she is an Asari justicar...she helped me before with a meld but I don't remember what happened...not sure why."

When she saw the slightly confused look on the Matriarchs face she continues.

"I guess what I'm asking is if you wouldn't mind being apart of the meld this time?..I don't remember any of the last one...I'm not sure what we will see...not sure I want to see it and if you don't that's fine but I have something to show you after. It's something Liara shared with me and I figured you may want to see it...and no its nothing like that so get your mind out of the gutter."

"Really Shepard...you honelsty think I want to watch you two doing..."

"No!...but I know how you think." Shepard interrupts.

"Well...I will be apart of it if you want me too...don't know if I will be any help but...yeah and thanks."

Shepard nods a little and smiles at the Matriarch. She didn't know why but she felt like showing Aethyta a few of the memories she had of her daughter. She figures they were never in each others lives so she would show her. It could have been construed as a slap in Aethyta's face but Shepard was only trying to help the Matriarch. She starts to say something else but is interrupted.

"Oh commander I was hoping to find you in here. How are you feeling today." Doctor V'ler asks, she has been meaning to speak with Shepard about some of her recent scans the Asari doctor has ran. But in actuality she just wants to get closer to the commander. She has captivated the Asari ever since she saw her but has never been able to be alone with her. It also doesn't help that Shepard seems to be reminded of her beloved Liara everytime she sees her. Dr. V'ler only wants to get to know her better but doesn't want to scare the commander off either. She purses her lips together in mild annoyance as she realizes that once again they are not alone.

"Doctor...I am okay thank you." Shepard hesitantly says. She still feels uncomfortable around the Asari and wants to be alone with Aethyta right now. She is trying not to be rude but she has an off feeling about the Asari doctor.

"Well, well, well...who is this delectable piece of..."

"Matriarch Aethyta, this is Doctor V'ler. She helped Miranda Lawson and other doctors with my operations and recovery." Shepard interrupts her again before she can say anything completely embarrassing. "Doctor I am sorry but can you please excuse us I need to speak to the Matriarch for a moment longer."

"Of course commander but I must insist on speaking with you as well after you are finished... Matriarch." She bows her head towards the older Asari in respect and leaves the room.

Shepard turns her attention back to Aethyta who has an annoyed look on her face. "What the hell shep...never took you for a twat swatter before."

With that Shepard closes her eyes and shakes her head in mild amusement. In the brief times she had spoken to the Matriarch she was noting if not unapologetic in her vocabulary. It appeared she hadn't changed much and has picked up a couple of new sayings. "I'm glad to see your mixing it up with your sayings Aethyta. But trust me there is something off about her, I can't put my finger on it." Before Aethyta could say anything Shepard continues. " Sorry I just meant I think she is up to something."

"Uh... you don't have to explain what you meant to me I got it the first time. Been around long enough to know most of the weird shit humans say. And as far as that doctor who was just in here I would say she is a little interested in someone in this room and it isn't me."

Shepard shrugs her shoulders not really worrying about any interest someone else might have in her. She sighs a little reflecting on how she had to explain human sayings to Liara on a daily basis when they first met. She never minded doing it and she loved the 'look' Liara would give her. To Shepard it only meant she was able to speak to Liara more. As Liara came into her own the explanations were needed less and less but it still brought a smile to Shepards face with how 'cute' she thought her Asari was each time the confused expression came across her face. "Sorry I am just used to explaining myself when I use human sayings."

"Ah I see, my little girl would get confused whenever you said them? Heh, I guess all that education wasn't all she needed." Aethyta smiles."So you were her human interpreter as well I see."

"Yeah something like that." Shepard starts to explain all the sayings she had to clear up for Liara almost on a daily basis. They soon found themselves laughing uncontrollably at some of the sayings even Aethyta had not heard before.

" I think the best one was when I was pissed at Garrus and he was with me and Liara in a fire fight and we were getting over run when I called for him through the comm I said when your done choking your chicken get your ass down here and help. Needless to say every non human listening to us had extremely confused looks on their faces. I never explained it to Garrus and pretty much forgot about it until Liara asked me. We were alone in our cabin and she asked why Garrus would want to kill an Earth fowl that supposedly tasted like everything, especially since it resembled his species in a way. I think I laughed for about an hour after. But what got me the most was after I explained what choking ones chicken meant was how purple Liara's face became. I don't think she could look at Garrus after that without smiling a little. She even joined in the teasing a little bit making chicken noises when he would walk by. Eventually it traveled through the ship, have no idea how, and eventually everyone was in on it." Shepard finishes and looks over to Aethyta who has a smile on her face.

"She was a lot like her mother, even with me out of the picture for most of her life, I could see it when I watched her." Aethyta said with a solemn look on her face. Shepard could tell it was hard for the Matriarch to discuss it. It was for the both of them but it was needed.

Shepard starts to ask about Benezia when Samara walks into the room. "Shepard, I was told you needed to see me."

"Yes Samara thank you for coming, this is Matriarch Aethyta." After the introductions were complete Shepard asks. "So I was hoping you could tell me what happened in the meld. I don't remember any of the last one and I wanted to see if we could try again. The Matriacrh and I will have our own after this is done. I wanted to show her something since she is Liara's father but if its alright I wanted to see if she could join us?"

The justicars features never change as she answers. "I can not tell you what happened as it was confusing. You had many barriers in place and I could only see pieces." In fact Samara welcomed the possibility of the Matriacrhs help. The last meld she did with Shepard was filled with instant barriers and the only memories she saw were of the death and destruction of each world Shepard went to, the last being Thessia. "I believe assistance may be necessary if we are to try a meld again."

She was a little hesitant due to what might be in her thoughts and the possibility of Aethyta seeing her daughter die, it wasn't something she wants to see again or show her father. "Do you think her help is necessary?"

"Yes I believe in order to push past some of your barriers I will need help. It took all my energy to see what little I did. I believe someone who has more experience with melding will help as I have not had to do one in quite some time."

"Aethyta, what do you think...give it a shot? I'm not sure what we will see but its up to you."

The Matriarch thought for a moment. She wasn't sure if she wanted to see anything yet. She didn't think she was ready for what was to come but the look on Shepards face said it all. "Okay kid I'll do it. Just nothing kinky."

Shepard smiles a little as she realizes what the Matriarch was trying to do by lightning the mood. "Thank You."

* * *

They all sit next to each other and both Asari's eyes turn to black.'Embrace enternity' was all that was said. Immediately they were shown visions of people of all alien races dying as red beams shot all around them. No one recognized where they were but soon the memories changed. They were on a beach looking out at an ocean. As everything came into focus Shepard realizes where they are.

'_This is where we stayed when we were on leave after Saren was defeated.'_

_The vision continues and two figures slowly come into focus staring at each other on the beach just as the sun sets into the blue depths of the ocean. Shepard sighs a little, she loved that moment as the two of them looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity. They wanted to share the sunset together watching it in their own meld but when blue eyes met green they didn't want to break contact. The different colors that shown between them made their own skin and eye color sparkle in the light and they both became entranced with one another. They both wanted to tell each other how they felt at that moment but no words were necessary. Instead they stood there taking in each other, both feeling the love through the meld. As the vision started to fade both figures kissed each other. The next vision was of Shepard and Liara in the commanders quarters talking._

_'I don't know, marriage old age and a lot of little blue children'_

_Shepard closes her eyes and smiles at the memory. She could see how hard Liara had taken her death and as much as she wanted to throw herself at Shepard she was hesitant. Her two year fight was over and she had her beloved commander back but she was scared on what the future held. Finally Liara overcame all the fear and allowed herself to open up, reestablish the connection they had once again, she allowed herself to feel again. It still scared her but she was willing to do it, Shepard was worth it, they were worth it. _

_Thankfully the memory moved forward trying not to show Aethyta too much but it was to an area where no one recognized once again. They were all standing on what looked like a space station. They could see out in space and it was a peaceful view. They all start to look around when Shepard says._

_ 'I'm not sure where we are I've never seen this before.'_

_She starts to look closer at the area they are in. There are three platforms in front of them, the first is a glowing beam. The next looks like some kind of machine and is red in color while the last is blured but a green hue can be made out. Before anyone can react Shepard is doubled over in pain, neither Asari know exactly what is going on. The scene outside flashes and ships are exploding all around and a voice comes from no where._

_'You must choose.'_

_When the voice is done Shepard slowly stands up and she see's herself walk up to one of the platforms to the right. As she does the visions on the platforms change. They all stand there in shock as the beam in the center changes to an alliance officer, the blured green color on the left turns into a vision of three human figures and the red one on the right changes to an Asari. Shepard starts to shake as she realizes who everyone is. Anderson's body was in the middle suspended in air while to the left her family was held at gun point by a batarian. She could see her sister behind her father, his face showed no signs of being scared. Then her mother walks up and stands between them all. As she stops the Batarian shoots her. A scream of agony comes from Shepard having to live over one of her worst nightmares. Then the voice says again. _

_'You must choose which two you want to save.'_

_Shepard sees herself move towards Anderson. _

_'You did good child'. _

_Then another shot. She quickly turns to see her father slumped over. Before she can react she hears another voice she recognizes. _

_' I'm yours Shepard, always.' _

_It was Liara, her face was filled with cuts and she was barely able to stand, blue blood pouring from a wound down her left side. She sees the vision of herself move towards Liara and she feels the horror of whats to come next. _

_"What the fuck are you doing? You can still save her...god dammit stop!'_

_The words are no use as she can only watch herself shoot Liara over and over. She looks over to see her family dead, her sisters throat cut by the Batarian, Anderson slumped over a bullet in his stomach. Shepard can no longer move but notices a pistol in her hand. Smoke billowing out the barrel as if it had just been fired. She looks around to ask the Asari with her to end the meld but she is alone. An explosion to her right as Liara's body is thrown back, blue blood eveywhere. Alone once again, stunned at what she just witnessed, wanting nothing more for this to end... This could not have been how it happened?.. Feeling dizzy she falls to her knees and screams. All her pain and sorrow come out. What she just witnessed is too much to deal with. _

* * *

Her eyes open looking into two sets of the others in the room. One set blue, one brown both showing concern. She quickly runs to the bathroom and empties her stomach into the toilet, screaming uncontrollably as she does. The two Asari go into the room to try and help Shepard but stop short as she kicks the door closed in their faces. Samara sighs a little and walks out of the room attempting to focus on what she just saw. Aethyta is left alone with no clue on what to do. She cannot comprehend what she just witnessed in the meld. She watched a family slaughtered an Alliance soldier killed by Shepard as well as her daughter and Shepard caused it all. At least that is what the vision showed yet it was jumbled. The Matriarch can only hope as she continues to stand alone flinching each time she hears Shepard scream, that the visions they all saw were wrong. The screaming is worse then what she heard outside while she cried, held by her Quarian friend. These cries of absolute pain as the finality of Liara's fate was realized.

As the crying slowly stops Aethyta decides to enter the bathroom. She pushes on the door and when she feels no resistance opens it all the way. She finds Shepard curled up in a ball in front of the sink shaking. Not knowing what to do she says. "I will get you a towel and call a nurse." She gets no response and heads out of the room.

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As Shepard lays on the cold floor she can feel warm arms pull her into an embrace gently stroking her blonde hair. All Shepard can see is the color blue through her tear filled eyes. She starts to wonder if this was another trick caused by her mind but her voice is soothing just like Liara, telling her its alright, that she will be okay. Her eyes, deep blue orbs that remind Shepard of a diamond, flawless, perfect, beautiful in every way. Freckles on her face, her crests that get lighter as they reach their ends. Its her; Liara is here holding her but how she just witnessed her death, again. Shepard doesn't care anymore she has her love back holding her saying it's okay and for the first time since she woke up she feels it will be as she allows the Asarri to meld with her.

* * *

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"Samara, what are you doing here? Are you alright you look...off?" The raven haired woman asks. It has been the first time in a couple of days that Miranda has been in the hospital and she needs to see Shepard no matter what but the look on the Justicars face has her worried that something might have happened.

The justicar looks up and blue eyes meet blue. "It is good to see you Ms. Lawson and yes I am alright. I'm just looking for a place where I can meditate."

"Thats not a problem, I am sure the hospital has an empty room for you...I was wondering if you had seen Commader Shepard recently? I really need to speak with her."

"She is the reason I must meditate now. The visions I saw from the meld will haunt me for the rest of my life and I need to calm my mind. I fear if Shepard does not do the same she may go mad."

This is not what Miranda needs to hear right now. She as hoping that Shepard was getting better, slowly remembering a little at a time being able to adjust slowly but now it seems a meld was done and the Alliance officers state of mind has deteriorated drastically. "Thank you Samara... I will take all of this into account when I speak to her."

As the Justicar wallks away a low garbled voice can be heard yelling from Shepards room. "What the fuck are you doing? Get away from her now before I head butt you through the wall. You think I dont know what your trying to do, get in close to her and try and take care of the savior of the galaxy. And since her bondmate is dead you think you can take over. Get out now!"

Miranda bursts into the room. What she sees is confusing and she can't imagine why this other Asari is yelling at the Doctor. Dr. V'ler is sitiing on the floor holding Shepard in her arms trying to comfort her for some reason. "What is with all the yelling? Turning towards the elder Asari she says..."I don't know who you are but the doctor has been by Shepards side helping her from the beginning. I am sure she was still doing her job...

"Don't give me that bullshit." Aethyta interupts. " I've seen how she looked at her and I also noticed how much she looks like my daughter. So don't stand there and tell me she is trying to do anything other than get into her pants."

"You do not know what you are talking about, Matriarch, I have been here to help her. Where were you when she was brought in? You say your daughter was her bondmate, then why is this the first time you have been up to see her?"

Before Aethyta can say another word the Commander quickly stands up and tearing herself from the hands of the Asari holding her. "Why are you touching me? I called you Liara and you didn't correct me so why the fuck were you holding me and you melded with me! I asked you a question dammit start talking!"Shepard is yelling at the top of her lungs. She never thought that someone who was supposed to take care of her would manipulate her like this. As safe as she felt it all went away in an instant and she immediately became guarded. She wanted nothing more than to hit this bitch in front of her but before she can do anything Aethyta gently takes her by the arm and leads to a chair.

"It felt so real...I thought it was her." Shepard says to no one in particular. "I...I just want it to be real... to feel her again."

The Matriarch wishes she could say something to comfort Shepard but she has never been someone to do that, never had to. All she can do is hold Shepards hand as she stares daggers at the Asari doctor who is being lead out of the room finally by Miranda. The ex Cerberus agent slowly walks back in and looks at her friend. Her eyes are sunken in and have a distant look, like she hasn't slept in days. She barely looks like she is awake and it reminds Lawson of when Shepard first woke up on the Cerberus operating table. Barely alive, void of any feeling but Miranda needs to talk to her friend. "Shepard I need to talk to you...do you feel up to it?

Aethyta is the first to speak. '"What the fuck do you think...that bitch just tried to rape her mind and you want to chat it up now? Is everyone in this hospital stupid?"

Ignoring the comment Miranda continues. "Look Shepard I have to leave for a while, I need to have a procedure done and I'm not sure when I will see you again. I may not be coming back at all if everything works out so...im sorry...I have to talk to you now."

Shepard looks at Miranda and nods then she looks to the Matriarch holding her hand silently thanking her.

"I will be outside if you need anything." Aethyta says and walks out of the room.

Silence overtakes the room once again but Shepard is the first to speak. "Why are you leaving and what procedure do you need done?" Shepard says fatly. She is curious why Miranda needs to leave even if it doesn't sound it.

Not being able to look at Shepard in the eye, Miranda decides to just tell her. "I need to have my implants replaced...when the crucible fired all synthetics went off-line including yours. It didn't affect me as severely as it did you because my internal organs were healthy and yours were shutting down."

Shepard can hardly pay attention to what Miranda is saying as she is still trying to figure out why the Asari doctor would meld with her without permission. She feels violated but what Miranda says next gets her attention.

"Shepard...if all my operations are successful and my calculations are correct with the new implants I should live close to...seven hundred years..."

Shepards eyes snap up to look at the woman in front of her._ Did she just say seven... _

Understanding the shocked look on Shepards face Miranda continues. " Yes I said seven hundred. I wanted this to be a gift for you and Liara. I had created these implants while I was bringing you back with Cerberus on my own time and I was able to perfect them. I wasn't going to use them until I had your permission but you would have died if I didn't. I'm sorry...

"So what your saying is I have the same implants as you and I will live as long as an Asari? Tell me I heard you correctly...you decided once again to play God with me!? You should of let me die on the fucking table!

"Please listen to me." Miranda starts to almost beg as tears start to form in her eyes. "I couldn't let you die and I never expected all this...I only wanted to give you and Liara a gift... I never...

"Stop. Talking. Now! I do not want to hear shit from you except how you plan on removing your 'gift'. Thats it nothing else."

"Remove them... but you'll die. No absolutely not. I will not be responsible for you..."

"Shut the fuck up! What your fine with giving me life but since I have nothing left and rather live a humans life span or not at all you have a problem. Get these things out of me NOW!

"Shepard...I need you to relax... and hand me the gun."

Shepard had been sitting in the chair next to Finches bed where her friend had left their weapons pack and armor. Not thinking she grabs the pistol and points it at her head. "If you won't than I will!"

"NO"!

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* * *

"Goddess Ashley is this report true...Shepard is alive?" Tears of joy flowing down her face. The Asari looks at the second human spectre hoping beyond anything she was not dreaming. They had all been stuck on the Normandy for far to long and even though Liara could feel and almost knew without a doubt her bondmate was alive she was starting to doubt everything. Her shadow brokers network wasn't operational and even if it was Liara doubted there would be enough of her agents to help in Shepard's search. Liara knew how badly each world was and how much time it would take to recover but at this point she didn't care her love was alive and she would see her soon. Her memory of the last time she saw her alive as she was helping her and Garrus onto the Normandy trying to get Liara out of danger.

_"Don't argue with me Liara."_

_"Your not leaving me behind."_

_"No matter what happens...you mean everything to me...I love you Liara."_

_"I love you Kerry...I always will."_

Liara smiles sadly at that moment. She never thought she would ever see Shepard again and up until Ashely walked into her office she didn't have any proof, only what she felt. Now it was confirmed; Shepard was alive and the ship couldn't move fast enough to her love. Liara wants everything Shepard had promised. Marraige and kids and to live out their lives in peace. She always knew Shepard would go before her but could only hope in what the future held. After all her love was brought back from the dead once already but she didn't want to think of that right now. She stands up from her bed as Ashelys' grin grows as wide as her face and almost knocks Liara over with how hard she hugs her.

"It's true Liara... we checked the message multiple times before I came down to tell you first. We...I needed to be absolutely sure...I couldn't bring this too you without verifying it."

"Thank you Ashley...you have no idea..." Tears of joy start to fall harder as she tightens her arms around Williams.

"You're welcome. You will be with her soon."

* * *

A/N: Karma's a bitch ain't it


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: All I have to say is wow...just wow. I never thought i'd get the response for this story that I have been getting so I thank all of you for your reviews/PMs...yes even the ones calling me an evil bastard. And about that I don't understand everyone. You all asked if Liara was ok, don't kill her off and I didn't. Seriously people there is just no pleasing you all. I don't understand what I did wrong...ha ha ha...anyway I truly hope I got back to everyone who left a comment or a follow/ fav if I didn't I apologise.

This was only supposed to be a fifteen thousand word story at most but it kind of just kept going on its own. Kind of like this A/N.

This next chapter is a little shorter than the others but I figured for all your patience you deserved some more fluff. Im trying something a little new for me, it will be in Liara's POV. I actually wanted the entire story to be like that from all the different characters perspectives in each chapter but I didnt think I could pull it off. Enjoy.

* * *

Taproot

Left behind:

Step right up lets paint a SMILE!

On a clown so it's upside down

Sarcastic impression of what we've BECOME!

Playing the part that's been cast by some

Lying in wait, trying to figure it OUT! Needing to make ends meet.

Elephants in the room tonight

Around and round we go, where we stop no one will know

Everything seems to be falling APART!

Happens complacecnce can feed the spark

End over end, side by side

lonesome while counting down, clocks been tight

Praying for help we'll be alright

Around and round we go, where we stop no one can know

Nothing can save us until we are left behind

One more time

View from below looking up as we start to climb

One more time

Nothing can save us until we are left behind

One more time

It's not as bad as we knew it could BE!

Happens complacecnce can feed the spark

Sometimes kind, never proud

lonesome while counting down, clocks been tight

Escort me into the LIGHT!

Nothing can save us until we've been left behind

One more time

View from below looking up as we start to climb

One more time

Nothing can save us until we've been left behind

One more time

* * *

"Liara." I hear in the distance and I instantly recognize your voice. I turn around to see you in front of me, alive. Tears stream down my face and it takes all the strength I have not to collapse as my legs start to give out. You notice and in an instant you are holding me. Goddess how I have missed this, you, us. It has only been a few months but it seems as if an eternity had passed. The way you smile is enchanting and it is only ever directed at me. I have been blessed again, to have you in my life and now will be the time for us.

We are finished with it all, not caring what anyone will say as now is the time to concentrate on what we have and our future together. It is selfish but I will lock you in a status bubble if I have to in order for you to be safe with me.

You stare at me with your deep green eyes, I have always found them alluring getting lost whenever I look into them. You say mine are like a diamond, perfect but there are no words I know to describe yours.

"Goddess Shepard you're okay..." I say into your shoulder, slowly kissing my way up your neck to your lips. I feel your hands snake around my waist, my hands instinctively run through your hair. I have always been drawn to it, feeling like silk when I run my fingers through it. Its color has always reminded me of the golden sun on thesia, gorgeous in ever way. Everything about you mesmerizes me and I can not believe how lucky I am to have you in my life. I feel your hands slowly work their way down my back and my breath catches a little as they find there goal. Grabbing my backside and pulling me in tighter. I want to feel all of you and as the meld begins all the love you have for me washes over my entire being like a tidal wave.

We have only been apart for a short time but it brought me back to those horrible two years. But to see and feel you here now with me is something I never want to forget. Before I can say anything I feel you pick me up and lay me gently on the bed. Eyes studying every part of me hungrily and I shutter in anticipation as what will happen next. To use the words uncivilized would be the understatement of the millennia.

As you look down at me all I can do is smile. I close my eyes loving the way you've always looked at me. You tell me I am a your work of art and science project all in one. To be looked at in awe and studied extensively.

"I have something to ask you." You say and my heart flutters a little knowing what it is, still not wanting to be too anxious I wait. Wait for the words I've wanted to hear since I met you so long ago.

Opening my eyes...confusion.. Your eyes are...glowing red? You lean in to kiss me again its hard and rough, something you've never done before. I am shaken to my core as you pull back and I see your face, breaks in your skin glowing red like your eyes...I sense something from you I've never felt before in any of our time together...betrayal... You look me over once again and wicked grin comes across your face. I feel cold empty and alone in the meld. I can't help but turn away from your glare as it pains me to see. "I need to ask you something my love" you say again. I slowly turn my gaze towards you fearful of what I might see.

"Yes?" I hesitantly say still not able to look at you.

"Why won't you look at me?" You ask.

Trembling I look in your eyes again but now they have changed to a cold black color...in an instant I feel death.

"Why did you leave me? You ask in a haunting voice, void of any caring or love only loathing. I am confused, afraid, never have you made me feel this way and I hate it.

"I asked you why did you leave me...to die?"

I am stunned into silence as tears roll down my face. You blame me, Goddess no, you blame me for leaving you...alone.

"Not sure why I am surprised I've always been alone no matter what so why should you be any different!"

"Please Shepard I begged them...everyone to turn the Normandy around they said they couldn't, I've missed you so much..."

"Save it! Now you get to feel what it is like to be me. Mindor, akuze, being spaced. Illium."

You spat the last place at me like its a cancer.

"Shepard...Kerry, please I can never apologize enough for that...you no how hard it was for me...it ...it still is when I think about it."

"So...what now it gets too hard and you leave...no...I make that choice now."

"Why are you doing this...saying these things to me...I love you. All of you...I am yours..." Mind numb can't think with as much pain as you are causing me. I never thought you could make me feel like this. This can't be happening, I just got you back and your pushing me away.

"Goddess Shepard I never meant for any of this to happen. I wanted to come back, I cursed everyone said they were all cowards for leaving you..."

"Yes but I wasn't sleeping with them...no matter... now you get to feel what it is like to be alone..."

You lean in towards me as you finish talking. I can see the hate in your eyes...directed at me...it's too much I try to leave but you grab me...

"You stay and watch."

"What are you doing...please don't do this...No don't..."

* * *

Awake;

"Goddess it was just a dream...a horrible nightmare." Barely able to move shaking from what I just witnessed. We need to get to earth,..now. I need you now more than ever and I am fearful of what that dream meant. Guilt, I can sense it in more than just myself. The crew could barely look at me while we were on that goddess forsaken planet. I wanted to stay and fight, be by your side till the end but you saw I was hurt and as much as it pained us both we knew what our end would be... You saving everyone me included...you told me you could not go on unless you knew I was safe but I felt the same, still do. The pain in your eyes was reflected in mine as you walked away from me for what we thought was the last time.

Now with the news of your survival there are multiple emotions I feel. Joy, love, hope yet sadness. I was not there when you needed me the most,again and it pains me that I was not at your side the entire way. And after this nightmare I never want to be apart as I take on the entire burden alone. I know you would never say it or even think it but I feel like I abandoned you at a time when you needed everyone the most and I will be forever sorry about that fact.

As hurt and angry as you were on illium for me ignoring you and on Hagalaz for me asking you to choose between us and the alliance I've never been at the receiving end of your wrath. You held your tongue so to not hurt me! Yet I find myself deserving, wanting you to yell, scream at me if it means you are with me.

I have to force myself out of bed to start my day not wanting to leave the comfort of our bed. Ashley let me use it but I initially refused, sighting it being too difficult to walk into our cabin much less see all the things that remind me of you. But she was adamant telling me you'd hurt her if she allowed your fish to die. I tried to smile at that comment but I haven't found much to laugh about. Only when I think of you with your attempt at humor does a smile come to my face. You always had a sense of humor around me. I'm not sure which it was but either you allowed yourself to relax around me or I brought that beautiful smile out, either way knowing it was because of me only made me want you more.

I didn't understand everything you said to me but you were always there willing to explain yourself. Whether it was telling garrus to stop trying to kill his pet chicken or you wearing wrex's armor walking hunched over and asking everyone what day it was, still not sure what hump day means. Knowing you it's just another reason to get me into bed...not that you ever needed one.

Now I found myself wanting so much of you and I never thought it was possible to have the feelings for someone that I do for you. When we first crashed here it was nearly impossible for me to roam around freely without being reminded of you. The ship, the crew, my office, our cabin all of it reminded me of my beloved Shepard. The first few nights of sleeping in our bed were heart wrenching as your natural essence was permanently embedded in the sheets. Countless nights I found myself crying when I laid in bed wishing you were here with me just so I could feel your arms around my body pulling us close whispering you love me in your low seductive voice, melting in your arms.

I am yours now, forever my love and we will be together again.

x

x

x

This is Aiden Pierce galactic news:

There is only one update since our last broadcast. There is a report from alliance navy that one of there officers has died yesterday from an apparent self inflicted gun shot wound. No word yet on who the soldier was but it is the first casualty of any military member in the past two months. Our hearts and prayers go out to all the friends and family members who have been affected by this horrible tragedy... What we have learned however is the hospital where it happened is where our beloved commander Shepard has been recovering for the past three months. We tried to get a team to the hospital for an interview but we were denied access. We can only hope that Commander Shepard is doing well and we all look forward to seeing her make a full recovery...this is Aiden Pierce.

* * *

A/N: oh wait did I say fluff I meant Flevil. Evil fluff sorry couldnt help myself. No more evil after this...and yes i make up words just look at my screen name ...also I have to apologize for the beginning I always put dream sequences in italics but I uploaded this from my phone and it didnt allow me to change it.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Again anyone who has followed fav'd reviewed, PM'd me. I thank you it means a lot. Even if you looked at it and thought it was crap thank you...and ha ha you look at crap...sorry in a weird mood...anyway I truly appreciate it all and I thank all of you, even the ones who thought I was being evil and stuck with this story. It's far from done but I felt like saying thank you again.

Those of you who have a slight idea of who taproot is will know this song probably by heart as they played it on every radio station after it came out in 2002 (yes I think even religious stations played it) so I hope you continue to enjoy.

And oh yeah Bioware owns all, just taking it out to play.

**Taproot**

**"Poem"**

Overbearing panic attack entrenching my veins in an hour i'll be ok i pray this pain will go away permanently someday

I'VE seen more than... I should have to... I'VE seen this on my own

This song is a, poem to myself, it helps me to live...

In case of fire, BREAK the glass, and move on into your own...

Reoccurring drowning effect entrenching my brain, i hope you'll be ok someday, so i can say that you moved on in the right way...

WE'VE seen this and WE'VE breathed this and WE'VE lived this on our own...

This song is a, poem to myself, it helps me to live... in case of fire, BREAK the glass, and move on into your own... your own...

BREAK...

This song is a, poem to myself, it helps me to live... in case of fire, BREAK the glass, and move on into your

OWN...

* * *

"Liara, can i talk to you?" Garrus asks. He enters the Asari's quarters unannounced and unnoticed. He had seen her walking out of the elevator, apparently coming from her and Shepard's quarters and quickly enter her own office. He is one of the few who knew her real identity so guessed she was looking to see if she could make contact with any of her sources. He had seen the look on her face and it worried him a little. Liara initially walked off the elevator with a sad look on her face but as she made her way to the mess hall and eventually her office her expression changed. She was smiling for what seemed to be the first time in three months. After the Normandy left the Sol system and eventually crashed the Asari was rarely seen and when the crew did catch a glimpse of her she ignored them all. Garrus knew she was upset about the Commander, he knew what the two had together and knew she was hurting since Shepard got them both on board the Normandy safely before she fired the crucible. He hadn't heard of anything new regarding his human friend and was hurting just as much as Liara. He felt horrible for leaving without Shepard and it was only made worse when Liara called them all out on it. Calling them cowards for leaving their so called friend behind to die when they all knew Shepard would never do that. Even though the Turian was injured he could still go on, wanted to go on but he had his own responsibility. '_If anything happens and it looks like we might not make it...I need you to do something for me. Get everyone out of here, make sure she gets to safety...I don't care how, you just do it.'_

He wanted to argue, yell, scream at his stubborn friend. She was willing to throw her life away, again, in order to make sure they were all safe. But when was her time to be protected? It took everything he had not to run after Shepard when she walked away but she gave him one look, one simple look that said please stay. Her eyes were begging him to stay by Liara's side because they both knew if Garrus followed, Liara would do whatever it took to be by their side. No one else would do this for Shepard, hold Liara back, but she could count on him for this one last favor. This time it would be different, if the commander didn't make it he was going to protect Liara and see too it that her pain would not take control of her like it did the last time. He would see too it that he was there to support Liara as much as he could. But Liara once again broke off from the rest of the crew and isolated herself in their quarters. After the memorial service for Shepard where they _thought_ she was dead the Asari was not to be approached.

She snapped at Specialist Traynor when she tried to comfort her and had to be restrained by himself and Vega when Traynor offered Liara her condolences. Liara knew of the attraction the Specialist had for her girl but was in no way threatened. She knew where Shepard's heart lied and it was with Liara and her alone and the fact that Shepard rarely acknowledged the other woman much less any advances. The only exception was when she tried to invite herself for a shower in their room. The Commander immediately refused asking her to leave, that she was already involved and it would be good for everyone's health if Samantha kept quiet about it. Liara knew of the attraction but after their next meld when she felt guilt from Shepard that she should have known about Traynor's intentions but Liara was furious with Traynor only and nearly had her spaced. Still, Garrus knew Liara blamed everyone including herself for leaving. She knew the commander would comeback to her and refused to add Shepards name among the fallen. As hard as Garrus knew this conversation was going to be he had to do it, he had his own promise to follow through with.

"Liara...?" He says a second time. The Asari stops what she is doing at her terminal and looks over at the Turian. She was beaming on the inside after Williams had told her of the Commanders survival but after her nightmare, she began to worry. Worry that Shepard wouldn't want her, blame her for leaving even though the Commander was the one to call for her evac. She felt tremendous guilt since leaving and it was made worse at the wall memorial. She turned on everyone there when they handed her the cold metal plate containing her loves name. She wasn't dead, Liara felt it with all that she was. Her beloved Commander was coming back to her so she reminded everyone standing there waiting on her to make Shepard's death permanent by putting her name on a Goddess forsaken wall. She was seething with rage and when Traynor tried to say something to her she snapped and nearly killed Garrus and Vega after she threw a warp towards the Specialist. She was instantly restrained by the two after she screamed at Samantha telling her to never touch her again. She threatened to fillet the human woman calling her words of sympathy a farce, that she only wanted Shepard for herself, hoping for Liara to be out of the way so she could slide in. Traynor was horrified and quickly ran off and after it was all done Garrus had a broken arm and Vega had a concussion.

Dr. Chakwas was less than pleased at the injuries, not at who caused them but why it happened in the first place. As much as the Normandy's doctor looked out for Shepard and her crew she had taken a fond interest in Liara especially after she found out about the attraction between her and Shepard. Chakwas made it a point to look after the Asari and made sure her displeasure was well known to the entire crew after they tried to hang up Shepard's name. They had no way of knowing what had happened as communications were down and it baffled the ships doctor as to why they thought Shepard had perished. Liara believed she was alive so that was enough for Chakwas.

At the time they had no incoming communications only being able to transmit and that was limited. Allers was only able to replay her interviews she had with the crew and after her camera stopped working, no other communications were available. All non-essential areas of the ship needed to be shut down after they crashed and even though the communications were important, it was decided they could be worked after the Normandy was space worthy and they could get a message out that they were all alive when they made it close enough to a buoy. They started to receive transmissions as they got closer to the Sol system but even then it was only a repeated galactic network news cast giving limited information. As limited as it was it gave Liara the only news she needed to hear, Shepard was alive.

Liara decided to see if her network could find anything out and was making progress until Garrus interupted her. She felt bad about hurting the Turian but still had a hard time looking at anyone on board other than Chakwas. Still Garrus was her friend and with the new information that Shepard was alive she began to feel better, a little.

"Yes Garrus what can I do for you."saying a little harsher than she intended. Apparently she still wanted nothing to do with anyone except Shepard.

"Uh...I was wondering if you wanted to take a break for a little while. You've been working yourself to exhaustion and I was hoping we could talk." Garrus hesitatnly says.

"About what exactly, as you can see I am extremely busy and don't have time to waste." As mad as Liara was at everyone she couldn't tolerate even looking at Garrus. She saw his injuries right before the Normandy lifted off and left Shepard alone and they were nowhere near as bad as hers were yet he allowed himself to stay behind and leave his friend to face the Reapers alone. _Goddess she is alive but I am still infuriated with him. Why did he so easily agree to stay back?_

"Liara look I know I'm not who you want to talk to right now but I would like you to come with me just for a moment. You just look like you could use a friend..." He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth he was Shepard's friend and he allowed himself to stay onboard. So he saw it, the look of disdain Liara gave him every time she would glance at him. He could barely look at her when she did that and this wasn't any easier as her eyes were boring into his skull with a look of hatred. After a moment Liara looks back to her terminal and sighs a little.

"Very well I will be with you in a moment." As Garrus turns to walk out he can hear Liara still talking before the door closes. "Glyph, I need you to run scans on any information you can regarding the hospital Shepard is recovering in..."

The door shuts in his face just as he turns around to ask Liara if he heard correctly. He was shocked. Shepard was recovering, she was alive , how, and why did no one tell him? He needs to know why now so he walks up to the three humans in the mess waiting for Liara to come out of her room. They had already started to drink Chakwas's brandy and were a couple of shots into the bottle. Williams, Vega and the ships doctor were all sitting around talking about Shepard.

"Hey did I just hear Liara right, Shepards alive?" He receives smiles from the two women at the table and a nod from Vega. "Okay, so why am I the last to know about this?"

Williams speaks up first. "Your not vakarian, just the last out of us to know." She smiles a little.

Garrus is speechless, the only thing he can do is sit and grab his untouched drink, downing the shot in one gulp. She was alive and apparently recovering, he had a million and one questions such as, where was she, why was he the last to know and why was Liara still mad at him. The latter he knew, as it didn't matter if Shepard was alive or dead Liara hated him for leaving, he hated himself. As he fills his glass again he feels someone standing next to him. He turns around to find Liara and she was smiling. It wasn't at him but she had her beautiful smile on her face, something no one has seen in months.

"Liara it is good to see you, here have a drink." Williams offers.

Before Liara can say anything Chakeas speaks up. "Liara here I already made you some tea."

"Thank you doctor I think I need this." Liara says, still not looking at the Turian sitting across from her.

As the conversations continue Garrus can only concentrate on one thing, he had to fix things with Liara. He knew Shepard wanted him to keep quiet about what she made him promise to do. He wasn't going to say anything to her initially as it probably would not have mattered if Shepard was gone. It would not have made anyone feel better so he figured years down the road he might say something but now, with Shepard alive he wants get back on good terms with the Asari. So he patiently sits listening to all of them and how Vega was shocked when he realized who he was guarding when he first arrived on Earth after Commander Shepard was arrested. He was apologetic to Liara telling her she kept asking him to get a message out to someone but he was under strict orders not to allow her to contact anyone.

"If I knew what she was trying to do...contacting you, just to let you know what was going on I would have but everyone thought she would try and contact Cerberus or something..." His words drift off a little not really knowing if Liara wants to hear what he had to say but to his surprise she lays her hand on his and nods towards the human in thanks. As if picking up on where Vega left off Williams continues.

"Yeah, when I saw her on Horizon and again on Earth I was convinced she was different, still had Cerberus ties, something but when I saw you two on Mars...I don't know something woke me up and I realized she didn't change, I did, when the original Normandy was destroyed we all lost something that day. Then seeing her again alongside Cerberus...I just couldn't get my head around it." Ashely had been staring at her drink and after she downs her shot she looks up to Liara smiling at her. Williams begins to feel tears form around her eyes before she makes her next statement. "I know we haven't always seen eye to eye Liara and all but when it comes down to it... you've been good for her, always have. When i met her I thought she was the best soldier to ever walk. Then she surprised me and spoke to me about my family and took an interest in me. But after she met you, well I didn't think it was possible, you made her better all the way around." She never really cried before but when she saw the tears streaming down Liara's face she nearly lost al composure. She decides to lighten the mood a little saying.

"Dont know how you did it...well I have an idea but I'm not asking." Williams shakes her head in mild amusement as Vega whines like a child. "No Vega you're not asking either, your head nearly popped off on Mars and I can only imagine what is going through your mind right now."

"No you wouldn't chica." Vega retorts before he puts his drink up to his mouth and winks towards Ashley.

"Well james you would be surprised how...uncivilized she was that night...I wasn't seeing as it had been six months since we were last together." Liara says with a huge smile on her face. She didn't know which she was enjoying more the memory of their reunion or the choking alliance soldier sitting next to her. After the laughter and shock of Liara's statement and Vega's reaction Garrus decides he needs to say his peace and then leave. He was the only one not enjoying himself at the table and wants to get up but not before Liara heard him out.

Not knowing exactly how to tell everyone he begins. "She made me promise her."

Confused a little as what he was talking about Vega asks. "Care to elaborate Vakarian?"

Looking direclty into Liara's blue eyes he continues. "She made me promise to get you out of harms way if things went south...and they did. I could have went with her, I should have. I know your mad at me about it...I'm mad at myself and I wasn't going to say anything but I need you to know this." He stands up to leave and as he does Liara gently grabs his arm and leads him away from the group. He didn't want to look her in the eyes. He was anticipating her reaction to be like before but when he finally did he saw a smile on her face, tears in her eyes he knew she forgave him. Liara cups the side of his face with her hand, leans in and kisses the side of his face, whispering 'thank you' in his ear.

* * *

"Well since the mood has changed a little I will go look for another bottle." Doctor Chakwas slowly gets up. As she walks near where Liara and Garus were standing she asks the Asari to join her in the Med bay when she was finished. She sits patiently in her office and as the door hisses open she turns around smiling brightly at the Asari.

"Please sit Liara I wanted to talk to you." As the Asari sits across from the human doctor she takes another drink of brandy. "Liara I have concern for you. Even though we have had our scheduled appointments this is the first time we have sat and spoke since well before we left for Earth. I noticed you were in a better mood since finding out about the commander but you still look upset."

Liara takes a deep breath and lets it out. She tells the human doctor all of her fears and how horrible her dream was the night before. What scares her the most is Shepard rejecting her but as usual doctor Chakwas was the voice of reason.

Taking the Asari's hands in hers she says. "Liara listen to me. I have known that woman for a long time and I know her very well. She is stubborn but has an open mind. She will kill a person just as quick as she will comfort someone who is hurting. She has always been willing to help friends and strangers but will bring someone to justice if they do the wrong thing. She is the only person I have ever met to do these things, she is the human contradiction yet there is one thing I have never seen her do and that is love someone as much as she does you. You are the only one she has ever let in to her life. Yes she has had a difficult life but you have made it easier for her to make it though each day since she has known you. The commander I know does not turn her back on her friends and you my dear Liara are well past just being her friend. You have nothing to worry about... I've said it before, I can count on two hands who her close friends are and one finger who she loves."

Barely able to speak due to the heart-felt words from the human doctor, Liara can only nod her head and smile in appreciation at Chakwas. Liara knew Chakwas was right and she just needed to see Shepard as soon as possible. The waiting was beginning to take its toll on her.

"Now take this and dry your eyes and let me see that gorgeous smile the Commader speaks so fondly of." As Liara laughs a little, Chakwas starts to lead her to a bed to run a scan. "As I do know human and Asari physiology and how alcohol affects us quite differently I would like to run a scan on you before I pass out."

As Liara is laying there awaiting her scan results she realizes the human doctor was right and she should not worry so much. Now the feeling of sadness and guilt are replaced with anticipation and she was becoming excited at the notion of being able to see her love again soon. A smile lights up her face with the thoughts that were going through her mind. It was hard not to smile knowing she would see her; her eyes, her hair, feel her body, her lips, tongue... _Goddess I need to see her now._

As the heart monitor blips a little that is attached to Liara, Chakwas looks up from a data pad she had been looking at. Smiling a little she asks. "What are you doing over there?"

Blushing a little Laira shakes her head. "Oh nothing of importance." A smile adorns her face.

"I see...you know Liara if you intend on giving Vega anymore injuries please let me know ahead of time but I would advise against letting him know anymore of your 'thoughts' regarding you and the Commander as I would not like to have to pick him up after he has a stroke." The two in the room start laughing at the reaction James had only moments before at Liaras revelation.

"I will take that into consideration...how are my scan results?"

"You are fine my dear, everything is as it should be. My only advice is rest but you are fine physically."

"And the bab..."

_"Hey Asley can you please come to the comm room when you have a minute, Traynor has a bug up her ass about something." Joker interrupts over the ships's Comm. _

In the distance the two in the med room can hear Ashley say something about kicking Vegas ass for getting her to drink with him again.

* * *

"What are we going to do about this?..this is a mess."

"We do what we are trained to do... nothing changes...relax."

"Yes but there is a dead alliance officer that we were taking care of and she died under our watch. It was bad enough Admiral Hackett was here when it happened but now this news crew is all over the place since finding out Shepard was here. So I ask again what are we going to do?"

"We follow standard protocol...you know what it is so follow it."

Two nurses were talking about the recent tragedy that had happened. They were used to people dying on their watch but never something like this. This was a woman who had beaten the odds and survived. She had been severely injured but had been expected to recover fully. She had done her military duty and she was one of the many soldiers Admiral Hackett was proud of. Now it seems the emotional stress of loosing all who were close to her had been too much. The alliance officer had seen the head therapist and it was thought that she was making good progress but it was rumored after a discussion with someone it became unbearable for her and something in her finally broke. How she had access to a weapon was unknown but being investigated and the hospital staff became concerned the officers death would be their fault. They knew countless questions would be coming their way especially after it was leaked that commander Shepard was a patient. With all this going on however, they still had a job to do, other patients to help so the answer was easy, follow protocol; if anyone contacted the hospital they were not allowed to give out information regarding the victims identity. They were to wait on a family member to identify the body and move on. They knew the officer had no family so it was decided that the friends she had there for her already could fill in the roll of next of kin. Still it would be difficult for the hospital to recover from this tragedy especially now that they are in the public eye. Having the savior of the galaxy under your care will do that.

X

X

X

X

This is Aide...:

There is only one update since our l... broad...t. There is a report from allia... .avy that one of there officers has died y...erday from an apparent self inflicted gun shot wound. N... d y.. o... the soldier ...s but it is the first casualty of any m...tary member in the past two mo...s. Our hearts and pr...rs go out to all the friends and ... members who have been aff...ed by this horrible tragedy... we have learned ... commander Shepard ... We tried to get a team to the hospital for an inter...

X

X

X

X

* * *

The two alliance soldiers can only stair ahead in shock at what they just heard. They had been listening to the new feed that had come over the comm. For whatever reason it was of worse quality than the first transmission they heard and Trainor needed to clean the message up quickly before...

_"Williams, I need help down here now!" _Vega calls over the intercom.

"What happened Vega!"

_"I heard a scream come from Liara's office and when I went in I found her on the floor. __Get doctor Chakwas now she's bleeding!"_


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: again thank you for the follow fav and reviews. You are all awesome...yes even you scorpion...calling me a horrible person still not sure what I'm doing wrong :)...and you are using words that are too big for me...and yes hmenely you will see that you read my mind ...scary huh?...this chapter bounces a lot between pre and post incident, but I tried to make it as easy to follow as I could. There is a part in here that is more of a narrative so I hope I don't confuse/ annoy you all with this but this one answers some questions...and again hard M rating...

Love this next song...and even though I know most of you arent you tubing the songs which is fine but if you are and you find yourself singing to this one in paticular...do not do what I did and forget to breath at the part towards the end where he screams truth...of course i was on stage covering the song and streched it out as long as I could...nearly collapsed...anyway enjoy.

* * *

**Chevelle**

******"Emotional Drought"**

It's possible that the worst

Of the inside

Could take our pencils away

End creating

Can't let the teachers lay waste

Of a new mind

Prevent emotional drought And watch the pace quicken

Try to never touch

Try to never touch

Won't keep holding back my conscious

Realize

There's a choice to not end up like you

Not end up like you

Let's turn our wretched debates into action

By diplomacy gain, back a handshake

Tied and unable to tend, to the wounds that were made

So much closer to shame we see but never touch...

Search

For

_TRUUUUUTH~_

ONE. MORE. MAN...

Tearing at the throat of

One more man Never dropped as fast as

One more man

Coloring the fate of

One more man Is better than the fate of you

* * *

**Normandy: Post incident**

"Listen to me I am Lieutenant commander Ashley Williams, Council Spectre and I demand to know what happened to..." Williams starts out the convesation abruptly. She thinks if she can throw the hospital staff off guard with her status she can get answers but the staff were apparently ready for questions about the incident.

_"I'm sorry but I can not give out any information on any patient it is against policy and against patients ri..."_

"I could care less about that shit my friend is there and her bondmate is on my ship. I need to know if she is the one that was in that report we heard." Williams was loosing her patience. She had just listened to an incomplete broadcast saying that her friend may have killed herself. Then she had Liara onboard and she had heard the report as well through her own network and had collapsed and is currently in the Med bay under Chakwas's care. She had woken up but was immediately sedated as she was crying uncontrollably and could not be calmed down. Tranyor was finally able to get outgoing communications up and running and they were currently eight hours from Earth. She was trying anything to get even the smallest amount of information before they got to the hospital.

"Please just give me something...just one thing...a description." Ashley was pleading yet hesitant, not wanting to hear news of Shepard being gone.

_"I'm sorry but I..."_

"Hair, eye color something."

The next statement was just above a whisper. _"She had blonde hair and green eyes."_ and the call ends.

* * *

**Earth: Pre incident,**

"Hey Finch you want to go for a walk?" Her friends asks her. She had been sitting on her bed and was in deep thought and did not hear her two friends enter the room. She had been thinking about all that had been going on, the war, her friends,parents and her fiance Josh Michaels. He was attached to a marine regiment and they were supposed to get married the day the Reapers attacked. They were instantly separated as Josh went to his unit and Rebecca headed back to her ship. She had not heard of his status since that day and was hoping he was alright and just busy helping in the recovery. She had done a search for him when she looked for Shepards crew and came up with nothing. She had been worried about him and even brought him up while speaking to doctor Gallagher. She was hoping for a good outcome but was beginning to lose hope. She had seen how hard Shepard had taken her Asari's death but was trying to put up a good façade for everyone especially herself.

"Becca you alright?" Darian asks again, finally getting her friend to come out of her fog. "We were wondering if you wanted to go for a walk?"

They finally receive a nod and an almost forced smile. Finch gets up and stretches and heads for the door of her room. Brock and Darian had been in their armor since they were both leaving that day to go back to continue with the recovery effort. Not wanting to walk around in it any longer than he had too he decides he could leave his weapons and armor in the room. No one would touch it anyway but he soon realizes both Rebecca and Darian have already walked out without him. He soon catches up and hears the conversation they were having.

"...heard anything about Josh at all?

"No I did a search...actually still running one now just waiting for results... but his name isnt on any list I found. I don't know what that means but I need him here..." Finch was starting to show her emotions and both her friends were worried about her. They knew she was hurting because of her brothers and parents dying and Josh was the only family she has left.

It was great to see Brock and Darian and she was genuinely happy they both survived and could live their lives together but when she heard about the Commander loosing Liara and her search coming up empty she was fearing the worst. Just as Brock was going to say something reassuring to her her omni tool rings letting her know her search has come up with something.

* * *

**Normandy: Post Incident,**

"Doctor is Liara alright?" Williams asks the human doctor. Everyone on board was on edge especially after Vega called for help for the Asari over the ships comm. Everyone had heard that Shepard was alive and most knew of the relationship they had so they were all concerned over the recent medical issues the Asari was having. Chakwas was especially worried over the condition of the baby Liara was carrying.

Liara had regular appointments with Chakwas and both child and mothers health were perfect but now it was a waiting game.

"She is fine Commander Williams but I am worried for the child. When she fell she only cut her head on the corner of the desk but the sedatives I have been giving her may have an adverse affect on the child if I continue to be forced to sedate her... Do you have any new findings on Shepard?"

"No...the broacast was not complete but I contacted the hospital Shepard is in and asked about her...They only gave me a description...saying something about patients rights and privacy...but they described Shepard." Williams can barely look at the Asari on the table. They were just enjoying the news of her survival and would have celebrated the news of the baby but only two people knew about it. Liara had pleaded with Chakwas to keep it a secret saying she wanted to wait until they had a definite status on the Commander.

They were both hesitant at first as far as bringing a baby into this especially since one or both parents could have died but the last meld they did, with the feelings that were surrounding the both of them, it just felt right. So Liara mapped Shepards DNA and a baby was created. The couple, although worried, was excited and could barely keep it quiet. This was Shepard's main reason for making Garus promise to get Liara out of harms way. It was the Commanders decision alone as she knew Liara would not stand idly by and watch her love throw herself at the Reapers alone again. Liara already had to witness Shepard take on a Reaper almost single handily and damn near killed the Commander when they got back to their quarters. Creating a child may not have been the best decision or the right one but when is the best time to have a kid?

Willaims continues." Hey doc since you are her doctor on the ship could you contact them again...maybe make them give you more information about what happened."

Chakwas could hear the desperation in the commanders voice, could see it on her face. She does not want Liara to wake up and have to learn again, that Shepard was gone. The baby was in good health but with the added stress Liara had already been under since crashing the ships doctor was trying to keep everything as calm as possible for Liara.

"Unfortunately I can not do that and before you rip my head off...the reason is I am her doctor on this ship but she is under another doctors care now and even if I could get a hold of them they are under strict orders not to divulge any information about any patient. The fact that they even gave you the small description is surprising considering how strict protocol is. I could tell them I'm Shepard's doctor until I am blue in the face but how would they know I wasn't a reporter trying to wiggle my way in to get the story first. I can try but I doubt it will work as they are dealing with a crisis...Knowing her though I truly doubt Shepard would do that."

"I wouldn't think that either but if she thinks for a minute that she lost Liara and their child and she survived..." Almost in tears now Williams continues. "She told me she wouldn't want to go on without Liara and I'm _sure_ she told her the same...I just fear she thinks we... she didn't make it cause no one has heard from us...hell they haven't even been able to find us with any search I'm sure they were doing...I just sent word to the Alliance fleet that we were close to Earth and headed for Shepard's hospital but I have not received any reply yet. I'm just worried you know... I mean how many Alliance officers are in the same hospital with the same physical description. I know it was only hair and eye color but I don't know anyone like that except Shepard...I hate to say it but I hope she has a twin."

* * *

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**Biotics;**

In the year 2186 they are universally known and have been since we discovered we were not alone in the universe. They are an ability that some have, human, krogan, and asari. The latter being the only race born with it directly. The former races only obtained this ability by being exposed to eezo or element zero and then they needed an implant. Eezo is a precious commodity around the universe as it allows our ships to make jumps through space at the speed of light, untilizing the mass relays that are scattered around our system. It is also apart of other mods that have been invented but it is the main source of biotics.

They are used mainly for defense against attacks like putting up a barrier either on yourself or someone else as well as offensively like a warp which can cause tremendous damage. It can be used for lifting things too heavy to move with physical strength alone. Some individuals are more powerful than others and can control their biotic abilities expertly. Most if not all beings who have biotic abilities are trained at a young age so their control and strength get better with time. Humans don't have the luxury of decades of training that asari do but their training is still some of the best in the galaxy.

For this I am grateful; as a good friend who is a human and also an asari who is a matriarch who is my bondmates father are two of the strongest biotics I know. With their ability they saved my life when I was at my lowest point.

I have been trapped in a stasis bubble numerous times in my life and all by Asari's with a T'Soni surname or related to Liara in some way . The first was on Noveria as we battled Benezia, Liara's mother. She was indoctrinated by Sovereign and trapped me in a stasis field while my crew initially battled her Asari commandos and geth army. It took me a while to get my bearings as I was extremely disoriented after it ended.

The next couple of times were by Liara. I had decided to try and scare her the first time, when she came out of her room in the back of the med bay. Needless to say I never did that again. I ended up floating there for quite a while and I think I was called an adult child quite a few times by Liara and other members of my crew. The rest well, lets just say after Liara and I fell in love after Saren was defeated and our relationship continued over the next few years we learned to use her biotics for more than just a weapon.

The last time was Aethyta who trapped me in one. She had heard the yelling in the room when Miranda and I were talking and came in just as I was going to hurt myself. Miranda had knocked the gun away and the Asari matriarch manged to trap me in a stasis field until I calmed down.

I have been given a longer life but my bondmate is gone. I didn't want to live especially with everything that has happened but my friends are what keep me going. Some old some new but they are here for me and I them and we will make it through together by remembering all of those we fought side by side in battle with, lived with for months on end on the Normandy and those who we loved. The loss is difficult but with the help of my friends we will overcome the pain. It will be difficult to live my life without liara in it but I am a better person since meeting her that faithful day on Therum. She allowed me to see what it is like to allow someone to get close to you. To allow someone in on a personal level; it was something I was always afraid of but when liara expressed her feelings for me and I her that part of me changed and I am honored to have known her. I have been given a fourth chance at life now and will not squander it even without my love.

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* * *

**Earth: Post Incident,**

"Get her sedated now." Miranda yells to a nurse. She is trying to calm down after the incident with Shepard. She had been trying to explain to the Commander all about her own implants and how they gave her a longer life. She made a mistake and she slipped up and mentioned to Shepard that she had the same implants and that is when the Commander broke down. She had been on edge since waking up and this last conversation was all that was needed to push her to her breaking point. Miranda didn't know if Shepard would have hurt herself but didn't want to take that risk so when Aethyta came in and distracted the Commander she knocked the gun away and the Asari was able to act quick enough and put her in a stasis field. After it dissipated they quickly acted and restrained Shepard who at the time was no longer fighting back. They strapped her to a med bed and sedated her.

"What the hell happened in here!?" The Asari Matriarch was quickly in Miranda's face yelling. "I leave for ten seconds and the next thing I know she has a gun, threatening to do what exactly?"

On the verge of having a nervous breakdown Miranda can only stare off at nothing as she is still trying to process what just happened.

"Are you going to answer me or do I have to beat it out of you?"

Snapping out of whatever transe she was in Lawson finally answers. "I'm not sure exactly, one minute we were talking about my surgery and the next she was waving around that gun."

"Just like that...you were talking about your surgery and she decides...oh hey I wanna shoot something...how about you stop bullshitting me and tell me the truth."

Annoyed now Miranda retorts. "Look I don't care who you are but doctor V'ler was right...you come in here after god knows how long, not in her life much less your daughters an demand answers. I understood your reasoning with the doctor melding with Shepard but this is none of your business."

"Actually I think it is since I saved both your assess. She was upset about something and I want to know... now."

Taking a deep breath to try and calm her nerves Miranda walks the Asari out of the room for privacy and explains everything that happened.

"So you decide to tell her about what you did to her...I swear this hospital is filled with fucktards. What is wrong with you how did you think she would react?" Aethyta was beyond pissed. She could not believe what Miranda had told her but even with all that said she could not fathom Shepard trying to hurt herself.

"it was a mistake alright!? Still, I have no idea why she would do that. Liara may be gone but I can't imagine..."

_'Code white in room two twelve.'_

Confused they both ask a nurse running out of Shepard's room. "What is a code white."

"Violent patient!" is all that is said.

"Athames ass another one...everyone is loosing their goddess forsaken minds here."

* * *

**Earth: Post incident;**

Brock and Darian were sitting on the floor in room two twelve trying to comfort each other with what just happened. They had been walking with Finch and were catching up with her, asking about her injuries and what exactly happened when her ship went down. They knew her since boot camp and became good friends. They stayed in touch as much as they could after they got their assignments. Finch was a medic aboard her ship Brock was a marine ground troop and darian was a medic attached to his unit. There was one more friend out of the group who had not shown up yet and it was Josh Michaels another Marine and Rebecca's fiancé. Finch had been running an on going scan for him and her omni tool let her know her search was complete. Finch fell apart when she read the results as her love had been killed, apparently right before the crucible fired.

With everything going on with Shepard no one noticed the signs Finch was displaying. She never really got to mourn her family and with the news of Josh's death the normally happy woman instantly fell apart. Brock had gotten himself cleaned up and left his armor back in the room but Darian had hers on her and Finch being a biotic pushed them both against the wall and took out Darian's carnifax. She walked over to the room and shut the door and a moment later a shot went off.

Both her friends were horrified and could only guess why she hurt herself as she never said a word. One minute they were talking the next they are being slammed into a wall by their friend. Darian didn't have time to react but was sobbing while Brock held onto her after they ran into the room and saw their friend dead on the floor.

Lieutenant Rebecca Finch Alliance officer was a wonderful fun loving person. She made friends wherever she went and that list included Commander Kerry Shepard. Although brief, Finch had been there for the Commander at her lowest point and helped her try and find her crew but anyone who knew her would never think for a minute she would be capable of anything like this but she could no longer stand the thought of being alone. As hard a time Shepard was having, her friends saved her and made sure she knew she is loved and has a reason to live. Unfortunately for Rebecca's friends they had no warning of Josh's death so could not console her in her greatest time of need.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: **Thank you all for all the reviews follow and favs keeps me going. Hope you all enjoy...took me seven times of re writing to get this chapter right

**Chevelle**

**"Shameful Metaphors"**

Fear

It's all the same

Should I evolve

To tend to these sights

Said out loud then said again

If fate's so wrong You'll start to feel light-headed

By my admission, nothing grows

Just a longer list of unsorted laws

So why then

Has all my life made no...sound

And are your eyes closing even now

My life made no...sound...I fear your eyes closing

Revolting man

This sacred chain

Brought down to trial No better man could fail the way

You needed all

Keep close the vein of empty thoughts

The finest river, The ravens tend, All along insisting We're worlds away

So why then has all my life made no sound ...And are your eyes closing even now

My life made no sound I fear your eyes closing

Behold the lost Behold a Band-Aid

Behold the lost Behold a Band-Aid

These shameful metaphors, Fought it through the teeth

Shameful metaphors, Biting at your heels

Shameful metaphors, Fought it cheek to cheek

So why then Has all my life made no sound (These shameful metaphors)

And are your eyes closing even now My life made no sound

(These shameful metaphors) I fear your eyes closing

* * *

_'Why do you think I was doing all of this Liara...continue to do this...fighting the collectors now the reapers...the shadow broker...my own feelings. It was all for you...for us._

_'This may not sound good but you ruined me if only in a good way...I was content with being an alliance soldier a good one...content with being alone but then you came into my life and everything I thought I was fighting for changed...Now I don't care about any of it...the only thing I care about is you and your asking me to choose between us and the alliance. I get we just found each other again...I get it but all of this, to include this mission I am going on now is for you. If the galaxy went to shit tomorrow but I didn't have you in my life i'd be half the person I am now and not want to move. The same way I was when fighting the collectors... half...you didnt want me and I had to be okay with it but as much as that hurt me I knew you were still alive and I had a chance for you to be with me so I pushed myself the same way I am doing now...Not having you by my side on the ship is killing me but I know you have your work just like I have mine.' _

_'All the stupid planet scanning I did...part of it was for us to find a home to live on alone after all this mess is over...and I didn't have you in my life at the time...all the prothean relics and artifacts I collected...the surgery to get rid of my scars so I didn't look like a monster...'_

_You say to me the last part in a shaky voice. I regretted my words as soon as they crossed my lips...asking you not to go... choosing between us and the alliance...getting mad at the fact that the Alliance once again is pulling you away from me but I take it out on you and now I find myself not able to look you in the eye for fear of what I may see...you reach your hand to my chin and lift my gaze to yours. I am ashamed...you are hurt and I did it too you...I am so afraid of loosing you to one of your missions but I never meant to do this. I look away not able to stand what I've done to you... for you to think I could look at you and think you were anything else but beautiful hurts me to my core but I know you fear what Cerberus has done to you and now I fear you will walk out and not want me in your life..._

_'Look at me please' _

_You ask...and I see hurt and tears still but the love in your eyes is ever present and I know you forgave me before I ever said it. You have only been upset with me once yet you understood what I was going through on Illium...Miranda eventually told me how you reacted and that is a pain that will burden me forever...How I could have ever pushed you away before is something I can not fathom. You have made me feel wanted and loved since I have known you yet I am the one who keeps hurting you. In your calm loving voice and that perfect smile you continue. _

_'Listen to me...since I met you I have wanted to do nothing but live...yes I was officially dead but you gave me that chance, us that chance and no one has ever or will ever get that again...I know soul mates is something the Asari may not believe in but humans do and until I met you I didn't believe in anything...now you gave me hope that there is such a thing...and even though I will be gone before you I will be forever yours...So yes I choose us but no I can not stay but I will be back if you allow it.'_

_You snake your arms around me and speak soothingly into my ear to calm me down as I sob into your neck. The words you say to me mean more than anything I have ever heard before and I am grateful. Grateful for you, us and the fact that your promise will always be there just like you. You will comeback to me always._

* * *

" I love you Shepard." Liara whispers as she slowly starts to wake up. Her mind has been replaying this one moment over and over again and she has been fighting to wake up. As strong as their relationship was she hated reliving that memory.

Doctor Chakwas has been monitoring the Asari and her unborn child for the past few hours and refused to give her anything else to sedate her again. She barely hears the Asari speak but knew what she had said. She gets up from her desk and sits next to Liara taking the Asari's hand in hers.

"She will be alright Liara you need to hold out hope. You were the only one to belive she survivived all of this. The only one who did not give up hope...so much so that you convinced me. Like I said to Williams I doubt she would ever do something like that..."

"But what if she thinks we are gone?" Liara interrupts. "What if the Alliace has not been able to track us...Goddess I should have done more..."

"Like what my child? What could you have done to get word out...we had some of the smartest people onboard this ship trying to get our communications working, you included with your own network. We all did what we could and it will be enough. I don't normally promise anything...being a doctor I do not have that luxury but I can promise you Shepard is fine and waiting for you."

Barely able to keep her eyes open from the sedatives the doctor had brought over tea in hope it will get Liara out of her fog. It was not needed as the next sentence woke her up instantly.

" We are almost to Earth and some of our communicatuons are working again so why don't you see if you can..."

"How far away are we?" Liara instantly asks

"A couple of hours I believe...wait Liara please sit...the sedatives are still in your system and you may not be able to walk just yet."

"Karin please I need to send her a message...now."

Noding a little she helps Liara out of the Med room and towards her own office. Liara can only hope she can reach Shepard and let her know they will be together soon.

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_' Shepard...I am pregnant!'_

_ You say to me and I feel as if my heart may burst through my chest at any moment. I am excited yet worried at the same time. I know this is something we agreed upon but I cant help but wonder if it was the right decision. What if one or both of us don't make it. _

_We just finished making love and the emotions we felt were overwhelming. As always I opened myself to you fully and i could feel you do the same. Even though a true joining didn't require physical contact we never waisted the opportunity and this was no different. This time however as we are traveling to Earth the thought crossed both our minds and we both agreed. It was not perfect timing to say the least but it was as if we were being pushed to do it by an outside force and we succumbed to it. Now I just wish there was time for me to lock you up somewhere safe and finish what we started. But I know you and you are as stubborn as I am. You will never leave my side but I must do something. I could not live with myself if something ever happened to you and that statement remains true even more now. With so much at stake for us I will fight to my last breath to make sure you and our child have a future._

* * *

Shepard wakes abruptly and finds herself restrained to a bed. Her breath is labored and her brow is wet from sweating. The dream still fresh in her mind and the guilt that came with her thoughts is tremendous. As she lays in her bed trying to get the image of what her daughter could have looked like out of her mind she hears her door open.

"Shepard are you alright?..You looked like you were having another nightmare."

"I am fine Tali...thank you."

Her quarian friend had been in the hallway and heard Shepard talking in her sleep and decided to finally go into the room. She had been in the hospital and had seen Samara and the look on the Asari's face worried the young Quarian. Tali stopped the justicar to see what had happened and since Samara knew her from the Normandy and knew she was close with Shepard told Tali about the meld and she instantly became concerned for her friend. To have to live without Liara was one thing but to see it replayed in her mind was something no one should have to deal with. Tali hadn't been with them on the ground but from what Shepard had told her how everything had happened so hearing Samara tell this distorted version was concerning to say the least. Tali had started to make her way to Shepards room and as she turned the corner she was nearly blinded by all the Biotic light that was coming from the Commanders room. She immediately ran towards her friend but was stopped by security. After calling him a boshtet and a few more choice words that the Commander would have been proud of she was finally able to go in. But by the time she did Shepard was already sedated. Miranda had filled her in a little as to what had happened but before anyone could react th hospital had another emergency. Tali wasnt sure what had happened but heard Lieutenant Finch was dead. She liked the young human and was concerned as to what had made her hurt herself but was more concerned with Shepard's actions and needed to ask her about it.

"Uh shep...listen if you don't want to talk about what happened before just say so but im worried about you...we all are."

Shepard sits in her bed contemplating what Tali had just said. She did not know if she wants to say something about Liara being pregnant or not. She fears they will be judged. At the very least irresponsible or how Shepard was feeling right at this moment; it was fucking stupid to even consider it. Tali was her friend and would never say something like that but its something Shepard wants to hear so she asks Tali to have Miranda come in as well so she can tell them both, figuring Lawson has never held her feelings back towards anything. Shepard tells her to be quiet about it as she does not want Aethyta to hear any of this conversation. They had just started to talk and Liara's father was actually trying to have a relationship with Shepard and she did not want to ruin it but the Matrarch deserved to know.

Miranda walks in after Tali, her eyes looking down at the floor. It was the first time Shepard had ever seen the ex cerberus operative uncertain about anything but she could not blame her with how she reacted to Miranda's news of a longer life span.

"Thank you Miranda for coming in here...I wanted to apologize to you first about how I reacted and maybe later we can discuss it further but right now I need you both to listen."

She explained the entire thing to her friends. She could barely see the expression on Miranda's face as she was trying to ignore her reaction as much as she could. She may have felt horrible about everything but was hoping they would respect her after and at least show her support. When Shepard finally looks up she sees the two woman in front of her were shocked at the revelation of Liara being pregnant. The commander could tell Tali was crying as she was trying to keep her body from shaking. Miranda could barely keep her own eyes from tearing up. She had become extremely close to the both of them even though the initial meetings between the three woman were less than pleasant. Miranda had found herself doing everything she could to help Liara and Shepard. Now, there was nothing she could do. None of her experience in any cybernetics or any of her science background could help either of them now. Just as she was about say something, what she didn't know the door slowly opens revealing a very horrified Asari Matriarch.

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**Shepard...Please don't let the reports be true...we are alive my love... you can't leave me...not again... My heart can't take it...We all need you, the baby needs you and I need you most of all. We both knew it could all end in an instant but were we truly prepared?..I was not... I will always be yours...You stole my heart the first time I layed eyes on you. I never knew what the feelings in my stomach were, even after talking to Chakwas..I always thought I was sick as it was the one thing I had never felt before...After a time I realized what these feelings were ...It was you... your smell, look, mannerisms, your odd faces you would make, my favorite being when you'd stick your tongue at me when you smiled... when you tried to be funny...Goddess your hair, all my research could never prepare me for how soft it is...your silly way of talking around me...who would have known the savior of the galaxy could act like such a youngling around me. **

**I miss everything about you as you always made me feel wanted. Not just physically but in every way imaginable. You accepted my word and trusted me when no one else did. You made me feel welcome at all times and defended me against anyone who spoke ill of me. Even when I was at my lowest point, you walked through my door and never judged me. As much as you wanted to scream as I saw it in your eyes as your beautiful deep green eyes could never lie to me, you pushed your feelings aside and helped me. I can never repay you for what you've done for me, even though I know you would not accept it. But all I ask is you will be in my life once again. I don't know what else to say as words can not express what you are to me, lover, protector...the one being that kept me going... you returned your feelings for me and let me in and I am forever grateful for that but I need to see you now. I can only hope this gets to you as I am sending this to all that know you, that are not on the Normandy...I am close my love and I can only ask the Goddess above that you are alright... Your love always Liara.**

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Liara sat at her terminal staring at the words she had just written. She is having a hard time sending her message as she knew her questions could be answered and her love would be gone but if Shepard was alive would the words she wrote be enough to convey how she truly felt. She had been up for a while after Chakwas refused to sedate her again. Instead she held the young Asari as she cried for what seemed like an eternity when they got back to Liara's room. The human doctor accepted any emotion Liara threw at her, whether it was sadness or rage. Chakwas let the hurting Asari open up on her, similar to how Shepard had done a few times before. Only now Shepard was the cause of this emotional outburst and the human doctor was faring no better as her own eyes were red and puffy from crying.

Chakwas had never let anyone get close to her, since being on a ship meant you mainly saw the same people, especially a ship with Commander Shepard on it who called herself 'accident prone'. And she had to keep her distance but between Shepard and Liara the two of them were in the Med Bay more than any other patients Chakwas had ever had. It was mainly Shepard being injured and Liara being there with her. Liara was normally calm while the doctor was working on her love but Chakwas knew as soon as she left, Liara let all her emotions out. It took a toll on the Asari seeing Shepard hurt on a regular basis but it took one time for Liara to get injured on a mission to make Shepard realize what she had been putting her through. It was after Thessia and Shepard had tried to persuade her to stay on board the ship and help the Asari people regroup and find safety but the mission was against Cerberus and Liara was furious with them. She ended up getting wounded by a sniper, loosing a lot of blood and flat lined on the shuttle ride back to the Normandy. It had been the first time Chakwas had ever seen Shepard lose her composure and the last time Shepard acted recklessly.

Chakwas found herself caring for both of them more than just as patients especially Liara when she first came on board the original Normandy but when it came down to it she could distance herself when tending to either of them. Now though she was not needed as a doctor she was needed as a friend, even a mother figure. She had adopted the both of them as she never had her own kids. Even though Shepard was as much of child as anyone could handle Chakwas felt it was her duty to watch out for her since she had no family and Liara was the same.

The entire ship was quiet even with the crew busy doing their tasks. It was if the Normandy was an egg-shell and one wrong move would crack her hull. No one wanted to admit that Shepard was gone, they had just heard she was alive and recovering and the next information to come from Earth that something horrible had happened. It was too much for anyone to think about directly so they busied themselves with anything to take their minds off of the current situation, all but Liara. She was deep in thought and as much as everyone wanted to be there and comfort her they knew to keep their distance for now. They new Chakwas was comforting Liara as much as she could.

"Liara you should send this message...Im sure she is waiting to hear you are safe...and will be thrilled to say the least when she reads this. If you are having difficulty sending this because, as you said, think it wont show her exactly how you feel... she already knows and you have your meld to show her." The doctor smiles a little at the last part of her sentence as she sees Liara blush a little.

"Did Ashley get any information when she contacted Earth or the Alliance?"

Chakwas was taken back by the question and didnt want to answer it. The hospital only gave a small description yet she didn't want to lie to Liara, she deserved to know.

"How did you...nevermind I don't want to know...but to answer your question...yes they gave a small amount of information and..." She could see the emotional conflict on Liara's face but knew she wanted to know. Chakwas spoke her next words quickly "They gave hair and eye color only and it was a match but we don't no anything for certain..." She was startled by Liara's reaction as her biotics lit up the entire room as she began smashing all her monitors in the office.

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"You want to say that one more time slowly...I don't think I heard you right?"

"Aethyta look...I was going to tell you...I just didn't know..."

"When the right time was?" Aethyta finishes the sentence. She was angry but once again could not bring herself to hate the human woman in front of her...everything about her actions started to make sense to the Matriarch. "Listen I brought a bottle of the good stuff...saw how much you liked ryncol on illium and figured we all could use it."

Turning to Miranda and Tali she asks if they wanted some, receiving nods from the both of them. Shepard was surprised to see Tali start to removed her mask but didnt try and stop her. She had an idea of what she looked like but was not prepared for the image she saw, no one was. She was almost humanlike except for her eyes and they all found themselves a little shocked with how pretty the quaian looked.

Tali starts to feel a little self conscious so she says. "I dont care about getting sick we are drinking to friends of ours."

Shepard notices Miranda smile a little then shake her head as the smile fades. "Whats up Miranda you okay?"

Miranda takes a deep breath and tells her about Finch. Her friend Brock had filled Lawson in on right before leaving to go back to his marine unit. Neither one of Finches friends wanted to stay any longer than needed so after he identified Rebecca's body they were on the next shuttle out of the area. Shepard was upset to here of the young womans passing but understood the fact that she was hurting, loosing every family member and her love in a short amount of time, Shepard knew what it felt like. She didn't know her all that well but she seemed like a good person and wanted to celebrate her life and not dwell on her passing. She could not carry anymore guilt than she already had and even though the news of Finch's death hurt she was grateful to have met the young woman.

"I think we need another bottle Aethyta...we have a lot to drink to today...and can we get these retraints off before so I can drink." Shepards says. She knew she needed to talk some more to doctor gallagher about everything that had happened and she was going to be forced to stay in the hospital longer after her last outburst but she wasn't looking toward to leaving. As much as she hated being in her room she had nothing left and was scared at what her future held. She was supposed to have a family waiting for her. She was even able to find an Asari planet they could live on in peace but now what did she have. Sure her friends were there and Aethyta seemed to want to be in her life, it would never be the same.

"To friends and loved ones lost." Shepard raises her glass and downs the shot in one gulp. She smiles when she looks at Tali and miranda as they cough from the roughness of the Krogan liquid. It was like spikes of flames going down your throat but it made you forget, quickly. Shepard barely had enough time to look at Aethyta and her glass was full. She was grateful for the people she had in front of her to lean on when times got tough and the ryncol would take care of the rest. She finishes off her second drink, asking for a third when the door opens. The nurse who had been assigned to her from the beginning walks through and gives everyone a annoyed look.

"I see you are awake ...and enjoying yourself." The nurse says. Shepard knew she needed to apologize to half the hospital for her actions over the past few days and this person In particular was first. Before the commander could say anything g the nurse speaks again.

"Well...since your up and apparently can be without your restraints you are scheduled for therapy ...now."

"You are kidding me right? I don't think I can stand much less do physical therapy. Miranda tell her I don't need it anyway." the commander was pouting and didn't want to move from her bed.

"Sorry shep I have no control over this...it's doctors orders."

"You all suck you know that? Fine I'll be back I guess. Wheres my chair?"

"You have to walk commander, your little outburst destroyed your chair and we don't have enough... So you have to walk, besides you just said you didn't need therapy anymore so a walk wont kill you." The nurses words were I oozing with sarcasm and her normal demeanor gone and according to Miranda had become quite bitchy. she starts to take Shepard by the arm to lead her to the PT room when Aethyta walks over and pushes her way past the nurse.

"I will bring her down...we need to talk anyway." The Asari needs to ask Shepard some questions before she becomes to inebriated and figures this was the perfect opportunity.

"Listen kid I need to ask you..."

"I'm sorry...Aethyta...you deserve to know and I was going to tell you but not in front of people...not like that." Shepard quickly interrupts. This was one person she did not want to upset. They had just become civil to one another and the Asari was the closest thing Shepard had to a family.

"Shepard I'm not looking for an apology and I'm not going to question your decisions...I wanted to know what that vision was we saw earlier and if you had ever seen it before?"

"No never...have no idea where we were or what happened. And I've never had a vision like that...not sure where any of that came from. But as far as an appology I do...for all of it. I always thought id be able to make my parents proud but they cant see all that ive acomplsihed. To see them again in my vision horrified me and then Anderson..."

Her words trail off as she had not yet been able to mourn her friend. He had been like a father too her...rescued her from her home after the Batarians attacked and looked out for her personnally for the next couple of years until she made the decision to join the Alliance. He had been with her at her worst and at ehr best when she graduated the N7 academy. He had even told her he would give her away at her wedding if someone was crazy enough to marry her.

Aethyta was never used to being emotional and from what she had known of the commander didnt think she was either but apparently it all changed after Liara and her found each other. The little Liara told her father about Shepard she seemed to keep everything bottled up unless they were alone. It was only then that Shepard would allow herself to open up fully. Now though it seemed it didnt matter as the once guarded Commander was letting all her past and presant pain out. Aethyta was unucomfortable with the current situations she foundherself iin but knew Liara and Benezia would kick her ass if Awthyta walked away. So she pulled her into a unocupied rooom and sat down.

"I dont know how much of the meld was true but I can only hope I was with him in the end." Shepard spoke as she stares off in the distance as Aethyta remains quiet. "He wanted to giove me away at our wedding...Did you see her? Benezia...did you see her in the meld?"

Aethyta gave her a confsed look...she had only seen Liara and wass starting to wonder if taking the retraints off and giving Shepard alchol was a good idea.

"In the vision...right before I woke up Liara changed to her mother...It was a split seccond and I looked for you but you were both gone...That is what I mean by being sorry for all of it. Liara never blamed me but I did. She wathced her mother die right in front of her kinda like I did."

Shepard starts to tell the Asari all about her family being murdered in front of her as the tears stream down her face. She couldnt help it, all the years keeping it bottled up came out like a flood. She had talked with Liara about it and even showed her in a meld a glimpse of what had happened but never truly spoke of it and Liara understood even if she wanted her to open up more about it yet never pushed. Now it was falling out of her mouth and SHepard found herself not cairing who heard as it was relieving some of her pent up frustration.

Aethyta knew very little about her past and as the story continues she began to wonder how Shepard remained sain at all. She had been through some of the worst experiences anyone probably could have been through as a child and it continued throughout her short lifetime. Being the victim of her own parents dying was something Aethyta had seen but that was years ago and she had time to grieve. She had lost Benezia and Liara within a short amount of time as well. She loved them both but was far from being in their lives the way Shepard seemed to be. Still in all it seems they both need each other and with any luck they would be there for each other so they can recover from all of this soon.

"I guess I just want to know when it is my turn...when do I get what I want? Sorry ive dumped a lot of shit on you at once."

Smiling a little Aethyta says. "It's okay from the sound of it you needed to do that a long time ago...but to answer your question no I never saw Nezzy in the meld. Why you did is beyond me. Come on we better get going before that nurse gets pissy again...man someone needs to bend her over and f..."

"Alright...I get it you think she is uptight or something but your right I already pissed her off enough and need to talk to her so lets go."

"Before we do I need to ask you something...since Ive been here you have done nothing but appologize to everyone...why? Why do you feel the need to do that...you saved all our worthelss asses and lost a lot of people who meant everything to you...you have nothing to appologize for ever...so stop. If you took your anger out on your doctor or nurse or even a frined so be it...because your right you deserve everything and this galxy has sucked you up used you and spit you back out with nothing left...you deserve more so did Liara...you deserved each other...now lets get out of here, this ryncoll is making me soft and you softer."

She smiles towards Shepard and recives one in return. They make there way towards the therapy room who were waiting there for her. The therapist could tell Shepard was in no mood to do anything and from the smell emanatig off of her could tell she was in no condition to either. She makes some coffee and they all sit and take a moment to finally relax.

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"Liara you must calm down now! This is not helping you or the baby.I do not want to sedate you again but if you continue I will."

Doctor Chakwas demands of Liara. She had destroyed her entire office in a matter of a few minutes and had made an atttempt to go out into the rest of the ship. Chakwas new Liara was hurting from the news she just recievd and the ships doctor had let her go without interference but she soon realized that this might not be best option as she was indeed pregnant and her emotions were out of control. She could not blame her but if it went on any longer someone may get hurt. She didt know if her being demanding was the best approach as it sometimes worked when she had delt with Shepard but it was nessesary. Everyone could be in danger if Liara continued, as strong as liara was with her biotics it seemed the pregnancy made her that much stronger.

Liara turns toward the doctor, her biotics still glowing around her, face etched in anger. She had heard enough from everyone and when the doctor had spoke she was ready to unleash everything she had left. But the concern on the humans face was all she needed to realize none of this was helping, none of her emotional outburst would bring her love back to her again.

She looks around her office and realizes what she had done. Everything g was destroyed except one small frame sitting face down on the bed. She slowly turns it over and as she does let's out a sigh of relief as the hologrqphic image appears.

It was of her and Shepard after they found the leviathan. She remembers asking her love if she should be jealous because Shepard was once again saving a helpless woman from a dig site. And telling her no one else is to be in her mind with tentacles.

The commander had pulled her onto the bed and said she was the only person in the galaxy she would willingly let into her mind and not to worry because she had already saved the one girl from a dig site she wanted in her life and it would only happen again if they we're roll playing. Liara closed her eyes and smiles at the thought, it was some of the few normal moments they had and took every opportunity at normal they could. Now it was all she had left, memories of the precious moments they had together. The picture was of them smiling at each other as their foreheads were touching. There were other pictures of the couple but liara could not bear to look at anymore. Instead she hugged the frame to her heart and curled up on the bed. She didn't think she had anymore tears left but as one memory left another took its place and she found herself physically and emotionally drained. She hears the door to her office open as Chamwas starts to leave.

"Can you please let Williams know I will be taking a shuttle to thesia as soon as we land."

"Liara we..."

"Thank you doctor...for everything."

Liara was not going to set foot on Earth as it was the last time she had seen her love alive and could not stand the thought of having to see her lover dead again. She would request Shepard's remains to be delivered to Thesia and have her buried next to her mother. Since she is forced to raise their daughter alone she figures to have the father as close as possible. It would be the least the Alliance could do for the both of them.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Once again thanks to all who followed fav'd reviewed...All I have to say to all you great people out there giving me feedback you make me beam as I never thought I would get close to the following I have with this story...I hope this answers your question metaladdict if not you know what to do... And hmenley thanks for the idea hope I did it okay...oh one more thing sorry for all the typos In last chapter have to fire my beta...oh wait that's me...Nevermind ...Enjoy**

**Taproot**

**"We Don't Belong Here"**

She's standing by her lonesome

In this dead end empty space

The heavens cry upon her and wash our sins away~

We are gathered together~...

To say that we remember~...

If she could only know that, right now she's not alone, with you on her left and me on her right, she guides us into the light

We are gathered together (her, you and I today)

To say that we remember

We don't belong here...We don't belong here...We don't belong here

We are gathered together~ (her, you and I today)

To say that we remember~ (last goodbye we say)

Bury the sunset deep horizon, 6 feet separate

But I wanna go and you wanna stay just as a voice we hear her say

"You don't belong here"

* * *

Earth:

Two medical staff members wait in the secure room set up in the hospital for their in coming call. As the vid comm alerts them to the expected vid chat they were about to have they quickly make sure the line they were going to be on was secure.

_"Status report...?"_

"We are a little behind schedule...with the death of Finch and doctor V'ler failing to get the information we need we will have to utilize the treatment doctor Gallagher has suggested. We need to make sure that Finch's death does not come back on us."

_" I am not happy about them failing..."_

"Look...they were expendable and we both knew the risks involved. You were blackmailing an alliance soldier and an Asari commando who deliberately came here to help Shepard..."

"And all the supposed leverage we had against them vanished...it was stupid of us to think for one second that we could use Finch as our in when her fiancé was already dead...and even though we have doctor V'Ler's family she blew her chance at getting the information we need after that Matriarch bitch caught her. Now the Normandy is almost here and if the Asari is alive and on that ship we will have nothing..."

"That is why we scrambled all in coming messages and it also why we intercepted all outgoing so no one even knows where they are... our operative onboard scrambled that galactic broadcast so it seemed Shepard was gone so Finch's death helped us. Our operative was hoping that it would delay their arrival here, she tried other delay tactics but she did not want to get caught.

"Unfortunately the spectre aboard the ship was able to contact the hospital directly through another link we were not aware of but was given no direct information. She then tried contacting admiral Hackett but it was intercepted ...we have some time and you just need to get Admiral Hackett believing Shepard needs the treatment and when the Asari gets here and she won't cooperate, we simply use her as leverage against Shepard... and as far as Finch who knew she was as skilled as she was at hacking into the Alliance database?"

_"We still need to get a hold of Miranda Lawson. We need all the information her and her sister have on the procedure they did to Shepard as well as what is in the Commanders mind. She is the only one who saw how the crucible worked."_

"Do you honestly think you can harness the crucibles power...recreat it? It was nearly destroyed completely after it went off..."

_"It can be fixed and we will have that power...we have people in place since the repairs started on the citadel and they will be ready...The illusive man was a fool to think he could control the Reapers and that they were the real power. He had a chance to take control of the most powerful weapon ever created but he was so caught up in harnessing and controlling the Reapers he lost sight of everything. The crucible wiped out a race of beings that had been around for eons and he wasted it...He should have never been allowed to keep control of Cerberus, wasting billions of credits on that bitch for what, she destroyed the collector base and we lost all that vital information...I have that honor now and even though our forces are dwindled we will rise up again and with that weapon every alien in the galaxy will tremble...not even the great commander Shepard will be able to stop this..."_

"Well it also helps you turning her into a vegetable after your done with her...doctor. We continue as planned no matter what happens and we will be succesful we just need to have faith. When will you be here from London doctor?"

_"I have my other patients to take care of, then I will be there..."_

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"What do you mean Liara isn't going to the hospital?" Williams asks to Chakwas. As soon as the ships doctor left Liara's room she headed straight to find the lieutenant commander. She was hoping if they all came together they could convince her to go with them...they were moments away from landing at the closest alliance base that was still standing...it had been the main head quarters in Vancouver before the reapers hit and was one of the first places rebuilt but the crew would have to take a shuttle form the base down to new york. Williams only hoped with everyone pleading with the Asari she would listen.

"All I know is Liara sent me to give you this message and from what I just witnessed of her biotic outburst I would say confronting her on the issue would be the wrong choice. She believes Shepard is gone...after that scrambled message and me telling her what the hospital said, I believe she has lost all hope. We can try and persuade her but it is doubtful."

"I don't know how much help I can be. I'm sure I have a ton of debriefs to do, I can push most of it off but I think you need to round up Garus and vega maybe try to get Cortez and see what you can do. If she leaves and Shepard's alright... Just convince her."

'Ten minutes till we land commander. Oh yeah and should I contact any hotels in the area..."

"Joker don't finish that sentence..." Ashley says not wanting to hear any of his perverted jokes at the moment

"What?..all I was thinking is the hospital might need to move all the patients seeing those two will be going at it like jack rabbits...oww...hey easy I'm brittle!"

"And apparently deaf!"

"Might I suggest waiting till after we see if Shepard is okay before making jokes, jeff." Chakwas says shaking her head at the pilot.

"Come on doc you know her better than anyone...maybe not Liara but still you know she wouldn't do that right." Joker says hoping his words were true.

"Let's worry about landing first joker."

"Aye aye ma'am"

All three can only watch in silence as what is left of earth comes into view. Even after months of rebuilding most of what they saw was rubble. The one area that stood out though was the base they were headed too.

It was a massive base and could hold well over two hundred thousand people and since a place that size was needed for all the displaced survivors of the war, repairing it was first priority. Most of the buildings had been completely leveled so tent city was built as a temporary shelter.

Areas like this we're put up all over Earth as they were in desperate need of space able to handle all surviving humans as well as any aliens that were stranded in the sol system at that time. The tents eventually made way for smaller more stable structures. With the cold weather coming it was feared people would start to freeze to death. The main concerns directly after the war were supplies, mainly medical. With the amount of dead bodies strewn everywhere it was feared that diseases would spread quickly. What made it worse is the diseases that had started to spread hadn't been heard of since the nineteenth century.

Eventually all the dead reaper husks were cleaned up and there remains incinerated. It was unfortunate but no world would know the exact number of dead and most loved ones would be without any kind of closure.

* * *

The Normandy landed and received a heroes welcome. Everyone was thrilled to see the lone ship that carried Shepard and were all anxious to just get a glimpse of the ship even though she wasn't on it. Most of the people who were there were civilians and had only heard bits and pieces as far as what happened to the ship and it's crew but knowing that this was the ship that saved them, it gave them all hope.

Only one person on the entire base had given up and she was in the process of going to her home world. She was grateful for the people she met along the way and all the words of encouragement they expressed to her about going to the hospital. It filled her heart with warmth knowing her and Shepard had such great friends but even with all that was said to her, Liara could not bring herself to attempt to go. Since Chakwas told her the description of the dead alliance soldier she had been brought back to one of the worst moments in her life, seeing her love in the cryogenic coffin right before Miranda took her more than two years prior.

Liara was trembling when she opened the coffin and seeing her lovers remains left a scar on her heart that she would never get over. Seeing Shepard alive on illium after two years gave her some reprieve from the countless sleepless nights and her throwing herself into her work during the day but the damage was too severe to get over. Even when they kissed and Liara knew her beloved was back and wanted her, the pain of seeing Shepard dead was all she could see in her mind and she pushed Shepard away.

Time heals all wounds is what kerry had told her. At the time they were chasing saren and the commander was referring to her families death while she was trying to comfort Liara after benezias death . But now there was a chance she would see her love once again and she would feel her touch, see her beautiful smile and eyes. Feel her body against hers, just to able to hold her again and as much as Liara had a glimmer of hope Shepard would be waiting for her with open arms that horrendous memory would come back full force, shaking the Asari, creating a void she thought was lost long ago. It was lost when they rekindled their relationship after the shadow broker when all Liara's doubts disappeared with one simple promise of always coming back.

For Liara to even ask for such a thing from her love was beyond ridiculous but Shepard had said it and made sure she came back from whatever mission she was on to include defeating the reapers. But the one thing Liara knew Shepard could not live with is knowing Liara and now their child could be gone and Liara would carry that guilt until her last breath, knowing she could have tried harder to reach Shepard...then there was the fact that she destroyed all her shadow broker equipment before she was able to send her message. Still though liara felt is was too late, Shepard had thought they were both gone and could not stand the fact of being alone and blamed herself for getting her family killed.

Liara knew how Shepard thought and as strong as she was on the outside she was extremely fragile and Liara was the only one to ever see that side of her. Between her parents dying then her entire squad on akuze by the time her and liara got together Shepard had already been through so much Liara doubted she could help. Little by little she was able to chip away at her barriers until Shepard's spirit was lifted to a level she never thought she could reach and it was all thanks to Liara. Sure she would still get upset about her past but it stopped having the effect on her it usually did. Then she was in a coma for almost two years and everything she thought she knew had changed and it brought all the horrors of her past back in full and Liara was not there to help and she fell into a deep depression.

These are the thoughts that have taken over the devastated Asari's mind. She can't help it, every time that spark of hope starts to come back it is quickly erased by that single moment. A moment liara can not let go of...seeing her beloved Kerry Shepard lying motionless, wanting desperately to touch her, fearing her lovers body may crumble to dust if she does and there would be no chance of Miranda bringing her back.

liara was sitting alone in a room waiting for the transport to arrive. There was a ship leaving for thesia bringing supplies. She had enough time to try and find Admiral Hackett and ask him to send Shepard's remains to thesia but the admiral was unavailable at the time so Liara waits. She is deep in thought and doesn't hear the door open, Garus slowly walking in.

"Liara can I sit?" He receives a small nod and can't help notice the pain he sees in the eyes of the Asari sitting across from him. He had seen it before at Shepard's funeral. He had hoped never to have to see it again but Liara had been the only one to believe Shepard was alive and was right. Now it was all gone, the joy she had, the smile she wore after the news of Shepard's survival just a day ago gone, she is a shell of what she once was and Garus needed to be there for her, he had a promise to keep to an old friend.

"I'm not going to try and convince you to go but I am not leaving your side..."

"Garus as much as I appreciate it you have your own family to attend to..."

"It can wait...you can't. If you don't want to go fine but don't leave yet. Just wait until they can ..."

"I can't stay here ...not now."

"And if she is alive... What then?"

"If you want to sit here with me until I leave that is fine but I am finished discussing the matter any further." Tears streaming down her face. She could hardly believe her own words that she had given up and wanted to leave but it was all too much.

Lowering his head he lets out a sigh of frustration and continues.

"Liara I know your hurting...but they are leaving now to go up there..."

"I can't!..please...I need...can you please get me some water..." All she wants is to be left alone with her thoughts. It wasnt the best thing for her but it didn't matter. The quicker the shuttle left the quicker she could leave all of it behind. All the memories good and bad, everything that reminded her of Shepard. She knew thesia wouldn't be any better as it already started to remind her of the time her and her love spent in Liaras childhood home. But it was the only thought she had that made sense.

Slowly Garus stands up and walks out saying he would be back in a minute. A moment later she hears the door open but instead of Garus two alliance soldiers walk in. Initially they made no eye contact with the Asari, they just sat across from each other barely speaking above a whisper.

Liara hadn't paid any attention to them until out of the corner of her eye she sees one of them stand and walk towards her. Liara figures it's someone else thanking her as they were all approached after disembarking the Normandy by what seemed like thousands of people each thanking them, military and civilian alike. Liara closes her eyes to meditate but she was always taught not to be rude.

"Excuse me...sorry to bother you. I just wanted to make sure you are okay...are you waiting for someone?"

Liara can only shake her head and sigh. She is trying to fight back her tears but the woman sitting in front of her saw right through it.

"Hey im sorry...I didnt mean to pry but you look like you needed some help."

"I am quite alright I assure you...I am just waiting for my shuttle." Liara answers flatly.

"Babe leave her alone...she obviously doesn't want to talk." The man says walking up to the both of them. He was huge and Liara could barely see past him once he was at there table. "Wow you look familiar...you ever been to New York?"

Shaking her head no, Liara was glad the two of them didn't recognize her. There were countless people congratulating all of them and she had enough praise to last two Asari lifetimes.

"Oh shut it...I just wanted to see if she was alright...she looks like she just got some bad news and we have had our fill. Sorry to bother you, though you do look like that Asari doctor. We just lost our friend recently and it sucks... The big guy helped me through it so I guess I wanted to return the favor...sorry I will leave you alone."

"No it's quite alright...thank you and yes I...I have..."

"Hey its alright to talk about it...ya know let it out...we've been doing it...talking about her, how she thought she was soooo funny...I'm just glad we got a pic of her smiling...You want to see?"

Liara could not help but smile at the odd human woman in front of her. She didn't fit the mold she knew of when it came to an alliance marine but neither did Shepard.

"Alright." Liara is trying to smile and this conversation is slowly taking her mind off of everything

"Actually you may recognize the woman she is with...kinda famous...weird how much they look alike though..."

"Darian?"

"Well at least Finch is at peace and..."

"DARIAN!" Brock yells finally getting her attention. After she turns to yell at him she sees him motion back at Liara. They both turn to see Liara grabbing at darians omni trying to hold it together.

"Goddess... when did you take this?!"

"Right... when we got to the hospital, it's crazy our friend having Commander Shepard as her roommate I never would have thought..."

"Holy shit babe that's her... the Asari Finch had us do a search for...your Liara right?" Smiling now he extends his hand to the visibly shaking Asari. "Its an honor..."

Barely able to speak she grabs the mans hand and shakes it, wanting so much to ask but unable to for fear that her nightmare will come true but Darian speaks up first.

"Aren't you going to see her she's been searching for you...she thought you were..."

"Shes alive?" Liara manages to ask.

"Yes she is...she was sedated after she nearly took out half the hospital but last thing we knew she was...we just left this morning..."

* * *

X

X

X

X

* * *

"Doctor Gallagher you wanted to see me?"

"Yes admiral I have been going over Shepard's latest scans and I believe what I proposed to you before will work. Unfortunately I think we have exhausted all options and the commander needs to start this treatment as soon as possible. If we wait her mind may deteriorate to a unreperable state and it may shut down completely."

"Doctor I have known that woman for a long time and I can't imagine what she is going through. I would think this would not be our last option considering she just woke up but if you think this is the last possible treatment that will work then by all means get it done. I just have one request that she be able to leave the hospital soon...I know she wants to start a search for the Normandy."

"It is the only thing I can think of that will work for her. In my twenty years in this field I have never seen such a case. As far as your other request, Admiral as much as I'd like to allow that I do not believe it is the best course of action. She needs to start this as soon as possible."

"Doctor I know you are not under my command and even if you were I couldn't supersede your medical opinion but I am asking as favor to me and to yourself because I am sure Shepard is going to ignore you."

Inside the doctor was seething, she was running out of time and needed the information Shepard possessed. She had been approached by Cerberus years ago and after she was recruited she was put in charge of overseeing any and all alliance patients that had brain trauma. She was to focus on the effects of a drug Cerberus created that would not only fix the trauma but made it easier to control their minds, making them indoctrinated. Slowly she would start to test it on patients that had not had any brain injury and see what the effects would be , she had perfected the syrum and was anxiously waiting her next assignment from the illusive man when the reapers attacked. She was them moved to her current hospital when the call came in that Shepard would be her new patient. Trying to keep her composure she smiles at the admiral and nods giving her approval. She did not like it at all but she had to have faith in her own plan. Even if Shepard was no longer in the hospital she could still make it mandatory for the commander to come back for regular appointments. The doctor would have to be patient a little longer but she knew it would pay off.

X

X

X

X

* * *

"..it proves my point that humans are weird." Tali finishes. "Why would you think it was a good idea to tell everyone on board, Liara got you pregnant...she was already having a horrible time getting used to everyone when she first got on the ship and you say that...like I said weird."

Shepard had a huge smile on her face while thinking about that time, the four of them had moved from Shepard's room and continued their private party in the physical therapy room. The therapist in charge had long since given up and trying to keep them all quiet and let them blow off some steam. He even joined in having a shot after his last patient. He figures everyone needs some R&R and Shepard was no different. They had spent the past hour or so talking about all the jokes Shepard would play, mainly at the expense of Liara. She took in stride with some of them...others, not so much as Shepard found herself on the couch a few nights. It's the first time in a while she truly felt like her normal playful self but she knew it wasn't going to be easy.

"So you and Liara do a meld to see whatever you had floating around in your brain and how did that lead to you getting pregnant?" Aethyta asks still a little tipsy from the ryncol.

"No, after the meld we talked and she explained more in depth how it worked and I got the idea to have a little fun."

"I see...well i'm done. Shepard as much as this has been a blast I need sleep...Ms. Lawson would you care to join..."

"Stop right now...no absolutly not...hell no...Aethyta you go one way Miranda you go the other...nope not even funny."

"Dammit Shepard that's twice in less than a day, stay the hell..."

"What Aethyta?..What were you going to say?...That I should stay out of your sex life, not when it comes to friends of mine...mama Miranda, hell no ...

"I'm sitting right here." Miranda says blushing a little.

"Yeah I get that Lawson, shush, there is no way that is happening."

"Still sitting here Shepard and I'm perfectly capable of choosing..."

"No your not...what are you guys looking at?"

"Shepard!"

Turning around, Shepard nearly falls over at what she see's...not able to believe who is standing in front of her...she feels hands on her shoulders and she starts to turn around but can't. It's the one thing she has wanted to see since she woke up and she is having a hard time concentrating on anything else but her blue angel standing in the doorway. Not knowing if it was real or not, be it her imagination playing tricks or the ryncoll she finds herslef hesitant as the last time she thought she saw her it ended up being another Asari violating her mind. Suddenly the hands on her shoulders squeeze a little and she is pulled from her fog. She see's those eyes and in an instant knows it her. The memory came rushing back to her, getting Liara onboard the Normandy so she could make sure someone got out of that hell alive. The reason she fought so hard over the past few years was standing in front of her and she found her feet not able to move until Miranda leans in and tells her its real to go to her girl.

"Liara!"


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: I think I get it...so I write the other chapters and I get the reviews calling me mean...evil, sadistic, and more uses of the word fuck than Ive heard before (maybe not but close) but then I write the last one and I get praised...okay I get it... Maybe... Word of warning you may get cavities/ diabetes with this chapter... I have a new word I created a while ago for when I was writing a chapter like this...

FLUT...youve been warned...

Never wrote anything like this so hoping I did alright. Also I asked a few of you about what song I could put up on here that may fit the chapter. Thanks for all the feedback but I decided to go with one I already knew the lyrics to but the ones suggested will def be in chapters a little futher on or next story...I do suggest watching the official video on youtube...and no the song doesn't have anything to do with meat...well maybe...Enjoy

* * *

**Deftones**

**"You've Seen The Butcher"**

Don't wanna take it slow,

I wanna take you home,

And watch the world explode,

From underneath your glow,

I wanna watch the way~

You creep across my skull~

You slowly enter,

Cause you know my room,

And then crawl your knees off,

Before you shake my tomb...

I wanna watch you close,

I need to see for sure,

And then the tape is on,

Who do you think we can show?

I wanna watch the way~ You creep across my skull~

You slowly enter... Cause you know my room... And then crawl your knees off ...And then you shake my tomb

You enter slowly,

You know my room,

You crawl your knees off,

And then you shake my tomb.

* * *

"I will not be a part of this, you ask too much from Shepard, from us! She has saved you all from the Reapers, she needs to be with her loved ones, not torn away kept in isolation for your experiment. That she _may_ come around...as you so put it. Shepard is leaving and that is the end of this discussion."

"I understand your hesitation doctor but Shepard is suffering from severe head trauma..."

"You understand nothing...she has been through enough for all of our lifetimes and she is not to be used as a lab rodent...So that you may see if your experiment works, doctor"

The last words oozing with contempt. The Asari doctor could not believe what she was hearing

"This will not be done, her mind is too fragile and being alone is NOT the answer. She will never forgive us, me for letting this happen and I will not allow it."

Admiral Hackett lets out a small sigh. He was trying to think of anything to say to both of the doctors in the room to come to some sort of an agreement. He knew this might not be the best way for Shepard to cope with the memory loss but they were running out of options.

"And Admiral how is it that in all the years you have known her, all the missions you have had her go on for you and the Alliance, succeeding in every one of them, can you sit there and tell ME that isolation is the best course of action. When being alone is all she has ever known...Mindor, Saren, the collectors, the reapers the alpha relay!" Her voice getting louder with each example.

"You all turned your back on her when all she did was fight for you, died for you."

Tears starting to fall lowering her head, her voice becoming almost a little more than a whisper.

"It's all she has ever known...is to fight for someone, everyone and once again she is being pushed away into a life of solitude until the galaxy needs her again, no." Shaking her head at the last word...

"I even turned her away when she was at her lowest point and I will never forgive myself for that." Her voice cracking with the last sentence her eyes looking down at her hands in her lap, nervously rubbing them together. The Asari doctor composes herself while she wipes the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand looks up and continues

"But there is one thing she will always do and that is to protect the ones she cares for most until her last breath and now that is what I will do for her. I will never give up hope no matter how bad it gets, my resolve will never falter. I will devote my entire life to getting her the proper care she needs and not some senseless attempt at a cure that you are proposing."

"Doctor please…" Admiral Hackett begins… "All we want to do is help her and this may be the only thing that will work. All the treatment doctor Gallagher has tried since Shepard has been here has not worked. She has continued to lose her memories starting with crucible and the doctors here feel her mind will continue to deteriorate until she has nothing left to remember.

Dr Gallagher continues. "We have no idea why this is happening to her and we have no idea what memories she is losing. It seems only when she is alone, does she start to remember what happened and th...

"So why when she saw me did she remember everything." Frustration and anger coming out with each word, tears continuing. "She remembered everything that happened with me and the crew. Everything you have mentioned to me that she has apparently been forgetting, Shepard was able to recount it all. She told me all her memories came back to her once she saw us. So why would this idea, your idea work?!And why should I care about what happened on the crucible, all I know is she kept her promise."

Dr gallagher slowly stands up realizing she had hit a nerve with the other woman sitting across her desk. "Yes she remembered when she saw you and yes it could have been the start of all her memories returning but I have to ask you doctor. What happens if her mind does start to regress and she can barely remember herself much less you? As far as the crucible , Admiral Hackett and the alliance need to know that information so they can study it and hopefully be able to use it if a threat like this ever comes up again. Surely you would want your future together to be as safe as possible. This treatment I am proposing is only meant to help her and I am positive it will help with the trauma she suffered."

The doctor is trying to look as compassionate as she could. She was not thrilled with having to resort to violence but if pushed hard enough she would. the Asari doctor was proving to be difficult and if a compromise was not reached Liara and anyone else was to be removed from the situation.

"Do not talk to me about our future or how safe it will be! You have no idea what we have seen and done, no idea how much Shepard has sacrificed for all of you. We owe her everything. She does not deserve this, what you are proposing is nothing short of barbaric. She made this galaxy safe for our children. Our child will no what peace is because of her."

Liara lays a hand on her stomach and smiles. She closes her eyes feeling the love towards their unborn child grow as the baby does. Neither one of them could wait until she was in their arms in a couple of months and the more she thought about leaving with her love and start their family the more her mood began to change. Even with the treatment the doctor was proposing she found herself glowing. Still, she was unaware of the actual purpose of the doctors proposal.

Doctor gallagher mislead the Asari and Hackett that Shepard wasn't recovering, she blamed the Admiral for telling her about Anderson dying and made it seem like that was all she could take and the final reason Shepard tried to take her own life. The doctor proceeded to tell them that Shepards mind was deteriorating quickly and her treatment would give her mind time to heal and she would be able to recount everything slowly. The doctor informed them that she was worried if Shepard did not gradually remember her mind coiuld be flooded with all the past pain of her life she would have a mental break. She had to be careful what she said though as it would not take much with the Asari around to figure out the doctors lie.

Of course the drugs she was being given when she was a sleep were only hindering her recovery process. The process that doctor Gallagher had proposed was to keep her in isolation for a time and gradually let her remember on her own by giving her different triggers that allowed her to recover each memory. If that didn't work everyone was at a loss. The human doctor however has ulterior motives for getting Shepard to remember. She wanted the crucible and the power it held and she knew Shepard had all the information she needed locked away. It had been hard for the doctor to get in good with the Commander as she didn't seem to trust easy. Even though she had convinced Admiral Hackett that this was the best option but this Asari was being problematic and would have to be dealt with if she refused to cooperate.

The expression on the womans face sitting across from doctor Gallagher was hiding how she truly felt. She was furious. Furious that anyone would suggest this type of treatment. Wanted to warp them both through the wall but kept her composure as she stood up running her hands down the front of her coat and turned to leave the room.

As they both called for her to please sit in order to finish the conversation and possibly reconsider. She pauses as she reaches the door, stops briefly enough to look back and spoke through gritted teeth as the rage finally begins to show on her face, hands glowing blue.

"She is leaving with me to recover. I will be with her every moment if I have to...do NOT contact me again with your ridiculous notions and as for you Admiral Hackett, she did her time for your alliance she is now hear-bye retired."

As she starts to leave she pauses again turning to the remaining two people in the room as they both sit in stunned silence , with a coy smile, biotics glowing around her entire body she finishes the conversation with the words

"There. is. one. last. thing." Pausing between each word for effect." If I hear, that anyone has contacted my bondmate without my authorization and mentions any of this I will fillet them with my mind."

With that she walks out the door with a small smile on her face, headed for her love knowing she got her point across with the utter shock presant on both their faces. As she made her way back to where Shepard had been waiting a sad, worried look came across her features as the conversation replayed. She started to fear the worse that Shepard would forget who she was, who her friends and family were, everything. As she got closer to her destination the feelings of love overcame her as she neared her bondmate the look she had was replaced with a beautiful smile.

A smile only Shepard could bring to her face. Her smile grew even more when she saw her love waiting for her then leaping into her arms when they made eye contact, both falling into the embrace with passion, kissing each other deeply, not caring who was in the room. As they broke away from the kiss Shepard looks upon her love with lust in her eyes. She leans in kissing her neck moving her way up to Liaras ear and slowly whispers. "We need to leave...now." Liara nearly melts with each word coming from her love.

"By the goddess Kerry I may not...make it."

Shepard runs her hands down her loves back as she starts kissing Liaras lips once again. Liara let's out a slight squeal as Shepard grabs her ass,lifting, to pull her close. She pulls back from the kiss slightly opens her eyes and says.

"This ass is mine and I want it now."

With that, liaras desire bursts to the surface, her eyes swirling from blue to black, hands grabbing at Shepards backside, hard, gaining the same squeal from the woman she loves. She leans in as she initiates a light meld saying. _"Not if I get my teeth into yours first."_

As they are lost in each other liara shows Shepard what she was planning once they reached their destination. The meld slowly fades, Shepard nearly collapsing, breathing heavy looking back into liaras eyes.

"Liara...please." Is all the words that she can form.

* * *

That was the day they came back into each others lives and it is one day Liara will never forget. As Liara walked through the door and saw Shepard she thought it was a dream that she never wanted to wake up from. She had seen the shocked look on everyone's face sitting there and it was concerning until Shepard was in her arms holding her as tight as she had ever felt before. Liara started a meld and they both said they thought each other was gone. Neither wanted to let each other go and as much as the entire Normandy crew who was there wanted to see their commander, they found themselves pushed out of the room by Miranda, Tali and even Aethyta.

She wanted to see her daughter, was happy she was alive but they would not let each other go. Eventually they both walked out of the room, finding everyone else anxiously waiting out in the hallway. After they all greeted her, Shepard and Liara were called into doctor Gallagher's office along with Admiral Hackett. After the conversation turned to Shepards treatment Liara began to get curious and asked Shepard to leave for a moment.

That night after they got back to the on base apartment Hackett arraigned for them that they would share for a while, they spent the entire time in each other arms just wanting to feel each other again and never let go. They both were eager as ever to relearn one another but they both made sure they took their time, turning the entire night into one giant euphoric experience. As exhausted as they both were, the feeling of being in each others arms of each kiss and caress was enough to push their fatigue away, each touch filled with a possessive desire to be one again. Each climactic finish only pushed them to want more until the final time became an unbelievable feeling that swept through the both of them and it felt like it had lasted far longer than it did.

They both held onto each other tighter then ever shaking from the surreal feeling for what felt like hours. As the sensations of the past few moments slowly went away they laid there happy just to be in the moment, knowing there were many more nights like this in the near and far off future.

With all Shepard had been through the goddess had shined down upon her life and given them both what they needed, each other for centuries to come. The Lazarus project had extended her life but after the crucible fired and synthetics started to fail the alliance had found Miranda Lawson and with the help of her sister and other doctors, 'rebuilt' her, increasing her life span even further.

As much as this wonderful news was, Shepard did not want to wait for something so important ever again. She had decided the moment she saw liara again that she needed to spend the rest of her life with her love. She woke up the next day, more towards the afternoon, before liara and slowly made her way to her bag, barely able to walk from the previous night activities, a coy smile on her lips as she started rubbing her legs trying to get the feeling back into her extremities. She grabs a small box that Ashley had given her while Liara was in the doctors office. The lieutenant commander had stumbled upon it after they crashed right before she told Liara to stay in the quarters. Williams figured if Liara found it that it would be that much worse for her so she kept it hoping she would be able to give it Shepard.

The commander bought the bonding bracelet months ago on their second visit to the citadel. She never found the right time to propose but tonight would be. She had put it in her pocket of the clothes she was going to wear that evening at dinner. Turning around to look at liara smiling as wide as she could, she couldn't help it , this is the life she wanted. What she said to liara after they defeated the shadow broker was the truth, marriage, little blue children, a life together was what she wanted and now she was finally getting the life she deserved, they deserved.

They had both been through so much before they met and it continued on after Liaras rescue from Therum. The tragedy continued and it didn't seem to let up. Benezia, Shepards death, almost loosing liara to her quest to bring down the shadow broker. The suicide mission through the Omega 4 relay, even Shepard getting arrested for destroying the relay killing thousands of batarians as the reapers threatened to come through. The reapers themselves but through it all they were able to find a way back to each other and now there was no war, no mission, nothing that one or both would be called away to deal with. This was the moment, their moment that they could share for centuries to come. They were finally getting the life they deserved after sacrificing so much to get there. Neither one knew if one or both would make it through any mission they went on but they would fight to the end even if only to see each other for a brief moment. Now there was no longer that worry it was just them and that's all they ever asked for.

Shepard crawled back into bed and put her arms around the love of her life breathing in her scent that had never changed. The pure bliss of these times shared, along with their future ones became all Shepard thought about. Nothing could ruin what they had what they would have and she started to feel anxious about that night and she wanted more than anything for it to be happening right now. For the moment though Shepard was content with just holding her as Liara leaned back into the embrace, a slight moan came from her blue angel as Shepard started to kiss her crests.

"I think I could used to you waking me up like this." Liara whispers as her eyes start to roll into the back of her head. Shepard knew every spot on the asari and what effect it had on her.

Dragging out the first word Shepard says. "So I will have to figure out different ways of waking you then? Can't have you getting to used to my touch, may not want me to after a while." Shepard whispers to her.

Liara rolls over and gently strokes Shepards hair loving the feel of it in between her fingers. " I will never tire of your touch" licking the tip of her loves nose. A single tear ran down Shepards face as she looked down. A hand gently whipping it away. "Kerry...Is there something wrong?"

As Shepard makes eye contact more tears start streaming down her face. "No...everything is ...this is all I've ever wanted when I was a child before..."

Her words trail off a little not wanting to think of her families death at this time, just how happy they would be for her at this moment. Regaining her composure a little she continues.

"Someone to grow old with, now ...now I have it and I never thought it would be possible. All the years of fighting, trying to survive each mission. Hoping I would have made my family proud, still do but... I was always a soldier, never knew how not to be anything different and knew I may never come back from a mission, accepted it until I met you and something changed. I felt like I could be something more, wanted more. Now I have what I want, what I thought I'd lost." Her tears continued as she stopped for a moment trying to convince herself this was reality and not her mind messing with her, grabbing a hold of liaras hand and looking into her eyes was all she needed to know this was all real. Seeing her love in front of her, tears present as well, Shepard knew this was the start of their future together.

"With all the problems with my memory right now I do know one thing is certain, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

As she spoke she sat up and slid off to the edge of the bed gently pulling Liara with her. Her tear filled face showing only love and happiness. She started to speak but was stopped by Shepard's finger to her lips.

"Before you say anything I need to ask you something." Shepard moved off the bed as Liara sat up moving to follow her, Shepard places both her hands on her shoulders leaning in kissing her deeply, a soft moan came from the both of them as they enjoyed the moment. As they continued Shepard knelt down in front of her love she pulled the box from her pants and opened it. Still embraced in the kiss Liara missed what Shepard was doing until she felt her pull away a little. Liara open her eyes followed by her mouth as what was happening in front of her started to sink in.

She had loved Shepard well before she had ever said it and knew she felt the same way and they had referred to each other as bondmates before but now this moment is something she secretly dreamt of as well. Shepard had said she wanted to get married, mentioned it a few times during the war but was always quick to change the subject or make a joke that Liara would run away screaming after only a decade much less a century being together. Truth be told Liara had thought about this moment for a long time, since their first night togeher right before Illos. Liara was initially hesitant with telling the Commander how she truly felt for fear that Shepard would push her away and not want to be with her but that fear was erased when she heard Shepard say the same to her. That Shepard was afraid to do the same feering Liara would see the mess she was and not want her but when they finally did tell each other all their fears were erased.

Their bond became stronger after Saren was defeated and they spent their leave together and it continued to grow until it became something that no one could explain. They could feel each others presance, knew when one another was hurting or in a good mood. They were inseparable and most people they knew, already had an idea, mainly because Tali likes to gossip but they did everything they could together and this moment would solitify their bond into something that nothing could break.

Secretly when Liara was younger and her and her mother would get into a disagreement she would go to her one spot no one could find her and think about what it would be like for someone to ' sweep her off her feet ' and now she had that in 'her girl' kneeling in front of her asking to be Shepards bondmate, wife whatever it was called. Tears start to flow full force as she was overcome with feelings of love, excitement, pure bliss.

"Liara T'Soni, You have brought a feeling of joy and love in me that I never thought possible. We have been through so much together in the years since we met. I didn't know what is was like to love or be loved before I met you and you helped me realize what is truly important in this galaxy and that is you, you have been what I wanted what I fought for, why I continued on trying to save everyone everywhere so I could have a life with you."

Shepard swallowed hard keeping her eyes on the visibly shaking Asari in front of her. She started to stumble over her words speaking quicker than she wanted to.

"I know this isn't ...probably... not how ...asari tradition is done and its not how I imagined it . Actually the two of us naked together was more a fantasy then how I wanted to do this but nothing ever happens as I planned In my head so why sh..."

Her rambling interrupted by her lovers lips on her own pulling her up into welcome arms, laying back onto the bed pulling back just enough to answer the unasked question.

"Yes my beloved I will marry you, bond with you be whatever you want me to be as long as its with you together. I can not think of anything that would make me happier than spending everyday with you. So, if that is the question you had planned on asking me through your rambling then yes I will be your bondmate."

As a smile came across Liara's face. Shepard pursed her lips and squinted her eyes in mock annoyance playfully swatting Liara's ass as the asari giggled. A look of tremendous joy became present on her face as what her love just said sank in. She had a good feeling on what the answer would be but hearing it only made her smile like she never has before. They held each other until Shepard pulls back a little looking deep into her loves blue eyes.

"You have made me the happiest person that has ever lived and I will make it my life's goal to do the same for you."

Liara looks on, as her heart continues to melt. "But you already have my sweet, you have given me everything I ever wanted. You have been my savior." Slowly kissing Shepard's lips then to her neck "My friend, my support when I thought all was lost, my protector...lover...my heart... My everything."Whispering the last few words in Shepard's ear.

The human was slightly trembling between each word spoken and kiss given.

"You have given me everything I've ever wanted and more. Now we are to be bonded and having a child together so you have fulfilled your goal at making me happy."

Her tongue darting out into Shepard's ear then biting a little. Liaras hands pulling her blonde hair back so her neck is exposed a little more as she moves down licking and nipping every so often leaving little marks in her wake as her love begins to run her hands down liaras back and crest both becoming mesmerized by each others touch. Liara rolls Shepard onto her back pinning her down lifting her hands above her head slowly kissing her way down Shepard's body until she reaches her breasts, sucking on her already hardened bud as her other hand squeezes the other. Moans of ecstasy escaping Kerry's mouth, hands playing with Liara's crests once again letting her know to continue.

Liara continues to suck on her nipple flicking it with her tongue while she takes it in between her teeth. Her lovers moans only increase as her other hand slowly works its way down to Shepard's stomach moving down one leg then gliding it over her loves throbbing center just barely grazing her opening as Shepard breathes in anticipating what's to come. Shepard lets out a sharp breath as Liara's hand snakes its way back up to her other breast again. Liara can feel the wetness on her fingertips just from brushing past Shepards core. Liara knows how wet she is, feeling the same in between her own thighs.

"Liara, please I need you." The words barely escape her throat in between moans the pitch in her voice going up as the feelings of bliss continue. Hands desperately grabbing at the sheets and headboard. Shepard was losing control, grinding her hips into the bed as Liara was slowly teasing every inch of her loves body. Slowly moving her hand back down to her loves sex, rubbing her throbbing nub slowly then sliding her finger in, curling up.

Shepard's eyes roll back at the pure pleasure she is feeling. Liara is pushing her over the edge and they were lucky to be in a private house. They never really had privacy on the Normandy as it was not completly sound proof but now it was different they were alone so they both were able to let go and completely get lost in the moment. Even if they werent they just got each other back and could care less who heard them, this was their time.

She begins a shallow meld wanting to feel how the woman she loves, body was reacting to her. Liara had always been able to make Shepard feel as if every inch of her was electric and every touch, even the slightest had been able to fill every desire Shepard could handle. With the meld it made it that much more exhilarating. She could feel what she was doing and how it would fill Shepard's needs as well as her own.

What she felt this time nearly took her breath away as her lovers body was exploding with sensations she only ever felt when they reached their peak and came together. The meld instantly deepened and Liara lost all her concentration.

"By the goddess..."

The feelings were beyond euphoric and she could no longer concentrate until she heard Shepard barely say.

"Don't stop...please."

Liara forces herself to move down Shepard's body barely able to hold on as all the pleasure they were feeling had doubled and neither thought they could take much more. As she reaches her destination between her lovers thighs she is met with the familiar scent she had come to love. Shepard's slick folds were glistening and it pushed Liara over the edge knowing it was always caused by her.

She quickly pushes her tongue into the commander and as she licks her way up to her lovers throbbing bud Shepards legs tighten around the side of her head, her leg muscles twitching each time Liara touches her. Shepard's hands grab onto her crests hitting that spot that drove Liara over the edge. Two fingers slide into Shepard with ease glowing with biotics and as she curls them up Shepard cries out her name, back arching as her walls close around liaras fingers. Her tongue finds Shepard's swollen bud, each lick was met with Shepard crying out louder for her to continue and as Liaras finger found the spot inside her love they were searching for, it was all it took as they both cry out as their bodies explode into feelings of pure bliss. Liara continues to suck on her clit and move her fingers as much as she can, both shaking from their orgasm until Shepard starts to pull her lover towards her.

Liara slowly moves up next to Shepard desperately wanting to hold her. They were both quivering from the aftershocks of their last orgasm. Barely able to continue the meld liara can feel waves of love and absolute bliss coming from Shepard as she sends her own feelings of love back. They were both short of breath but were smiling still enjoying the aftershocks of their shared orgasm.

"Holy... christ, Liara where did that come from?"

"I assure you that was not just me...But I would love to experiment more and recreate those results."

"You think? Well we definitely have to practice and write it down whenever we..."

Her voice drifts off a little. Liara notices and looks up at her bondmate confused as to why she stopped talking.

"What is it love?"

Forcing a smile Shepard shakes her head a little, silently telling her it was nothing. Liara can see the conflict on Shepard's face and pushes a little.

"You know you can talk to me...please tell me what is bothering you...did I..."

"Please don't ever think you did anything wrong...ever...that was amazing, again...you could never do anything wrong with anything...just a passing thought I guess."

Liara rests her head on Shepard's chest, her blue eyes staring into green. "Just know I am here to help you carry your burdens...always. And remember you said that later." Liara says smiling trying to help her love.

Closing her eyes Shepard can feel the truth behind her words and she knows she can confide in her Asari. "It's just...what if? What if I forget this, times like these...us...what if I forget who I am or Cater..."

Not able to finish the last part. Feering the worst that she will forget their daughter. Caterina Benezia T'soni, named for Shepard's sister and Liara's mother. She couldn't stand the thought of being alive long enough to see her daughter almost become a matriarch and not know who she was. It scared her to her core but liara was there for her and they would get through it together.

"You know me I just worry about...well everything..."

"Kerry look at me...we have the rest of our lives together and our daughter will only make our bond that much stronger...I will be here for you, helping you with any problems...we will face them together. So please anytime you worry about anything let me know."

"I will...way to ruin a moment huh? Good going shep."

Slowly Liara moves closer to Kerry's ear and whispers. "I am sure you will find ways to make it up to me." Before she can say anything else she finds herself pinned under the commander, arms above her head being kissed passionately, thanking all of Shepards military training for giving her so much 'stamina'.

"Your turn."

"Goddess...Shepard I dont think I can take much more."

* * *

X

X

X

X

* * *

"We have a problem, the Asari is not cooperating."

_"We knew that might happen."_

"She is also pregnant."

_"We proceed as planned."_

_"_Understood."


	22. Chapter 22

Chevelle

"Roswell's spell"

Life,

Its always overblown,

Till we wake up,create some other needs,

Yeah well, Cries, heard from man that knows,

Let to witness, the cat upon the ledge,

Heats source rained down,

Dyad scout craft,

Hands reveal a meaning, but did they come,

So I look at the eyes, straight to the souls doorway,

I look at the eyes, to know all you know,

Find an other labeled hoax,

Just as Roswell found another link,

Reform witness, night abductions,

You always felt a meaning but did they come,

Well I look at the eyes straight to the souls doorway,

I look at the eyes to know all you know,

And thats why...

Im burning out inside...

With a need to know...ones self,

Well I'm burning out inside...

With a need to know,

Does anyone really see anything?

Does anyone really see anyone.

* * *

"Thank you for meeting with me Liara. I hope all is well with you and Shepard?" Tevos asks. She had requested a meeting with Liara after she found out the Asari was alive and on earth. Hackett had told her she was with Shepard so the Asari councilor sent Liara a message. Tevos was wasting no time in asking the younger Asari to involve herself in the rebuilding of Thesia, to be a leader for her people.

A smile appears on Liaras face. She couldn't help it, knowing she would be with Shepard and they would soon have a child together brought the same warm reaction each time it was brought up or the Asari thought about it.

"Yes, councilor Tevos we...could not be better. I was hoping she would have been awake for this but..." She stops mid sentence hoping Tevos doesn't see her blush as the thoughts of the previous two nights replay in her mind.

"I can see if she is awake?" Liara says as she starts to get up. She had only been out of bed for a short time but was starting to miss the comfort of her lovers arms around her. Liara had been startled by Shepard as she tried to leave the bed to meet with the councilor. Shepard had an arm draped loosely around her waist and as she went to move the commander instantly pulled her back tightening her grip. The Asari rolled over kissing her bondmate, whispering to her that she would return shortly, bringing a slight smile to the sleeping commander, releasing her hold enough for Liara to move.

"No it is quite alright I assure you. Besides I may not be someone Shepard would want to look at much less talk to...she was understandably short with me to say the least the last time I saw her and I would not want to cause her anymore added stress."

Noding a little Liara knew exactly how much Shepard detested the council. From all the past run-ins they had before as they refused to believe or even help them until the reapers were destroying each world. She knew exactly which meeting Tevos had referred to seeing it in their last meld. Liara had to hold back her own feelings of anger and betrayal she felt knowing what the Asari government had tried to do to her. Having her own father watch out for her, eventually trying to remove Liara from her position as the shadow broker and taking over the entire network.

Aethyta had warned her to watch herself but the younger Asari was confident she was protected just by having Shepard next to her yet the matriarch had insisted on giving her an entire squad of Asari commandos. Part of it was to help in the war effort but Liara knew her father was giving her them as her own personal protection.

Now Liara was having a hard time trusting Tevos but would at least hear her out before getting back to her love in the other room.

"She just needs time...as I know you understand...we both do." Liara says skirting around the obvious tension she had for the entire Asari government.

"Now, what would you like to know. I don't wish to be rude councilor but I would like to get back to our... reunion." She says blushing again but was unfazed by her own implications and what Tevos would think.

"My apologies Liara, I only wanted to see if you would be interested in taking over for your mother and become a leader like she was for your people. We are in dire need and I fear as many of our surviving matriarchs do, that without a strong leadership the Asari race as a whole will be vulnerable, prone to attack if another world were to try to exploit the heavy losses we sustained in the war. We..."

"And why is that councilor?" Liara interrupts.

"Why did we lose so many of our people.? Why did everyone on all planets and in every system lose so much? Could it be that warnings were not heeded, were not taken serious. Brushed off as an excuse because they were from a supposed insane human who you appointed because she was the best at what she did? Or was she placed in her position as a figure head to quiet the human councilor and race as a whole? She did everything you've ever asked, we all did and in the end we we're left to fend for ourselves and save all of you as a blind eye was turned. You want me to be a leader for my people then I ask a favor of you all ...step down and I may consider the request...same goes for Shepard."

Liara was furious and was letting it all out on the Asari in front of her. Not to say Tevos didn't deserve it even though she was one of the few who occasionally backed Shepard. She still did her part to contradict the spectre on most issues pertaining to the reapers and Liara was not going to let her forget it.

The Asari councilor was stunned into silence at what Liara was saying to her was realized. She wanted all of the matriarchs, everyone of higher power to remove themselves based on past actions or lack there of. Liara was blaming her and the rest of their leaders for failing to listen when it mattered most and by doing so they failed every Asari.

"I assure you Liara...we have seen the consequences our actions or inactions have lead to and we will not make them again." Tevos was not used to having someone speak to her the way Liara was but she understood how frustrated Liara had become. The entire council was to blame and Tevos had thought about stepping down and believed all of them should. Of course she was alone in her thinking with the rest of them telling her they needed leadership not elections and they believed that their current and future actions would counteract the failures of the past. But the leaders of this world had already failed so Tevos knew they would all be removed one way or the other. She wanted to make sure she at least stepped down on her own accord.

"I understand why you would want me as well as all the other members of the council to step down. I assure you when the time comes I...I will do so." Tevos solemnly looks down at her hands she had placed on the table in front of her.

Liaras features softened a little. "Councilor, I must apologize, it was not my intent to place blame solely on you...I only meant that the failures of everyone who had taken a place in command of our protection need to listen and should make way for newer leaders. As far as your request I am...we are not declining. We only wish to be left alone so that we can be bonded and prepare for our child." Liara could feel the warmth of her own words radiating throughout her entire being. It had only been two days since she was reunited with her love but it felt like a lifetime they had recently spent together in each other's arms and she was looking forward to more. The days before were perfect in every way imaginable. Seeing her love again alive, feeling her again, Shepard's proposal, even seeing the last few days Shepard had endured before Liara arrived through their meld brought a smile to the Asari's face, knowing this would be the last of their time apart due to war or any other conflict.

Seeing the almost glow Liara had sitting across from her brought a smile to Tevos. Changing the subject a little Tevos looks at the bracelet on Liaras wrist.

"I believe congratulations are in order for both your child and for your engagement...It is quite beautiful...I imagine she asked you recently? " Tevos had not seen Liara in a while and suspected Shepard had taken full advantage of their recent time together.

As her smile grows as wide as it can Liara blushes a little as she thinks back to the previous day. As her nervous bondmate struggled to find the perfect words to say.

"Yes she just asked me yesterday and..." Liara stops mid sentence thinking back to what almost wasn't. How she had nearly lost all hope again and planed on leaving. She would have eventually learned the truth but knew Shepard would have a hard time understanding her actions initially.

Concerned Tevos immediately takes Liaras hand in hers wondering why the younger Asari became upset.

"I am alright councilor... thank you ...I was just thinking about the past few months and what I almost lost... They were difficult at best but I am truly happy and would not have it any other way. As I was saying, Shepard and I just need time for us and..."

She as cut off mid sentence by screams coming from the bedroom. The two Asari quickly move towards where Shepard was, wondering what had happened. Tevos was initially shocked at the site before her.

Asari in general were accustomed to nudity and were taught not to be ashamed of their bodies but to see the human huddled in the corner of the room, scars marring her toned skin was something that she was not ready for. When Shepard turned around at the sound of Liaras voice she let out a gasp that caused Liara to look at her in confusion and annoyance. Tevos stood still as the truth behind Shepards scars sank in. Each one represented something the commander sacrificed for everyone including herself. At that moment she could almost feel all the pain the human suffered over the past years and cringed at the though of what she had gone through in a short amount of time.

During the fight with the collectors, Shepard had been told by doctor Chakwas that since she woke up early on the Cerberus space station she was recovering in she would always have some scars but the medical equipment they had on board the Normandy could take care of most of them. She had chosen to get the scars removed from her face and work on the rest later for fear of what Liara may think of her if she were to see the left over damage from her body entering the atmosphere. The commander was scared of what Liara would say, thinking she looked hideous and could not stand to look at her. Even though Liara was hesitant with the commander initially she was grateful for her to be alive and became worried that Shepard barely made eye contact. After they took down the shadow broker and were intimate with each other Liara was confused as to why Shepard was hesitant taking her clothes off. When she did and Liara witnessed the true nature of her loves shyness she pulled her into and embrace and wept.

She cried uncontrollably for Shepard and all the pain she went through to come back. Not knowing about the Lazarus projects details, Liara only had her imagination guiding her and she feared the worst had happened and Shepard felt the pain from every scar she had. That she had endured two years of constant torture. Not being able to talk due to the emotional outburst she began a meld and tried to convince Shepard how sorry she was as the guilt was eating away at her. Shepard was able to calm her down pushing as much love as she could towards Liara until it was the only emotion either of them felt.

Even now with her recent wounds healed there were new scars to go along with the damage she sustained when the crucible exploded as well as the ones from her operations that Miranda Lawson and her other doctors had preformed. These ones were more likely to stay as the doctors had to rely on older forms of medicine as equipment was limited.

Still they would heal for the most part but now Tevos was witnessing first hand what the commander had went through. Seeing the scar from her upper abdomen to the top of her breast bone, the ones from each incision made and burn marks across the humans form. As upsetting as all of this was Tevos started to feel ill at the sight. She could only wonder how one being could withstand so much and still push foward but the answer was right there holding the damaged human in the form of Liara.

Even with all the new glowing scars and imperfections the human had Liara ignored it all and only saw one thing, Shepard needed her help. Pushing her emotions down Tevos finally walks towards the pair on the bed offering her help.

"Do you know what is wrong? Has she done this before?"

The commander was shaking uncontrollably, sweat had covered her entire body and her expression was of pure fear. When she heard Liara call to her she initially turned around and quickly grabbed onto the Asari but her convulsions never stopped.

"No I have never seen this! I need you to contact...goddess."

Her convulsions start to get worse and she starts to have a seizure.

"Please!.. I need you to contact doctor Chakwas and Miranda Lawson."

* * *

X

X

X

X

"Chakwas, do you know why we are here?" Vega asks.

They were currently on their way to where Shepard and Liara were staying. It was on the far end of the base and had been temporarily abandoned during the war. The houses and dorms were currently being used to house recovering soldiers since the hospital was nearly filled. Hackett had arraigned for a small two room dorm for Shepard to recover in but they were moved the next day to what was at one time the base commanders home. The officers training academy had long ago been abandoned and moved to Vancouver but the base was still open and only a small crew were left to maintain the historic landmark. The area around the post was small which made it less of a target.

After receiving word from councilor Tevos that help was needed, the Normandy crew took two shuttles from where they were currently staying off base so they did not take up much needed room and were almost to their destination before anyone spoke up. Everyone was worried for the well being of the both of them especially with Liara being pregnant.

"No James I have no idea what is happening. Tevos was extremely vague when she contacted me, only that I needed to get there right away."

As the shuttles land and they all climb out they notice a third one approaching. No one was aware of anyone else showing up so Williams instantly gets suspicious until she see's Miranda Lawson and her sister exit the shuttle.

"Lawson what are you doing here?" Ashley asks, a little annoyed that the ex Cerberus woman keeps showing up. She could not understand why the skipper kept helping this woman when she worked for Cerberus. But Shepard had explained that if the roles were reversed and Ash needed help finding her sister Shepard would be there just as fast helping. All Shepard asked was that they be civil to Miranda as none of them besides Liara knew about the past they shared.

"Nice to see you too Williams...I was contacted and told to come here as soon as I could. I wasn't aware of anyone else arriving either so I suggest we go see what is going on."

"Alright, Tali, Chakwas, Lawson, your with me. Miranda your sister stays here until we see what's going on. Guys stay here with the shuttles unless I call for you. And where the hell is Traynor...Never mind Liara would just end up shooting her anyway."

"Wait...why do we have to stay outside?" James is the first to speak up.

"I'm really not going to explain this James. Just stay here."

The next thing Ashely remembers is pain consuming her entire body, her head felt like it was in a vice, ears ringing. Her body was almost on fire and as she returns to somewhat of a conscience state she realizes she is being dragged. As her vision starts to clear she can see a faint outline of a face looking down at her. Whoever this was starts to yell at her, seeing if she is okay. Before she blacks out she can only make out part of what this person is saying. The house exploded and someone was dead.


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: again thank you all to those who followed fav'd reviewed read story it is appreciated,

I was asked how many times I've been called evil in my reviews and I looked back and figured it was about 150 times that's including PM's so maybe more...I am starting to worry now ...being threatened with fictional chraracters and having to explain why there was a floating jelly fish in my house named blasto for protection against a really hot blue chick because i may have killed off her bondmate to the Family was...odd...to say the least. : )

in a really weird mood today if you could not tell...figured Id get it all out now...Enjoy

* * *

Taproot;

**Wherever I stand**

If only I could show you,

Just how much I really care,

Everyday I'm torn apart not knowing if your even there,

Yet again,

You're a testimony,

Now and then,

That a greatness occasionally comes along;

Wherever I stand, you're the one,

Who'll be right there with me,

Wherever I land, you're the one,

Who'll be there to break my fall;

Whether fast or slow,

If only I could know you,

So every way I'd feel a part of something,

Like you always do,

And again,

You're my sanctuary,

How and when,

That a greatness eternally does come along;

Wherever I stand your the one,

Who'll be right there with me,

Wherever I land, you're the one

Who'll be there to break my fall.

* * *

**Day before the explosion:**

"I can not get over this place Liara, its huge! I mean compared to my parents house anyway. Still, Hackett went all out...remind me to thank him later." Shepard says in an excited tone. One Liara had never heard before come from her love. The Asari was elated that Shepard was in a good mood and wanted it to continue. They had recently been moved to the base commanders home from the cramped dorm room and wanted to take the opportunity to explore the house a little. With Kerry growing up on a farm colony she didn't have the luxuries of what money could buy.

When Liara and Shepard visited the Asari's home to bury Benezia, Shepard was amazed at the size Liara's childhood compound but did not verbalize it due to the nature of the visit. Now, it would seem that without the added stress of war looming over their shoulders the human started to let herself relax. They were more than willing to see how many rooms the house had so they could 'christen' them as Shepard had suggested. They made their way to the main bedroom that had a massive floor to ceiling window that they could see out over the entire base and beyond. Just standing there in each others arms looking out over the view together and not having to worry about another mission created a feeling in the both of them that they want to continue. Everything seemed to slow down and for the first time ever they could relax and truly enjoy each other. They had their shore leave together over the last few years and they always took advantage of the time spending it together but it always felt rushed and they knew there was some kind of mission or battle waiting for them when they got back. Now they could take their time and just enjoy each other. As much as they both were loving the time together each of them were troubled by the visions they saw in each others minds during their previous melds.

Liara had been faced with something she had not felt in a long time, barriers. Shepard was guarded when they first melded but as their relationship continued they slowly went away until she opened herself up completely to Liara. Now Shepard was refusing to show her parts of her recent memories that were causing her love stress. Liara had stated that Shepard's burdens were hers as well but the human would pull away a little each time the Asari approached the topic. Having Kerry in better spirits and not as guarded Liara decides now would be the best time to ask.

"Kerry, I have something to ask you and I need you to promise me something, that you will not shut me out with what has been troubling you. I do know it is not only Anderson's death that has you guarded even though I know you are hurting from it."

Nodding a little Shepard knew exactly where the conversation was going and was dreading the topic but Liara was there for her and offering her help. Liara never judged her, always accepting any vision or memory Shepard had and only making the commander feel love when they joined. Still Shepard was worried at what Liara would think as the discussion went further.

Liara had already shared what happened aboard the Normandy. From watching Kerry pull away from her and run towards the crucible, thinking that was the last time they'd see each other to Liara closing herself off to the entire crew only to lash out at them for leaving Shepard behind when they tried to console her. Receiving the news the commander was alive only to hear she may have hurt herself. She shared all the emotional ups and downs she went through and how hard it was each moment of every day until she saw her love finally. Even when she met the two alliance soldiers who told her Shepard was alive her mind had been racing with doubt.

After the Asari was finished it was as if a huge weight had been lifted and she finally was able to let go. Her love just held her for as long was needed until Liara shed her last tear. Shepard felt everything Liara had experienced even without the meld. She could see the pain Liara had went through and with their growing bond could feel the emotional turmoil her bondmate had had with each word spoken and tear shed. The dread of holding those memories in was lifted after Liara was done and she knew when Shepard finally spoke about what happened in the hospital it would ease her tension but Shepard was being hesitant.

"I know I've been putting up barriers during our meld and it's only because I don't want to relive them and neither should you... but you deserve to know everything...its just going to be...difficult."

Liara became worried at Shepards words. She feared that she had already pushed her too much and now she was going to relive something horrible.

Not knowing where to begin Shepard told her all about the nightmares concerning Liara and how in most of them the Asari had died in different ways. She explained how everything went blank after the tank exploded while they were running towards the beam to bring them up to the crucible. Telling her about how Anderson had apparently been with her on the crucible and did not make it. Shepard had never had time to actually mourn his death but she was happy to have been with him in the end.

"I just wish I knew what happened to him. I think that's the worst part...not knowing."

"Do you know when the ceremony is?" Liara asks. She knew exactly who Anderson was to Shepard as she had seen how much they both meant to each other. She saw it in a meld when Shepard had shown the Asari what happened to her parents. After the massacre of the entire colony the first vision the younger Shepard had seen was his face looking down at her while she was being attended to by medics for her injuries. He had seen all the death and destruction of the colony and when he heard there was a lone survivor he made sure he would be by her side the entire time. Shepard looks at Liara and smiles, appreciating the Asari for helping her through his death.

"No...I was never told when or if they were going to have it...or even if they had already done a ceremony but I think he would not want one single ceremony for him. He'd want one for everyone that was lost... I will have to talk to Hackett about that too."

Seeing some of her tension being released as Shepard begins to relax, Liara decides to ask the one question that had been bothering her. What happened at the hospital...she had seen small visions during their meld but it was always blurred in certain spots. She saw Miranda, Tali and Aethyta and was grateful for all of her friends and especially her father. All she could do was smile at the conversations they had with each other. Even though the circumstances could have been better at the time it was good to see everyone rally around and help Shepard.

Kerry reluctantly tells her about when her and Miranda spoke about her implants and the reaction the commander had. Shepard still was having a hard time believing she was going to have a life long enough to see her grandchildren become adults. She still needs to speak to Miranda about it all and with Liara here now by her side she can't stop smiling about what it all meant. Everything she has been through has lead up to moments like these. She was being rewarded finally for all of her sacrifices and she knew that everything was right in the world. She just needs to recover and hope she can get her memories back and not lose the ones she was making now.

There was one thing they had not discussed and that was the forced meld by doctor V'ler. Shepard was afraid that in her moment of weakness she allowed the other Asari to comfort her and that she betrayed Liara alive or not. Even if her Asari would forgive her it was guilt the commander would fight with for the rest of her days.

She was inexperienced in relationships due to her past and felt she wasn't worth the time even if someone was interested in her but the one thing she knew was if she did become involved with someone she would base any of her relationships off of what her parents had. They we're together for almost twenty years before they died and kerry could only remember them being happy and affectionate. They had their arguments but never in front of her or her sister and for the first sixteen years of her life she was apart of a family that loved each other. Now she has her family with Liara and their child and she vowed to keep it as good a relationship as her parents had. This incident at the hospital had been eating at her since it happened and as soon as Liara walked through the door this conversation was inevitable.

Liara became worried almost immediately when she was done asking what happened about the meld her and Aethyta did. Shepard pulled away from their embrace and started to pace across the room.

Shepard starts to talk about it but stops mid sentence fearing what Liara's reaction would be. She had been violated by the doctor and let it happen, thinking it was Liara there comforting her. Shepard had been furious at the other Asari but Aethyta had been there and dealt with the situation without violence. Shepard wasn't sure if the matriarchs daughter would be as lenient. She mainly feared that she would blame Shepard figuring she should have known. Not able to look at her and barely able to talk she quietly asks to do a meld so she can show her love what happened.

The sense of guilt was all around the meld as soon as Liaras eyes faded black. She had only ever felt Shelard like this after Traynor tried to take a shower and Liara almost broke the connection not wanting to see what might have happened.

The Asari was brought back to the time Shepard had nearly been killed by an ardat yakshi when she was helping Samara. Liara had been furious with her and the justicar for allowing it to happen and confronted both of them on it much to the commanders dismay. Samara was still hurting from having to kill her own daughter but reassured the young maiden that Shepard was not to blame and they were able to bring down Morinth before she could start a meld. Liara eventually understood but that memory was not helping her at the moment

As the meld starts Liara sees Aethyta, Samara and Shepard as their own meld replays for her. She becomes terrified at all the horrific scenes that had unfolded in their meld at the hospital. Liara understood why Shepard wanted to do the meld as she was trying to see if her memories would come back to her but what Liara witnessed was something she could not describe. To see Shepard's family, Anderson and eventually herself killed in one form or another made the Asari start to cry creating her own feeling of guilt for not being there for her love. Something was causing her mind to make up visions making Shepard feel responsible for all of their deaths. When she saw her image flash to that of her mother right before the meld ended her cries of sorrow became worse and Shepard could only hold her tighter as the memory continues. The vision ended with more faces being shown of everyone the commander ever knew that had died and she could feel Shepard's sorrow increase.

Liara felt horrible now for even asking Shepard to show her this memory. Wishing she would not have pushed to see what had cause Shepard's barriers but the vision moves forward and Liara can only watch helpless as Shepard cries uncontrollably on the floor of the hospital bathroom. She watches as her father walks out of the room to get help and as the next vision starts to come into focus she can feel Shepard start to pull back.

_"Kerry I am so sorry that you had to witness that and I was not here for you...when you needed me the most..."_

_"You don't ever have to apologize to me for anything. Just no that I love you."_

As she finishes speaking through the meld Liara only watches in absolute shock as another Asari who looks similar to herself begins to force a meld with Shepard and she can feel the commanders guilt for allowing it to happen. As the meld ends Shepard tries to back away still not able to look at her. Liara can see the anguish on the commanders face.

"I should have known it wasn't you... I should not have been that week." The commander says barely above a whisper. Her anger increases at the entire situation figuring it was going to ruin their time together or worse. She moves over to a desk towards the side of the room and slams her fist into it.

"I should've fucking known...I'm sorry Li...I just wanted it to be you."

Blue arms snake around her body pulling her into an embrace. Feeling the warmth from her love made Shepards fight with the tears threatening to fall that much harder. She can feel the wetness of Liaras tears on her face as the Asari kisses her cheek. Liara's lips move towards Shepard's ear so she can say one last thing as she leads her love to the bed.

"How could you have known my love? She tricked you, forced a meld with you and though I am not happy about it, know that it is not your fault that it happened. You were vulnerable at the time and she knew this. I believe she was looking for something in your mind but I am unsure of what it is... I do have one thing to ask...would you have allowed her to meld with..."

"Never!" Shepard says before Liara can finish. "I would never do anything to jeopardize us...ever...still I..."

Liara interrupts her love kissing her deeply. Liaras tongue glides into the commanders mouth finding the humans. She loves the warmth and taste of her loves mouth and two words cross both of their thoughts as their minds reconnect.

_Yours..._

_Always..._

As the Asari pulls back a little to look into green eyes she takes both of her hands and places them on the side of Shepard's face, love and desire mixed together in both of their eyes.

"Please stop...you are not to blame...You know what she did was wrong. We are taught at a young age to never force a meld on someone... . ."

Still not sure Liara wasn't mad Shepard tries to apologize further.

"I still should have known..."

"Shepard...shut up and make love to me."

X

X

X

X

**Present time: **

Anger; it was the only emotion that was felt at this moment, Admiral Hackett could feel nothing else. He was standing in front of the rubble that was once the house that Shepard and Liara were in and could only watch the medical workers and fire fighters who are attending to the wounded and putting out the small remaining fire that was consuming the building in front of him.

He had seen enough death and destruction over the course of his career but this was something he was having a hard time believing. The investigator had already made his way to the house and reported that his initial findings were that the explosion was an accident due to poor maintenance.

Modern homes were made to be self sufficient and run off of generators, sun and wind power. They all had back up power sources of one form or the other but older homes that used natural gas like the on base houses used were outdated and being fazed out due to the up keep and potential hazard they proposed if proper maintenance was not done. Due to the small crew that took care of the base and lack of occupants certain procedures were overlooked.

The investigator reported that due to the cooler weather he believed that whoever was in the house at the time had started a fire in the gas fire place and caused it to erupt as the line had a break in it. Hackett could only nod at the man in front of him as he finished his report and stare past him in disbelief as a supposed accident had caused the death of ten people. He had heard of these types of accidents happening before with older houses that were still running off of older type of natural resource but only in the run down parts of major cities on Earth. The homeless would take up shelter in some of these abandoned homes and try to start their own fires not knowing whether the main gas line was shut off or a leak was present and end up leveling half a city block. This however was a military base and since the war was over they were all supposed to be safe.

Safe; it was a word he had not thought of using throughout his entire military career at least not until Shepard ended the Reaper threat but now all he can do is go over the names of the injured and deceased. It would take some time but eventually all the bodies that had been pulled out of the house would be identified and the admiral could only hope that the remaining injured who were at the house would not succumb to their wounds.

Burns, concussions, severe internal bleeding from the blast and a collapsed lung were only part of the injuries that had been reported by the first responders. They were still trying to help the quarian with an infection she developed due to the damage her suit sustained.

Among the fallen were six Asari commandos and an N7 candidate. James Vega died a hero helping the injured and trying to rescue the occupants of the building that was ablaze. He had saved everyone outside to include Miranda and Oriana Lawson as well as Ashley Williams,Tali zora and doctor Chakwas. The five of them had sustained the most serious injuries being the closest out of everyone. Hackett can only hope that all his heroism was enough as they were all in critical condition. He served the alliance well and the admiral was going to make sure he received the heroes ceremony he deserved.

The remaining casualties were barely recognizable and in time they'd be identified but the fear of who they were began to haunt the alliance admiral and he could only hope Shepard could escape death one more time.

* * *

X

X

X

X

"The bomb went off too early...it was supposed to take out the entire team not injure them!"

"Yes but it did what it was intended to do and made to look like an accident. By the time anyone realizes what happened we will have what we want."

"You better be right, I'm tired of you failing me...I had to come from London early to make sure everything went smoothly yet your still messing shit up."

"Doctor Schneider please...I am trying to do what you ask but with admiral Hackett here along with tevos and now the Normandy crew...I only had a week with Shepard there was no way anything would have worked on her to get her memories..."

" No more fucking excuses doctor Gallagher I needed Lawson out of the way...she is the only one now who can identify me and you. The ships doctor was another one we needed removed but that is not the case... you have what you need now get me the information I need...we have to be on schedule or everything we have done so far will be ruined."

"I assure it will be done."

"Where the records transferred like I asked?"

"Yes our operative on board the Normandy took care of what she could on her side and I did what you asked as far as here at the hospital."

"Good, proceed as planned and as soon as you have something let me know."


End file.
